Fellas, find YOUR game (different tips to help you figure out what works best for you)

On a recent comment on one of my articles, a guy basically said “Stop chasing women. Don’t smile if you don’t want to.” And it got me thinking. There is a lot of dating advice out there for men and even though it may be that some tips and advice can apply all across the board, I think other ideas may not be a one-size-fits-all solution.

For example, the tips that tell men to smile at women. Or even some women saying that they like for a guy to give them a kind smile or whatever. Granted, that may work for some men, particularly if they are considered handsome, have a great smile, and are extremely comfortable smiling at strangers.

Not to toot my own horn, but although I have been told by some people that I have a nice smile, I’m still not comfortable smiling at strangers and it seems that in a lot of cases, when I have tried to smile at female strangers, it wasn’t well received.

Maybe it’s because of the society that we live in where a lot of people are typically standoffish from other people and where a lot of people simply aren’t trying to warm up to strangers in general. Like, if you’re walking in one direction and a person is walking towards you in the other direction, a lot of times, people will go out of their way to be SURE not to look at each other, but to either look at their phones, to look some other way, or to do anything other than to acknowledge and greet the stranger that is walking towards them, ESPECIALLY if they are of the opposite sex. At least, that’s been my experience…

I chalk this up to the idea of that, perhaps, I’m an intense looking person. Maybe my demeanor simply isn’t the one for being a smiley brother. That doesn’t mean that I’m able to attract women in other ways or by some other methods, it’s just that it may be that because of who I am, the vibe I give off, how I look, or whatever… certain things may not work for me. Also, some guys may have a “creepy smile” or a smile that some people might not consider a nice one. So if they smile at a random woman, a woman may feel uncomfortable or just glare back at them.

All that being said, I think it also depends on the situation and the circumstance. Because when I have introduced myself to women and talked to women, there have been plenty of times that I have had a friendly vibe and smiled and everything and the interactions went well. So basically a person has to be able to read the environment, see how a woman’s attitude is, and see whether or not she is looking straight ahead or at her phone while not even trying to look in one’s direction and making it obvious that the only way to get her attention would to be doing something like saying “hey!” (Which I don’t like to do).

But that’s just one example. I wish that I had more examples, and if I come across some, perhaps I can edit this writing later to add them, but the point I’m trying to make is that some men’s game is different than others. And, obviously, different women are attracted to different things. Confidence tends to be a pretty general trait that women are attracted to, but I think a caveat with that is for a person to be confident with whatever personality type they are and with whatever game would work FOR THEM.

So yes, having a great sense of humor, making a woman laugh, being super friendly, and all of that stuff is all well and good, but is that who you are? Some men are like comedians. And that’s fine. But you might not be. Me personally, I might seem like somewhat of a serious, intense looking, more stoic kind of brother. Granted, I have a sense of humor, but depending on who I am around, it seems to work better if I use dry humor. In other words, for me to not be too silly, too lighthearted, or too goofy (for lack of a better word), but to maintain a masculine frame and to use dry humor or even sarcasm, without being too smiley or cheesing too much with it.

You have to figure out your personality type and which tips can apply to you. You also have to know what kind of women you like. A lot of men don’t even know what kind of women they like other than they want them to be hot. That’s not going to cut it.

For example, I’m pretty big on respect and being respected. I personally don’t like feeling disrespected or like anyone talking shit to me. Now I know that there are some brat-type of women out there (I’m familiar with the kinky community, so that generally refers to women who get off on talking shit or whatever because it turns them on for a man to put them in their place). Granted, I am sure that such play can be done in a fun way (and that’s awesome), but if it’s done to me outside of a consensual play, type of situation or if a woman disrespects me just to “test” me and all of that junk, I personally don’t like that shit. Respect me. Which, by me not tolerating it, may turn them on and get them to “like me” or whatever (and that’s all well and good), but I’m really not one for a whole lot of games and for people trying to try me and press my buttons in general. But that’s just me. In the same way, you have to know yourself. Perhaps you are one of those guys who like em feisty. Do you.

You also have to be aware of demographics and be sure that you aren’t “fishing in the wrong pond”, so to speak. Some dating advice tell men to tease a woman and joke about her appearance (obviously in a kind and joking manner) and other so-called tips and tricks that are based more on behavior and performance as opposed to an authentic inner mentality. But depending on who you are and where you are, that might not work for you. Might even get you slapped lol.

For example, if you are a middle aged IT nerd, you can have all of the “game” and all of the teasing jokes in the world, but if you go to a bar, club, or a party filled with mostly college aged sorority girls or whatever, it’s probably just not going to work because you and them are just not the same. Not in the same places in life, not in the same age bracket, presumably not at the same maturity level, and probably don’t even have the same interests and life goals. Regardless of whether or not you’re just trying to get laid and feel that you don’t need to have much in common with them, many women still need to feel some kind of connection, even for a casual relationship, and in that scenario they might not feel a connection with a middle aged IT nerd. However, if he were to go to conferences based on things in his field, or if he were to go to whatever events and perhaps more formal parties that people around his age and in his field tend to go to, he might be better off. This goes hand-in-hand with a person knowing themselves, who they are, their demeanor, and what environments their personality type fits in.

Also guys, if your interests are such that would make it harder for you to meet women in real life, such as sitting at home and playing video games, participating in online forums, (especially incel forums), etc., this is not to say that you should change yourself, but you might want to be open to exploring and experimenting with more interests that will allow you to not only get out of the house, but exploring and experimenting with any interests that have a decent amount of women, not for the sole purpose of meeting women, but to at least make it more possible for you to meet a potential suitor.

I may not be conveying what I want to convey as well as I would like, but basically, I think that men need to take dating advice with a grain of salt and see if it even matches with their personalities first. For example, a lot of dating advice tells men to just approach a lot of women as a numbers game in order to build resilience or whatever and that, supposedly, rejection will eventually hurt less the more women men approach. I can see the wisdom in it, but that type of approach may not work the best for everyone. It may be that some men would be better off going to places, events, gatherings, etc. filled with women who would more likely share their interests or social circles and start conversations with them as opposed to approaching a bunch of random women on the street who they don’t know from a can of paint just because they are hot. The random approach may work for guys who are naturally social and charismatic or the rare guy who is supposedly so hot to a lot of women that women are willing to be much more patient and tolerant with him.

Now if your purpose in doing that was to simply build up your mental strength, to build up your resilience in the face of rejection, and to brush up on your social skills to be able to talk to random people in general, fair enough. But if you were to go that route and if it isn’t really you, you might be better off checking out their body language, facial expressions, etc. first to see if they even look approachable and, if they do, you can speak/greet them (you don’t have to be super smiley with it, but you can say hi, good morning, good afternoon, or whatever fits comfortable with your personality) and see if they respond well enough. If they do, you should probably talk regularly (not in a way that it’s obvious you are trying to pick them up), more or less just trying to have a good conversation about something (perhaps related to the situation and environment that you both are in).

If you have a good conversation with her for a while before you decide to go on your way, then you can say that she seems like a pretty cool person and that you think it would be great if you both could keep in touch and even get together sometime. You don’t even have to say that you think she is pretty and may even want to leave that kind of stuff out. She’ll probably know that you are interested enough just by you asking to keep in touch and saying that you think it would be great if you two could get together sometime. If she’s not with it, simply say that’s cool, and that it was nice talking to her or whatever and bid her farewell in whatever way you see fit.

I know that some dating books will say be bold and direct with your romantic interest and with your sexuality and all of that stuff so that you don’t end up in the friend zone or whatever, but in situations like this, you can wait until you both actually get together or at least until you both talk on the phone first before you start ever so slightly turning up the heat. You don’t have to do that immediately.

Another thing I want to touch on, and this is very important, is that your game may be based more on familiarity. Depending on who you are, you may not be the type of guy who causes an instant spark or immediate attraction when it comes to a lot of women that you meet. You might be the kind of person (based on your character, your integrity, your intelligence, your personality, your sense of humor, etc.) that causes women to grow more attracted to you in time the more familiar they become with you and the more that they get to know you. in fact, some women say that they find it impossible to be attracted to someone based on just appearances, but that they need to know a man before being attracted to him. Some women consider themselves demisexuals, sapiosexuals, or whatever, meaning that they tend to be more attracted to a man’s mind or that they need to develop an emotional connection before they even have the desire for a more physical or sexual connection to take place. Those might be the kind of women you need to look for which, again, you might find more readily in places where you share similar interest to begin with as opposed to trying to hit on random women in the street.

Since your game might be based on familiarity, what does this mean? Somehow, some way, you need to get into spaces where you are around the same women constantly and are able to actually have conversations with them, get to know them, and preferably, share similar interests and passions with them so that you can let your personality shine! So, even if you are a regular at a bar or a club, that still might not be the best place to try to develop the familiarity that you want to try and grow. So how can you do this? Well, me personally, I’m actually somewhat involved in the kinky community, so with that, there are different events that they hold at various restaurants and venues where the same people tend to go to meet up and socialize, so if you are a social person or, at least, fairly socially intelligent, if you are able to talk to people and what not, and if you go to those events often enough, you might end up meeting people whose attraction can grow for you based on familiarity with you. And, of course, if they are already familiar with you and comfortable with you (that’s a big deal, even beyond being conventionally attractive), you might be able to see them at what’s known as play parties, where you might actually be able to, ahem, play with them if they know you well enough and are up for it.

Other methods of familiarity are when people end up dating people at their jobs because the more they work with each other, the more familiar that they become with each other.

Perhaps you can try to take up classes where you will be there for a while (so long as when you get there, you are able to strike up conversations and actually talk to your classmates). If you are very shy or a wallflower type of person, you may not want to waste your money unless, obviously, you are actually doing it for the activity itself (while simply putting yourself out there for the possibility of meeting someone), and not just going to meet someone as the sole purpose. Finally, there is a website called meet up.com where people can join different groups based on their interests and get together with other like-minded people to engage in those interests. So if you are a foodie, for example, they have weekly get togethers at different restaurants in their cities and what not. So that website might be an option for you to find something you are interested in, but may also open the possibility for you to meet someone who grows to like you by being more familiar with you, being comfortable with you, and knowing that you are SAFE.

Speaking of safe, safety is a major concern for a lot of women when it comes to men in general. A lot of women may be standoffish with you, not necessarily, because they think you are ugly or whatever other reason you think that will hurt your feelings, but it may simply be, that They don’t know if you are safe or dangerous and want to protect themselves.

That being said, one final way, that may be a good way for you to meet women or a special woman is through mutual friends. Sure, you may know some guys who can introduce you to other women, but if you know some women who can introduce you to other women, even better! Suffice it to say, women might be more open to meeting you in general if another woman introduces you to them as being a great guy, because women tend to trust other women more about such matters and it also can help them feel more safe with you since you have been vetted by a woman they can trust. This doesn’t guarantee that it will be a love connection. Some might say that there are no guarantees in life. But at least it can get your foot in the door. Therefore, if you are respectful when meeting women, even if some of them aren’t romantically interested in you, there is nothing wrong with having and making female friends (contrary to popular belief ) because, not only are some of them awesome HUMAN BEINGS (obviously), but as a bonus, if they think that you are genuinely awesome as well, they might be willing to set you up with one of their homegirls.

In summary, figure out what dating advice or what “game” works for you based on your personality, your mentality, and your personal algorithm. Figure out what demographics and environments fit you and work best with you. Figure out what YOU actually want in a woman (aside from her being hot) as far as her personality, attitude, and interests are concerned, and finally figure out in what ways it seems better for you to meet women, whether it’s by randomly talking to strangers, going to places and events where are you likely share mutual interests, social groups, and passions, whether or not you are better off meeting women through familiarity by allowing who you are more time to shine through, or whether or not, you should meet women through mutual friends and introductions.

Thank you for reading and thank you more for sharing and for commenting.