Feeling Unworthy Of Love

“we accept the love we think we deserve”

Lately more than ever, I have felt so unworthy of my husbands love.

Let me just start by saying, my husband is damn near perfect. I don’t want to hear the bullshit about how he couldn't be, because he is. He is the most understanding, loving, and caring person I have ever met. He could not love me more than he does, or show it more than he does.

A few days ago I had to have a hard conversation with him. One about my past, one that wasn't easy for either of us. Before, during, and after I felt this cloud of unworthiness. This overwhelming sense of being unworthy of his love. I thought I knew what his reaction would be about the situation, even before I started talking.

When his reaction was understanding and supportive, I felt even worse. How could I be so worthy of being loved like this? How could he love me through this?

I am crying writing this.

Because even though I know he believes I am worthy. I still cant wrap my head around it. I still find myself wondering what I did to deserve him. Asking myself if he deserves a woman like me, or does he deserve better? My anxious thoughts over analyzing every movement he makes, every smile.

My struggle with self love, self worth, and forgiveness have never been so apparent.