Feeling down? Do not try to fix it, but do this instead.
Do you often feel down or depressed? Read this realization from a martial arts trainer.
When was a young 20-year-old coach, the first thing that I wanted to do was ‘FIX’ the technique of any of my students.
Many of you reading this, might find this normal. However, over the years and by teaching many more students, I realized something:
Always start with how the student is feeling
In the beginning, I wasn’t even aware of this crucial point. Sometimes a student is going through a rough time, and I was NOT seeing it as a coach.
That is on me. Sometimes trainers get so hung up on results. And preferably as soon as possible.
You do not have a good technique? Let’s fix it NOW. You do not perform as well as your boss expects? Let’s fix it NOW!
I see this as a common junior coach or manager mistake now. Here is the reality:
Bad days happen
Yes, you read that right. Not even the best coach in the world will be able to fix your bad days.
Bad days are what make you human!
In modern society, it is a race to perfection. It is NOT good if you have ‘only’ 50000 followers on Instagram, it needs to be ‘fixed’ immediately because there are influences on Instagram with 1 million followers.
If you are working in a company and do ‘ok’, but still mistakes, they need to be ‘fixed’ immediately. Just because your co-workers are not making those mistakes.
Telling people to fix their mistakes does NOT help
After a while, I noticed that no matter how much I tried to fix the techniques of certain students, they would not get it.
Understand first, never fix.
That is one of the biggest lessons I learned over the years.
Coaches sometimes (unconsciously) dehumanise students. They forget that their students are young people who might be going through bad stuff.
We all go to bad stuff.
The key is to ask your students about it. Everyone has painful periods in their life, and you would be surprised how many people would jump up to help you … IF you just ask.
In my experience as a coach, that is the biggest problem:
People try to go through their bad stuff alone
That rarely works. As a coach, when a student is performing less, I will ask him what is going on with his life. You would be surprised about the bad things I heard students open up about.
Stop trying to fix their problems, just be there with them.
I let the ‘fixing’ go, if my students are feeling bad: I am just with them in that feeling.
I allow them to train ‘less’ well. I also make sure that they know I got their back!
If a person is feeling bad, but still showed up at training, that is a BIG win!
Training your thoughts to become less negative is just as useful as perfectioning that roundhouse kick.
Weirdly enough, just being there for my students during those bad days, also gave me better returns.
The quiet students who were not performing at their peak levels often were the ones going through bad periods in their lives.
Creating a safe zone for them to express their feelings, without any judgment or trying to ‘fix’ mentality, has proven more beneficial than any martial arts technique.
Never expect people to know what you are going through
This is key: a lot of people who are suffering, try to go through it alone.
If I ask a good friend and he or she tells me ‘I’m fine’, then I know something is not good. I failed them twice:
- I did not notice by his body language that he or she was not feeling well. It means that I was too busy with myself. I failed.
- I failed a second time as a friend because my friend did not feel comfortable enough to share those bad feelings with me.
Think about these 2 things the next time somebody says ‘I’m fine’ to you. It happens a lot more than you think.
You would be surprised how many people want to help you
A lot of people kind of ‘expect’ their close ones to see when they are having a bad time. In a perfect world, this should be the case. Unfortunately, this rarely happens in the real world.
Never be ashamed or shy to TELL your close ones that you’re having a bad day. Then also tell them straight after that you do not expect them to FIX your bad day.
I taught this method a lot during my classes and most of the time, the other students would go out of their way to help the student that was having a bad day.
So next time you are feeling down, do not try to fix yourself out of it immediately. Realize that those bad days are perfectly normal, and never be afraid to talk to your friends about it.