Fatherhood

A LOOK AT FATHERS & FATHER’S DAY

When you think of Father’s Day, whom do you think of? Most will answer their own father, of course.

My Dad was born in 1922 and grew up during the Depression. To say that his life was tough would be an understatement. To add to the hardship, his parents deserted him and his three brothers and left them to fend for themselves while they sought work elsewhere. They never came back.

My father tells of eating nothing but cabbage for weeks on end. It was all they had. Dad hated cabbage the rest of his life. It was one of the few foods he refused to eat. I can’t blame him.

Needless to say, Dad did not have a high opinion of his dad; nevertheless, he tried to maintain contact during his adult years. I had limited contact and never developed much of a relationship with him. He seemed distant and cold.

Both my parents came from broken homes. They did not talk much of their fathers. Mom’s dad also left my grandmother, my mother and her brother to look for work in New York City during the Depression. He never returned, either. We heard that he contracted tuberculosis and died in a sanitarium in the late 30s.

Essentially, both my mother and father grew up without dads. To show their grit, they not only survived but thrived. Early on they determined they would remain true to each other and their wedding vows and stay together no matter what. I’m happy to say they achieved their goal. Only my father’s death in 1983 separated them.

In the early 70s I became a father myself, not once but twice. My daughter was born in 1970 in Rochester, NY, and I learned firsthand what “fatherhood” meant. I remember looking at my daughter the night we brought her home from the hospital and realizing the care and feeding of this tiny precious bundle of joy was our responsibility from now on. I felt totally unprepared.

My son came along three years later while I was in the Air Force stationed at Eglin AFB in Florida. His birth made me cry with joy. I felt none of the panic I’d felt with our daughter. Three-year’s experience, a better job and more maturity helped me peacefully enjoy this new addition to our family.

Both of our children are married many years now. My son — himself a father now — lives nearby, so I get to see “fatherhood” in action as he interacts with his son, who’s now 14. As a grandfather, I get to enjoy “fatherhood” all over again from a different perspective. I also get a chance to undo some of the mistakes I made.

My wife and I have enjoyed watching our grandson grow. We provided full-time childcare for him for the first 2 years of his life. We saw him start to crawl and then take those first faltering steps. We heard him speak his first words. I got to witness many things I had missed with our own kids because of work and the traveling I did.

For those who know fatherhood firsthand, I don’t need to tell of the joy and sorrow it can bring. I remember still the great joy I felt at the birth of my daughter and then my son. I can’t think of anything that has brought me more pleasure than raising my kids and seeing them grow into mature adults.

Then we hit those speed bumps along life’s path. First our son had to have heart-valve replacement surgery, and a year later our daughter got a diagnosis of lymphoma. Thankfully, both are doing well now.

So, I’m intimately familiar with three generations of fatherhood and have some secondhand knowledge of a fourth generation, my grandfathers’ (of which I have three — my father’s mother divorced and remarried).

As I look at them, I see a trend of improvement from generation to generation. We fathers learn from the mistakes of those who come before us. We try to do a better job of parenting than they did. Of course, we didn’t have the Great Depression and World War II to deal with. But we’ve had our challenges including the Vietnam war, Civil Rights unrest and drugs.

So, this Father’s Day, I thought I would write a tribute to all Dads, especially those who are devoted to their families and work hard to raise their children properly and teach them values that serve them and society well. I’m not sure that dads who have children and leave them unsupported deserve the title of “Father.” Anyone who father’s a child should know they take on a responsibility that lasts a lifetime. They have an obligation to provide support and guidance until the child reaches adulthood and to continue the relationship so long as they live. If you love your children, as most fathers do, it is not a heavy burden. And is, in fact, a great pleasure.

Such a tribute wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the Father of us all, the Almighty in Whom we all exist. As we reach inward and outward and upward, we find Him and He teaches us what it means to be a Father. He shows us the love that fatherhood entails, and how that love leads to great sacrifices and sometimes to great sorrow, yet in it all is everlasting joy.

May God bless all the fathers this day who are living out their commitment to fatherhood and all that it encompasses. May sons and daughters never know the sorrow of being without a father.

I hope this Father’s Day finds you well and ready to celebrate that great gift: Fatherhood.

Blessings on your day!

Something I wrote about my father a while back:

Happy Reading, Writing and Connecting.

Comments always appreciated and reciprocated.