Falling in love… with yourself
If it’s one thing I learned these last 2.5 years of being single, it’s to fall in love with yourself first.
I broke off an engagement after an almost 8 year relationship in early 2019, thinking it wouldn’t be too hard to get back out there on the dating scene… I gave myself a year to heal and figure myself out, and then I was ready. Cue Coronavirus Pandemic in 2020, and everything else went down the drain. The very essence of dating, meeting new people, was impossible. Social distancing, staying within your family bubble, and keeping away from strangers, made dating impossible. It still feels that way, towards the end of 2021. That immediate, learned response to the pandemic has still stuck with me, even though we are inching towards more normalcy.
Something I learned, though, on the way, of mostly feeling lonely and depressed throughout this time, was that I needed to fall in love with myself before I could with anyone else. I lacked self confidence, and I was really harsh on myself. As a scientist and perfectionist, I can really criticize myself for little mistakes, and really get down on myself because of it. My friend Ashley once said, “Hey, don’t talk about my friend Andrea like that” — when I was criticizing myself in front of her. I realized, why do I let myself talk to myself like that? I would never do that to a friend. So sometimes, when I find myself calling myself stupid or start to overthink something I did, I tell myself — Hey, don’t talk to my friend like that.
Another thing that I had to realize, was that, I care a lot about others, and I pour a lot into any type of relationship, even if sometimes I feel it isn’t returned. And that’s what makes me magic. I don’t ever want to lose that magic and softness and caring, in a world that can easily turn you hard.
It sounds cliche, but I have learned after a long, hard time, that you have to love yourself first. Because the only person that has been there for you, 100% of the time, has always been yourself. Who cares about any arbitrary timelines — you will get to where you need to be, when you need to be there. For now, just enjoy the uncertainty and where it will bring you — it will all fall into place eventually.
Andrea is a PhD scientist and a fashion/science blogger at www.phdfashionista.com, and can be found on Instagram and Twitter @phd_fashionista .