Fall Back Script
A poem on retreating back to the web of thought scripts
I don’t like what I am feeling.
I know the only way out is to go through it.
So it comes down to way in or way out.
But again I don’t like this.
Who does anyway?
Also, that does not mean I can’t go through it.
Nor it means I shouldn’t.
But my self-image or commitment to image maintenance does not like this.
It is a kind of risking the image.
I fucking hate it.
And again that does not mean I (Yeah, I, and not you my self-image — I very well know you fucking hate it :) ) can’t go through it.
But rarely I am that alert to notice or catch it.
So I simply fall back to thinking as if it can help me with this.
And everyone knows what happens next ☺
Unnecessary suffering with no end at sight — the way in.
Here the way in means the same old.
Until, hopefully, I gain some sort of insight.
Yet, there is no assurance of I can.
It’s just that “I can’t” could relax.
It’s still a risk.
Though the possibility is always there.
And nothing is stopping me but the script inside.
It’s like some foods that taste unpleasant
So we say I don’t want it
Not that we can’t eat it
It could be the very food that heals us
So we might as well relax the “don’t”
before being glued to “can’t”.
The same is the case with physical pain in physical exercise.
Similarly, such stubbornness might prevent psychological growth and healing.
Important it is to be aware of retreating back to the “can’t” script.
Neither forcing “I can” which is also a kind of laziness or not seeing the full picture.
Sometimes it could be “I shouldn’t.”
It’s not “can’t” anymore, it is “shouldn’t.”
Now how do I get out of the trap?
But when did “I hate it” became “I shouldn’t”
Nobody, perhaps, wrote that script, or maybe something did.
But still, I had allowed the script to sink in and trap myself — was sleepy?
To see when thinking is apt and when thinking is escaping or blocking — noticing the stubborn script slavery is perhaps a good start.
Another relatable poem:
