FAITH, PRAYER, AND WILLPOWER OF A SINGLE MOMA

Being a single parent was the hardest yet the most rewarding experience of my life. I am amazed how God matches children with their parents, one of his miracles proving his existence. I cannot imagine my life without the family I am blessed with.

The responsibility of parenting takes faith, prayer and willpower. Taking one day at a time and making it through the day sometimes is an accomplishment. I wish I had known how to do this then, however, by the time I learned to just relax my children were much older and my hardest times were behind me, or so I thought. I would think, we have lights and supper tonight maybe tomorrow will be easier. This day is almost over.

I felt many times I was the only one going through that situation. Unfortunately, there are many single parents in the world. It is just hard. God intended for us to have two parents; the load is too much for one. A choice we make in an instant can affect us and others for a lifetime; it is so important to choose wisely. We cause our own distress at times, yet misery is just a part of life. I heard someone say a long time ago “If everything was perfect in this world, we would not try so hard to get to a better place.” Some great advice from my doctor, after breaking down in his office telling him I just could not handle the stress anymore. He sat down with me and told me “If someone is not dying everything will eventually be alright!” “What you need is some long walks in the sunshine with God” This was better than any medicine.

While raising my girls, my faith was not where it should be. In my heart I knew God was with me always. I felt totally alone. I was grateful for my children. I was ashamed to complain about anything. I felt I did not deserve such hardship. I believed they deserved so much more than I could offer them. Everyone has trials in life and I assumed financial burden was mine. I reminded myself that some had it so much worse. I knew I was blessed. I told my children when they were upset (If this is your bad thing in life, you can handle this.) Applying this to myself was a little harder. In my mind I could face most anything as long as I had my babies. My feet hit the floor every morning because of them. I pushed forward for them.

I had big plans for my life. Daydreaming as a child about growing up, I could not wait to get married and have a family. I chose names for boys and girls and wrote them down. I tried to imagine what my children would look like. What would their hair and eye color be? I was raised in a broken home and vowed things would be different for my children. I grew up with little. This made me determined to get a good education so I could have a good paying job. I saw things as a child and carried a weight no child should have to. I would find a man that would be good to me and our kids. We would live happily ever after. This is most every girl’s dream, right?

There were great opportunities that seemed just out of my reach. I had good ideas that slowly disappeared. My adult life came much faster than I anticipated. Things happened and my life was not as I had imagined it to be. I took wrong roads, made mistakes and suffered the consequences. Everything went downhill like a mudslide. I saw in disbelief what people are capable of. Nothing should have surprised me, it did. I learned tough life lessons through experiences. I found myself in situations where all I could do was cry out to Jesus. I have many regrets, not once was my children one of them. If I had to go through it all again to have them, I would.

I left college to get married. I was ready to start my life, plus I could go back to school later. My circumstances were different from others who decided to do the same. Does this sound familiar to anyone? My marriage did not last. I was left alone with two babies. Raising my children alone was difficult. We lived through some tough times. I climbed high mountains and cried an ocean of tears.

I worked extremely hard to provide for my family. I carried around so much anger. It is a sick feeling inside that cannot be explained unless you have lived it. I walked around with a smile on my face during the day while tears flooded my pillow at night. I did not understand why life was so demanding. I tried to be a good person even though my heart was torn apart. Would things ever get better or was this my life from here on out? Would things get worse causing me to look back and think these moments were a piece of cake!

I was at one of the lowest points of my life, working for little money and going to cosmetology school. My dream was to own my own business. We attended a little church not far from home. I asked our pastor why it seems when you try your best to live the life God would have you live, life will just not give you a break, yet you look around at people who seem to have it all with no visible problems. He said to me “Maybe this was all the hell I would ever have to suffer and those people that seem to have it all with no problems here on earth may be experiencing all the heaven they would every know.” I never forgot those words. At that time, it was exactly what my heart needed to help me understand, at least to just keep going. I made it! You will to.