INSPIRATION | CHALLENGE | KINDNESS

Facing My Fear of Pit Bulls is Teaching Me About Kindness

“In response to Coffee Challenge: Why I want to be a better me in 2022”

Studying in primary school toward a lifelong career was difficult. Especially when recess was your favourite subject and making friends was a close second. I was a shy child who found friendships with dogs easier than forming connections with humans. I suppose this was why I hungered to become a veterinarian.

Working with animals would be easy, I thought. I didn’t factor at the time that I had an aversion to blood or that I struggled with maths and sciences. Instead, the phrase “love conquers all” captivated me, and no one loved dogs more than I did.

I started as an avid dog lover

I’ve owned many dogs throughout my life. Some were short-term pets, while others were forever friends. The smallest was a chihuahua with a big personality and the largest was a boxer who thought he was a lap dog. It didn’t matter how big or small. I had no fear. If you were a dog, I loved you, no questions asked.

Growing up with a passion was nice — to love something so vehemently. Life made sense whenever there was a dog in it. But, unfortunately, I haven’t lived with a dog in eleven years, and during this absence, fear’s taken hold.

Bitten in the past resulted in little consequence to my relationship with dogs and those I’ve given up through heart-wrenching tough decisions didn’t deter my adoration for the rascals in the least.

My first tinge of fear began when I learned pit bulls had lockjaw and had an untrustworthy disposition. I knew people who owned them disagreed with this analysis, but I didn’t know any pit bulls personally to quell my concerns. However, one fateful day, I met tweens in the park with their young puppy, who didn’t have the first clue how to raise a powerful breed. My unease around pit bulls grew and this distrust grew stronger throughout the years.

It didn’t sit easily with me having a biased opinion of a breed that society viewed negatively. I had preconceived notions and worried without educating myself with facts. Judging without data to develop a well-informed decision, I went with the flow of the masses and my self-proclaimed biases. I helped perpetuate the ostracization of pit bulls and their owners without heeding how my behaviour promoted division and perpetuated panic.

If only I had taken the time to do research, a hands-on investigation, or thorough reading, my fear of pit bulls could have subsided and brought out kindness instead of dread.

Pit bulls were only the beginning

Throughout the years, I’ve veered away from all breeds that fit the pit bull model — the Cane Corso, the bull terrier, the Neapolitan mastiff, and the pit bulls themselves. If this wasn’t problem enough, I now face distrust and uneasiness flowing into many existing breeds.

Why does this have any significance in this new year’s resolution? Do dogs need to have a place in my heart?

With a son preparing to adopt a Bernese Mountain Dog in his near future, a husband hungering for a dog in a few short years when he retires, and a notion of myself tied to being an avid dog lover, there is no place for fear. Instead, it shakes me to the core of who I am, who I want to be, and my vision for my future self.

If I’m no longer a dog lover, then who am I?

How are we to deal with reinventing ourselves when we are no longer recognizable, or is it key to work toward finding the parts of us we’ve lost?

When facing your fears becomes a lesson in finding yourself again

This past year, becoming a writer on Medium, I have formed deep connections I never believed imaginable. I’ve written for and become immersed in communities that exalt the virtues of dogs, even pit bulls, and those that place high regard on people.

At the beginning of my life, dogs taught me how to love. They trained me about unconditional love and showing kindness. Unfortunately, I’ve lost connections somewhere down the road and have somewhat become less kind.

Looking back, with news of households adopting dogs from different countries during COVID and observing the many breeds around my neighbourhood, my disconnect from dogs has become more pronounced, and I don’t like it at all.

As this year ends and we bring in 2022, I’m committed to rekindling my love of dogs and embracing kindness as my vision — toward people and all canines. Remaining generous toward myself and others is my long-term goal. I intend to dig deep and reconnect to the little girl I once was who was curious and kind-hearted.

I was my best version when connected to dogs — the girl who gave love freely to others. Although showing kindness may not instantly heal the world, I think it’s a pretty good place to start.

Thank you, Coffee Times, for giving me the nudge I needed to dig deep to name what’s missing in my life, reclaim it, and reignite the fire to inspire others without expectation.

Thank you to Flint and Steel for publishing me and making my entry a viable one.