I Joined A ‘Move To Spain’ Facebook Group And It Makes Me Want To Throw Up

The sense of general and cultural entitlement some people hold is revolting

Their kids don’t like the food in Spain.

They’re terrified they won’t be able to find an English-speaking doctor in Spain.

How do they move their three pets, including a parrot, two cars and vintage motorcycle to Spain?

And while they’re at it, they ask for somebody to list — in the comments — every single requirement for whichever fucking visa they say they want to apply for alongside step-by-step directions on how to fulfill each requirement alongside a lawyer who will do it all for them, but at a reasonable price.

Also, they need a place to stay that’s within walking distance to the beach, has a terrace, an American-style kitchen and bathroom, parking — and our budget is 600 euros. Eight hundred euros if we really fall in love with the place.

And because they joined a Facebook group, they assume all of the other members have signed sworn oaths to spoon-feed them all of this information and more — in English — within 14 seconds of their post.

As I worry aloud about being a douchebag for wanting to move to Spain, I realize these are the people who are the real douchebags for wanting, or at least wasting everyone’s time by saying they want to move to Spain.

As I noted in the above-linked douchebag post, my partner and I could move to any number of international locales for a lower cost of living, nice weather (which we already have) and a wholly walkable built environment.

We settled on Spain for two main reasons:

• We love most everything about the culture. But we not only love it, it’s what we want to live in the non-romanticized day to day. Speaking for myself, I sometimes feel as if I should have been born in Spain (or Italy).
• My girlfriend, who is Puerto Rican, speaks Spanish as her first language (and is fluent in English). And I’m learning Spanish as quickly and efficiently as I can.

Even with those two super important boxes checked, we’ll still go through an adjustment period. Some form of culture shock.

And guess what? We welcome it.

In fact, we consider it part of the process of moving to a new place where you are a — here’s the key word — foreigner.

It’s one thing to ask for help and solicit the experiences of others (all perfectly reasonable), it’s entirely another to feel like you shouldn’t have to feel clueless or do any real work along the way.

As a foreigner you can’t expect to just waltz into a new country and have everything handed to you. To seamlessly continue your comfortable American (or British or Irish or Australian or some other English-speaking) life, merely adding on the perks you expect to receive in your new country. Perks you act as if you’re entitled to receive.

And this is really what it comes down to. Entitlement. A sense of general and cultural entitlement, alongside an unhealthy dose of general and cultural superiority.

As if every non-English speaker in every non-English speaking country needs to be on call to make your transition pain and discomfort free. As if the fact that — well most people speak English in Spain anyways — gives you some birthright to be coddled in your native language.

Growing up I never quite understood why people from around the world — particularly Europe — often referred to ugly Americans. Now, after traveling there and researching an eventual move (specifically in these Facebook groups), I understand what they mean. However, it’s not just Americans who act this way. For fear of generalizing, it’s a large swath of English speakers.

It’s about more than your kids not liking the food. It’s about turning your nose up — or worse — at the food. That’s, at worst, disrespectful and, at best, a close-minded approach that indicates you don’t understand or appreciate and probably never will understand or appreciate the culture of the country you say you want to move to.

If your kids don’t like sardines, how about you go to one of the zillion American-style restaurants (serving everything from avocado toast to macaroni and cheese to hot dogs) or Hamburgueserías that litter the landscape in Spain?

If you’re worried about not being able to get by with English, learn Spanish. Because, just like in America, you can get by without knowing the native language, but you will have a much better — richer and more fulfilling — experience if you at least attempt or, better yet, actually learn the primary language of the country you’re visiting or moving to.

For goodness sake, sometimes I feel like an idiot for not knowing Spanish well enough yet in Los Angeles.

Bottom line — cost of living is, obviously, a factor in many decisions to move abroad. It definitely is in mine.

That said, if you’re moving for cost of living alone, you’re straddling douchebag status.

What kind of life are you looking to lead if you want to move a new place — with a different way of living — where you’re clearly at odds with the culture? I’m excited to face and — through hard work, savvy and determination — overcome the obstacles I’ll certainly face as my partner and I start act two of our lives in Spain.

But it’s about more than overcoming obstacles. It’s about having such respect and an appreciation — really an admiration — for a place, its people and its culture, where you put your ego a distant second and focus on humbly fitting in and figuring things out first.

This doesn’t mean you give up your Americanness. I’m pretty sure you’ll feel the influence of the United States across the globe. You certainly do in Spain. It just means that if you’re willing to leave America, you should also be more than willing to do things differently. And to anticipate and deal with the emotional, logistical and bureaucratic complications that will inevitably come along with the deal.

There’s very little American political conservatives and I agree on.

Many of them despise Europe. They hate the politics. They hate the social and economic policies. They don’t like the culture. They (in my opinion, irrationally) fear that the European way of life and true social democracy is pervading and will soon take over America. This sits at the heart of much of the division and subsequent backlash we’re seeing today in the United States.

That said, as much as I fundamentally disagree with all of this, I have to give it to these conservatives. They would never move to a European country. They would never relocate to, say, Spain and attempt to bend the country to their America-centric will.

And they take no exception with people like me wanting to move there. In their eyes, if I don’t like it here, I can leave. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Perfectly fair.

(For the record, I do like it here. And, also for the record, in this article, I am not referring to the great James Blick’s Facebook group, which is fantastic. I am referring to visa-specific groups).

It’s one thing to think you’re superior in some way while still in your home country. It’s entirely another to carry that attitude with you to a place where — even with all of this said — many governments and large segments of the population roll out the figurative welcome mat for you. A welcome mat so many Americans effectively spit on, even as they’re making a move.

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