F#&K The Binary

Who says it’s either this way or that way?

Pick your side.

It’s this side or that side. Are you female or male? Are you homosexual or heterosexual? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Are you married or single? Are you a top or a bottom?

There are only two columns. Sometimes you are expected to choose one or the other; mostly you’re assigned. You can argue all you want but people aren’t going to listen. There is no in-between.

Terrible life-long damage is done in the name of the binary.

The gender binary is real and not to be toyed with especially by anyone born with a penis. There are colors men can and should wear. Black, gray, brown, navy blue and forest green. Stray from that palette and pay the price. Men do not wear pretty colors or do their hair up nicely. If they do, they’re likely to get schooled in the appropriate behavior of men. That schooling can be violent.

Women don’t fare much better in the policing of gender. But somehow it’s more ok for a woman to wear a tuxedo than for a man to be caught out tooling around in a fetching couture gown.

However, trust women to be watching closely and taking appropriate action against the rebel who betrays her gender. That betrayal is done in numerous ways that include being sexually promiscuous; weighing too much; wearing that; talking too loudly; laughing too much; being opinionated and vocal about it; not shaving legs or, god help us, armpits; not having and not wanting to have kids; divorcing and remarrying too many times; never marrying and the list goes on.

And then there’s sexual orientation.

You get your choice: Column A (straight) or Column B (gay) and let’s not get any cute ideas about adding columns for bisexuals, pansexuals, demisexuals, or asexuals. It doesn’t matter who you’re attracted to. What seems to determine your sexual orientation is who you’re with right now. Woman with man: straight. Woman with a woman: gay

Woman with a man but with a woman two months ago? Confused. Experimenting.

Man with woman and man? Oh, stop it.

Since when did we get to be so uncomfortable with gray areas? Is nuance that threatening? Does everyone have to fit nicely into boxes marked clearly and accepted by polite society?

There seemed to be a brief, shining moment in the ’60s when the kids had had enough and the boys grew their hair long and the girls tossed the bras and girdles out. I was 11 years old and watching the television coverage of Woodstock with wide eyes. I’d had a shock only five years earlier when I suddenly wasn’t allowed to run around outdoors without a shirt. Because I was a girl. Quit asking all those questions, put on this shirt and go play.

I’m a bisexual switch (I “topped” professionally and still enjoy being at the boss end of a flogger but also enjoy spreading my arms and being at the business end of one as well) who grew up painfully shy and still sometimes has to push myself to talk to people in group settings but hand me a mic, put me on a stage and I will own that room. I have never identified as being particularly feminine but balk at sliding to the masculine end of the spectrum as well. That changes on a daily basis sometimes.

I live in New York City and every so often I’ll see some guy just hanging out with his friends in a really nice sundress. Maybe we’ll get another chance to ditch the binary as this batch of kids shrugs all that unimportant crap off. They have a planet to save and can’t be bothered with these tired old labels.

Dear God, I hope so.

© Remington Write 2019. All Rights Reserved.

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