F.E.A.R. Face. Everything. And. Rise.
I am a fearful person.
I don’t know how I became that way. It just sort of happened. So much so that what I see with my eyes becomes tinted with fear.
but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! — Jesus Christ
Sometimes I feel disconnected from everything, like I am an island to myself. I feel separated.
I was at a meeting today when a buddy brought up that F.E.A.R. was False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.
I have to say, I like that.
What I’m seeing with my eyes and what I’m feeling in my mind are not congruent with reality.
Still, it’s really hard when I’m viewing situations in such a way.
I know that I need to face everything, though.
I have to face the fearful thoughts. I have to Face Everything And Rise.
Usually, I retreat from my problems. I tend to run away when I am feeling really down and I escape into gambling.
But that’s not facing things.
That’s creating more problems.
That’s running away.
I like the analogy, false evidence appearing real.
Because I know that what I’m seeing, fear and disconnection, is not real, is not the truth.
It’s just what I am seeing.
I need to face it, and rise.
I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to escape into gambling.
In its place I am doing yoga everyday for thirty days.
Today is day 2.
If I’m being totally honest, the demons I have to face are guilt and shame. Feeling like I am not enough. And lack of love for myself.
I know it’s only day 2, but Yoga is helping me with those things.
I truly believe I can heal and be a healthier person.
I know that I need to have unconditional love for myself. So that I can love others unconditionally.
It starts with me.
And the love, it has to be unconditional.
Because, I’m always messing up.
It can’t be based on what I do, because I can’t reach the bar. It’s too high.
And, I’ll never be “good enough”.
Not because of what I do.
But because of my design, and because of my Creator.
I am enough.
I have inherent worth.
I can’t keep running away from my problems.
