Eyebrow Dandruff
Is that even a thing?
At the age of eighty-six Charles Wadenhauer went to see the eye doctor. He was afraid that he was losing his sight and felt he needed to get his eyes checked and perhaps get a stronger prescription for his glasses.
He had to wait an hour before the doctor could see him. He tried to read a magazine in the waiting room but he had trouble focusing on the words and his eyes quickly grew tired.
Finally the doctor called him in. Charles explained his eye problems to the doctor as he sat in the eye examination chair.
“Okay, if you’ll take off your glasses we’ll get started.”
Charles took off his glasses and handed them to the Doctor who looked them over.
“Well Charles, I think I see what the problem is right here. Your glasses are covered with eyebrow dandruff.”
“Eyebrow dandruff? What the hell is that?”
“It’s actually very common, especially among older balding men such as yourself. You see, as your head hair disappears your dandruff needs someplace to go so it migrates down to your eyebrows. Your eyebrows happen to be quite bushy so they can hold a lot of dandruff.”
“What the…?”
“Not to worry. We can fix that.”
“How?”
“Well, there are a couple of options.” The doctor went over to a side counter and picked up a black metal tray. Holding it in front of Charles he instructed him, “Now lean over the tray and rub your eyebrows.”
Charles did as he was told. When he stopped he was shocked to see that the black metal tray was covered with little specks of dandruff.
“That, Charles, is eyebrow dandruff. Like I said, it’s a very common malady.”
“So what are my options?”
“Well, the option I would recommend is surgery.”
“What?”
“Don’t worry. It’s a very simple and quick procedure called a browectomy. We simply remove your eyebrows permanently so that you never have to deal with eyebrow dandruff ever again. The surgery only costs a little over thirty-seven grand.”
“Surgery? Thirty-seven grand? Couldn’t I just shave off my eyebrows?”
“Yes, but they will grow back. This surgery permanently removes your eyebrows so you don’t have to worry about eyebrow dandruff again for the rest of your life.”
“Just how long do you think I’m gonna keep living? Probably not long enough to pay for that surgery.”
“Well, there is one other option. Luckily, a major pharmaceutical company recently came out with a new wonder drug to combat this serious condition. It’s called Browbeesha. Tests have shown that it is effective in almost sixty percent of eyebrow dandruff cases. All you have to do is take three pills a day — one with each meal. After a few months the eyebrow dandruff will most likely clear up. The one hundred tablet bottle costs a little over six hundred dollars. I can write you a prescription if you’d like.”
The doctor returned the black metal tray to the side counter and picked up two sheets of paper that were stapled together then handed them to Charles, “This is a list of possible side effects.”
Charles glanced over both typewritten pages. There were apparently many dozens of possible side effects. Charles slapped the palm of his hand to his forehead — inadvertently letting loose more eyebrow dandruff.
And that is when Charles spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a small cardboard box sitting on the side counter. Pointing at the box, he asked, “What’s that?”
The doctor went over to the box and picked it up, “This? This is a box of eyeglass wipes — you know, to clean your glasses with.”
“I’ll take a box of those.”
“Uh… well… okay. That will be sixty-three dollars.”
Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction. Stories by White Feather
Speaking of old men…
