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1991

Abstract

how all of you were incapable of driving competently.”</p><h2 id="a8b3">Need to mend some fences?</h2><p id="f713">Slip in an apology. Emily Philips used her obit to say she was sorry for making her daughter Bonnie wear <i>No Frills</i> jeans when she was little and for “red-shirting” her son Scott in kindergarten. “Apparently, each of these things was humiliating to them,” she acknowledged, “but both were able to rise above their shame and become very successful adults.” <i>Nice recovery, Emily.</i></p><h2 id="a2b6">Worn out? Fed up? Speak up!</h2><p id="dd7a">Mary “Pat” Stocks’s obituary laid the blame for her heart failure where she deemed it belonged. Her obit said her cause of death was believed to be, “from carrying her oxygen tank up the long flight of stairs to her bedroom.”</p><h2 id="6c28">Hate gawkers?</h2><p id="eeff">So did Angus MacDonald. His obit shared his discomfort with the idea of people, “gawking at me as I lie in a coffin.” Instead of “going to see the creator,” he said he’d be going to see “the cremator.” Angus’s obit speculated that his ashes would be kept around, “as long as they matched the décor.” <i>Tasteful.</i></p><h2 id="5f71">Regrets … you’ve had a few? Spell them out.</h2><p id="97d4">James Groth’s self-penned obit said his regrets were few — but he did regret “eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of 2002.” He further regretted in print that, “no video evidence exists of his prowess on the soccer field or in the bedroom.” <i>Hot dawg, James!</i></p><h2 id="a015">Are you the last to go?</h2><p id="3b85">Many an obituary states that the deceased was preceded in death by a sibling or spouse. Walter Bruhl, Jr.’s obit went further. It states he was “preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935, a spinal disc in 1974, a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988, and his prostate on March 27th, 2000.” <i>Death by a thousand cuts.</i></p><h2 id="8685">Proud of your ride? Point it out.</h2><p id="

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511a">The obituary of muscle car owner “Lucky Lorne” said he “leaves behind a 1974 Trans Am 450 Turbo, and four estranged kids.” Not being <i>Dad of the Year</i> didn’t seem to bother Lorne. His obit said his greatest accomplishment was “forcing his 1974 Trans Am over 150 miles an hour down the Port Alberni stretch.”</p><h2 id="4179">Are you a foodie? Spill your secrets.</h2><p id="2574">Harry Weathersby Stamps shared the sources for his signature bacon and tomato sandwich: “100% all-white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, homegrown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription.” <i>You don’t have a bacon-of-the-month subscription? Step up your game.</i></p><h2 id="1620">Animal-lover? State your preferences.</h2><p id="552b">Holly Blair’s obit states she was survived by “four spoiled cats, two stinky dogs, three bad birds, a turtle and an utterly useless frog named Fred, as well as three children and a husband of little to no importance.” <i>Even the “useless” frog got named. Sorry, hubby.</i></p><h2 id="35c6">Cat got your tongue?</h2><p id="9281">Maybe you’re a man of few words, like Douglas Legler. If so, get right to the point. Doug did. Beneath his photo, his obit simply read: “Doug died.”</p><p id="e73e"><i>Perhaps you’d rather leave a more meaningful parting message. <b>For my guide to writing an obituary or Legacy Letter, click <a href="https://psiloveyou.xyz/how-to-write-a-legacy-letter-d041fbe05607?sk=fb54c3fed2a7adb126a2d208f9cd8484">here</a></b>. Thank you for reading!</i></p><p id="de2e"><b>If you enjoyed this article, please use my affiliate link to <a href="https://judymillar.medium.com/membership">become a Medium member</a> today. You’ll get unlimited access to everything I write, plus everything else on Medium. I’ll receive a portion of your $5 monthly subscription fee at no additional cost to you.</b></p></article></body>

HUMOR

Eye-catching Obituaries You Can Model To Leave ’em Laughing

These funny farewells went viral. Yours might, too!

Sooner or later, you’ll shuffle off this mortal coil. Your obituary offers you one last chance to stand out from the crowd. Slip in a hilarious zinger, and you might even go viral!

Not sure how to turn your “In Memoriam” into an “In Hilariam?” Match your nearest personality prototype below, and model your farewell after one of these actual viral obits. They were scooped from local newspapers, shared on sites like Twitter, Reddit, BuzzFeed and Today.com., and read by millions:

Got a grievance to get off your chest (or other body part)?

Model your obit after Chan Holcombe’s. Chan’s obituary states he was born in a log cabin in Bates, where he “was circumcised with his dad’s pocket knife.” Ouch. Possibly TMI, Chan, but we now feel we know you well.

Got a political point to make?

Slip it in slyly, like Mike Blanchard did. Mike’s “In Memoriam” pointed out that many of his childhood friends had “gone on to become criminals, prostitutes or Democrats.”

Unsure about your politics? Avoid the subject.

Model William Ziegler, whose obituary (penned by his kids) states, “He escaped this mortal realm on July 29, 2016 — on purpose, to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election.”

Got a pet peeve?

Here’s your chance to complain! Copy Robert F. Gibson, whose obituary stated he was from northern Virginia, and said he hated, “how all of you were incapable of driving competently.”

Need to mend some fences?

Slip in an apology. Emily Philips used her obit to say she was sorry for making her daughter Bonnie wear No Frills jeans when she was little and for “red-shirting” her son Scott in kindergarten. “Apparently, each of these things was humiliating to them,” she acknowledged, “but both were able to rise above their shame and become very successful adults.” Nice recovery, Emily.

Worn out? Fed up? Speak up!

Mary “Pat” Stocks’s obituary laid the blame for her heart failure where she deemed it belonged. Her obit said her cause of death was believed to be, “from carrying her oxygen tank up the long flight of stairs to her bedroom.”

Hate gawkers?

So did Angus MacDonald. His obit shared his discomfort with the idea of people, “gawking at me as I lie in a coffin.” Instead of “going to see the creator,” he said he’d be going to see “the cremator.” Angus’s obit speculated that his ashes would be kept around, “as long as they matched the décor.” Tasteful.

Regrets … you’ve had a few? Spell them out.

James Groth’s self-penned obit said his regrets were few — but he did regret “eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of 2002.” He further regretted in print that, “no video evidence exists of his prowess on the soccer field or in the bedroom.” Hot dawg, James!

Are you the last to go?

Many an obituary states that the deceased was preceded in death by a sibling or spouse. Walter Bruhl, Jr.’s obit went further. It states he was “preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935, a spinal disc in 1974, a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988, and his prostate on March 27th, 2000.” Death by a thousand cuts.

Proud of your ride? Point it out.

The obituary of muscle car owner “Lucky Lorne” said he “leaves behind a 1974 Trans Am 450 Turbo, and four estranged kids.” Not being Dad of the Year didn’t seem to bother Lorne. His obit said his greatest accomplishment was “forcing his 1974 Trans Am over 150 miles an hour down the Port Alberni stretch.”

Are you a foodie? Spill your secrets.

Harry Weathersby Stamps shared the sources for his signature bacon and tomato sandwich: “100% all-white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, homegrown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription.” You don’t have a bacon-of-the-month subscription? Step up your game.

Animal-lover? State your preferences.

Holly Blair’s obit states she was survived by “four spoiled cats, two stinky dogs, three bad birds, a turtle and an utterly useless frog named Fred, as well as three children and a husband of little to no importance.” Even the “useless” frog got named. Sorry, hubby.

Cat got your tongue?

Maybe you’re a man of few words, like Douglas Legler. If so, get right to the point. Doug did. Beneath his photo, his obit simply read: “Doug died.”

Perhaps you’d rather leave a more meaningful parting message. For my guide to writing an obituary or Legacy Letter, click here. Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this article, please use my affiliate link to become a Medium member today. You’ll get unlimited access to everything I write, plus everything else on Medium. I’ll receive a portion of your $5 monthly subscription fee at no additional cost to you.