Summary

The author discusses the challenges of explaining non-traditional sexuality and gender pronouns to their children, particularly in the context of media references such as Demi Lovato's pronouns, a character's gender-neutral pronouns in "One Day at a Time," and the inclusion of a same-sex relationship in the new Buzz Lightyear movie, while also humorously recounting their dog's inappropriate behavior.

Abstract

The article titled "How I Avoid Explaining Sexuality to My Kids" delves into the author's personal experiences with navigating conversations about gender identity and sexual orientation with their young children. The author describes hearing about Demi Lovato's use of 'they/them' pronouns on the radio and feeling momentarily confused, which prompts them to wish for simpler explanations for their children. They also mention the Netflix show "One Day at a Time," where a character uses gender-neutral pronouns 'Zee/Zem,' and express a preference for this approach to avoid confusion. The author admits to feeling overwhelmed at the thought of explaining these topics to their 7-year-old daughter, opting instead for a safer viewing choice like "Toy Story." The author later reflects on an article about actress Patricia Heaton's negative reaction to the new Buzz Lightyear movie, which includes a same-sex relationship, and grapples with their own discomfort in discussing such themes with their children. A conversation with a friend, Hyder, encourages the author to consider the importance of being the one to educate their children about diverse sexual orientations, rather than leaving it to others. The article concludes with a humorous anecdote about the family dog's behavior, which the author uses to avoid discussing sexuality with their son.

Opinions

The author initially feels unprepared and wishes for simpler explanations when it comes to discussing gender identity and pronouns with their children.
There is a preference expressed for using less ambiguous gender-neutral pronouns like 'Zee/Zem' as a means to reduce confusion for children.
The author experiences discomfort at the idea of explaining a same-sex relationship to their children, as seen in their reaction to the new Buzz Lightyear movie.
The author acknowledges the inevitability of their children learning about diverse sexual orientations and is persuaded by a friend's argument that it's better for such information to come from parents.
Patricia Heaton's criticism of the new Buzz Lightyear movie's casting and inclusion of a same-sex relationship is viewed as insensitive and part of a "homophobic chorus."
The author ultimately recognizes the importance of addressing these topics openly with their children, framing it as simply about two people liking each other, rather than making it about sex.
The author uses humor to deflect an awkward situation involving their dog's behavior, which inadvertently leads to a conversation about sexuality with their son.

How I Avoid Explaining Sexuality to My Kids

There are some topics I’m not yet ready to discuss

Who are they?

Yesterday, I turned on the radio as I was driving home from work, and while the announcer was talking about Demi Lovato’s new song ‘29’, the pronouns ‘they/them’ were used to describe the former American Idol host.

“They’re being coy about this”, the disc jockey said. “but they’re obviously singing about actor Wilmer Valderrama in their new song”.

I had tuned into the radio station mid-conversation, so I felt I was missing out on some vital information.

Who are ‘they’?

As I pulled my car onto the main road, I finally clued in: “Oh— the announcer is only talking about Lovato. ‘They/Them’ must be Lovato’s pronouns.”

Explaining sexuality

Ok — mystery solved — but I couldn’t help wishing ‘they/them’ was replaced with something else. On the Netflix TV show, “One Day at a Time”, for example, one of the characters referred to themselves as ‘Zee/Zem’.

“Zee/Zem might have helped avoid some confusion”, I told my wife Karen when I arrived home a few minutes later.

(I know, I know. It’s not for me to decide what pronouns a person should use.)

“One Day at a Time” reminds me a bit of those classic '90s family comedies, like Family Matters or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, except for the fact that the daughter on this show comes out as a lesbian.

“I don’t have the energy to explain sexuality to our 7-year-old daughter tonight”, I said to Karen when we decided to stream a family show on Netflix after dinner. (We ended up choosing Toy Story for the 37th time.)

Speaking of Toy Story, the next morning I read a really interesting article by @darrylrscott that said actress Patricia Heaton doesn’t like the casting of the latest Buzz Lightyear movie. Her Republican buddy Tim Allen wasn’t cast to play the lead this time, and so she tweeted that the character was now ‘castrated’.

It turns out that the new Lightyear film includes a same-sex relationship that Scott describes as ‘the emotional heartbeat of the movie’.

“When Lightyear is already being unfairly targeted by the usual homophobic suspects, Patricia Heaton gladly joined the homophobic chorus”, writes Scott.

Heaton’s language was insensitive and crass, and while I don’t agree with her sentiment, I do usually feel uncomfortable with the idea of fielding questions about sexual orientation from my young kids when watching any sort of film.

“Is it because you don’t know how to explain a same sex relationship, or because you think your kids are too young?”, my friend Hyder asked me later that day.

Probably a bit of both, I told him.

“Well, let me tell you”, he continued, “whether you talk about it with them or not, they are going to find out about this stuff sooner or later from someone at their school. Wouldn’t you rather it come from you?”

I would. So we’ll watch the new Lightyear movie as a family soon. Hyder suggested that I simply tell the kids that some boys like boys, and some girls like girls. He said I shouldn’t make it about sex at all.

That made sense to me. The kids don’t have any real idea about the concept of sex. I suppose my Gen-X brain is making too much of it all. To my kids, it’s just about two people ‘liking’ each other.

A blanket humping dog

Yesterday, before dinner, I heard my young son Aiden laughing hysterically in the kitchen. “Daddy! Look what Benji is doing!”

Our puppy had bunched up a flannel blanket that he normally chews on, and was humping it on the tile floor.

“Benji! Stop that!”, I shouted. The tiny shitzu-terrier mix looked up at me and then trotted away like nothing ever happened.

Later that night, I told my wife about the embarrassing scene when she came home from another late shift at work. “What did Aiden say afterward?”, she asked.

“He said ‘Daddy, why did you tell him to stop?”, I replied.

“What did you say?”, she inquired, smirking.

“I told him Daddy was the only one in this household that was allowed to perform those particular movements”.

“You said that?!”, she exclaimed.

“Nah”, I laughed. “I told him the dog was dancing, and dogs aren’t supposed to dance.”