Expectations For Male Parents Are Low

When you are an involved parent, people say some funny sh*t.

I’m a pretty involved parent.

My wife and I share the roles of parenting pretty evenly across the board. I say that, but that is just an observation for this story. I don’t think either of us has ever really measured it.

We just care for our kids. It’s what we do. Because hell, they are OUR kids. So when people ask me how I survive when my wife goes out of town. I feel pretty discriminated against.

Nobody asks that of my wife when I’m gone. “Oh no, he’s gone for five days? How are you going to make it on your own?”. But if she is gone, people assume that we are going to starve or that they better start a meal train for us.

It’s the classic issue of judging people by their sex.

It's pretty rare for a guy to experience this type of thing, however, in my case the sexism is real. But listen, I get it. There are a lot of men out there that make us look pretty bad.

Men have a long history of parenting from a lazy boy. They sit back when they should stand up. This is a real issue that makes me a little crazy. Why the hell is it okay for men to do nothing while their wife does it all?

Nowadays it almost always takes two incomes to raise a family and yet most men still aren’t expected to do sh*t around the house.

Okay, well, I’m getting away from my point. Men need to be active participants in their family and we need to retrain people to expect that. But no matter what people think I’m still going to be an equal participant in my kid's lives.

I clean, I cook, I change diapers, I help my daughter with her homework, and I do all the other things my wife does. We parent together. Its better for us and its better for our kids.

Last week my wife went away on a “girls trip” for five days.

It was the first time in three years where our son's health was stable enough for her to go away and disconnect. My kids are medically fragile and they generally require a lot of care from both of us to maintain their health.

But the opportunity was perfect. The stars had aligned and my wife was about to get a much-deserved break. I was so excited for her. I rearranged my work schedule so it was possible and she disappeared with her friend. We barely had any contact other than the occasional picture proving how much fun she was having.

Side note: If you have never done this then please know that a break like this is super healthy and we all should do it sometimes.

But the week before she left we were flooded with concerns from people I think had our best interests in mind. However, it all sounded like a bunch of bullsh*t our culture has taught them to believe. Honestly, we were both pretty tired of it and decided to respond accordingly.

Person #1: “Poor guy. You’re leaving him alone with all the kids?”

My wife: Nope, we hired a woman to pretend to be his wife for the week. She will manage the kids and call him honey. She will also cook and clean and wipe his ass.

Person #2: “Who is going to feed the kids, when you are gone?”

My wife: No one. I’m just going to sprinkle the carpet with cheerios and juice boxes before I leave. The kids can graze when they get hungry.

Person #3: “Oh my god. She’s leaving you for five days? That's so long. How will you manage?”

Me: Pure grit. This will be my hardest battle, but my greatest victory. They will write ballads of my courage and bravery. The world will know of my strength in the midst of such overwhelming odds. I expect it to become a blockbuster movie someday.

Person #4: “Is your mom going to stay with him?”

My wife: Yes, because according to the Mother’s Code of Ethics, if the appointed mother is not available then the mother’s mother must step in.

Person #5: “What if you have to leave the house and take the kids somewhere on your own?”

Me: We won’t leave. I am turning the house into a doomsday bunker. Nothing will get in and nothing can get out. We will have enough beans and rice to survive the apocalypse.

Person #6: “I don't know how you can leave them alone. I couldn't ever do it.”

My wife: I know it sounds crazy but I used to say the same thing. But then I realized I was buying into a culturally abusive system that overworks mothers and sells fathers short. But don't worry, you too can see the light.

My wife deserves a break.

Raising kids is hard and mommy guilt is real. This is enough of a barrier to break through without the added guilt of people acting like it is unfair for her to leave the kids with me.

And beyond that, give me a little credit. I am an active father. Don't assume that I am not able to care for my kids alone for a few days. The house won’t burn down and we won’t starve. Life will go on like normal and that’s how it should be.