Expectation Is The Trigger To The Time Bomb Called Disappointment

It was 30 minutes past 11 in the night and Gary couldn’t be more excited about his birthday. He was sitting on his bed, earphones plugged in, listening to music while his phone was kept charging beside him. (He would certainly need that battery for all the calls he would have to take.)

15 minutes to 12 and Gary got all dressed up expecting his friends to come over and throw a bash. “I can’t wear this new t-shirt with all the cake they would smear on me”, he thought to himself and pulled out an old tee to wear on. “Should I pretend to be asleep if they come over or should I be busy elsewhere?” It was 12 and swelled with excitement, he unlocked his door from the inside, awaiting his friends and what awaited him was just an empty corridor.

“Ok, maybe let’s wait for some more time. They must be just around the corner.” In the meanwhile, he desperately unlocked his mobile to check for any messages from his friends. None! “Haha, maybe it is a prank, I am sure.”

5… 10… 15 minutes passed and there was not a single notification on his mobile. His friends had totally forgotten about his birthday. Disappointed and frustrated he changed his clothes and went off to sleep. That day, after a very long time, Gary shed a tear.

We have all had that one birthday in our life where we expected just so much and ended up being disappointed. If you are still guessing who Gary is, that was a slightly edited story of my 20th birthday last year. Yes, my friends had forgotten my birthday and no, I didn’t change for them. (I was in a hostel and you don’t change your clothes so frequently there)Now, I have got amazing friends, but sometimes life just happens to teach you lessons in ways you wouldn’t want it to! That day, and many other events have culminated in me writing this blog.

One another real-life example I would like to give is this (Please bear with me) Very recently, IndusInd Bank came out with its Quarter results. It posted a Quarter-on-Quarter 77% slump in profit. Now with such huge losses, any layman would expect it’s stock price to dive down. It came as a surprise to many when it’s price rallied a staggering 19% upwards the very next day. Why did this happen? The market was expecting terrible losses with an estimate of more than a 90% slump in profits. The market was treated with something way better than their expectations and despite the losses being huge in an absolute term, expectations were what led to the upward rally. Much similar to this is our life!

Just like how the market prices in all the expectations, our feelings too, factor in all our expectations.

And when the reality is even a bit offset from our expectations it explodes into either disappointment or immense joy. When I woke up early in the morning on my birthday, I had received a sweet letter written to me by my mother. It was the first time in 20 odd years that she had shown a gesture such as this and it was more than enough to turn my day around. Now, had the same letter or message been written to me by one of my close friends, it wouldn’t even compete with what I felt on receiving it from my mother. Why? Because that is what anybody would expect from a close friend. I always like to use analogies and I feel,

Expectation is like lending a loan of happiness to someone, in a world where the counterparty default risk is very high

Similarly, many a time we go out of the way to help someone and expecting the same from them in the future just becomes our second nature. It’s as if we did help them just to get it back later on in life, and when it is not reciprocated well, we all know what happens.

We as humans generally tend to do what we do out of expectations; and when that happens, it becomes more of a result-driven process than a purpose-driven one.

I have had a fair share of disappointments in my life majorly because of high expectations and after a certain point, I started to identify the cyclical nature of it. When you face a problem repeatedly in life, you decide to chase it and destroy it once and forever. This is one key takeback for me:-

Your happiness is your responsibility

If it makes you happy, it doesn’t have to make sense to others

After my birthday, I realized that being able to enjoy one’s own company is very important in life. You needn’t always be dependent on your friends, family members, relationships, or colleagues to bring that factor in your life. Let that just be an addition to an already happy individual. Yes, I understand that it is far easier said than done, but, I have started going on more solo lunches post my birthday and it’s been fine! Imagine not having to cancel a plan just because your friends couldn’t make it. Trust me, that can happen!

To end things, I would say, while expectations are indeed very natural, it is equally important to defuse that time bomb called disappointment well before it sets off. I generally question what I feel and why I feel that, and try to nip it in the bud the next time it happens. I hope you can find your own way to do so.

The response I have got from my readers in the past few days has been indeed overwhelming and much to my surprise. Writing blogs has been a good way to keep a track of time in times like these, and I know I am a week late. While most think, writing comes easily to me, let me tell you it is indeed quite the opposite. I observe human behavior in a very peculiar way and particularly how we react to certain situations. I like to break down our emotions and thought processes in a very logical way, to avoid repetitions of such occurrences and try my best to write what I feel. If my blog can influence or change your thought cycle even one bit, it would be great to hear from you. After all, this is what pushes me to go blog after blog!

~Adit D