Thoughts and Kicker

Exclusive: Thoughts-And-Prayers Man Flies to Martha’s Vineyard

A telepathic transcription by yours truly

Disclaimer: I’m NOT Thoughts-And-Prayers-Man. He sent me the following text by telepathy and prayed me to transcribe it and publish it as a Medium story. I didn’t edit his thoughts for fear of modifying his intent. I pray you’ll find it as enlightening as I did.

Not all superheroes wear a cape, but I do.

As soon as I heard about the migrants’ plane landing on Martha’s Vineyard, I put on my Thoughts-And-Prayers suit and took the train to the airport. I was going to fly there and HELP with my thoughts and my prayers.

I texted DeSantis from the train to ask him to pay for my tickets. He was rude and told me I would be useless there. He had better things to do with his money, like sending more migrants to more places.

I was sad, but it didn’t matter. I had other options.

I went to superheroflights.com (not an affiliate link) and searched for good deals there, but nothing came up. All the low-profile superheroes wanted to show up and earn PR points; same problem as usual.

So, I thought and prayered for a few minutes, and, sure enough, my phone pinged, and there was a boarding pass for the next plane to Martha’s Vineyard Airport waiting for me in my WhatsApp messages.

At the check-in counter, I tried to think and pray an upgrade to business class, but it didn’t work because of some interferences in the spiritual realm of quantum thinking.

That was all right. I had my ticket to Martha’s Vineyard; it was the most important. I knew I would help good people there, people who needed me.

I’m not talking about the migrants. They receive thousands of thoughts and prayers from around the world every day. It’s a sad fact of life that poor people get much more than their fair share of thoughts and prayers. It’s even indecent if you ask me, and that’s why I exist.

I right the wrongs. I pray the thoughts. I think the prayers. I am … THOUGHTS-AND-PRAYERS MAN!

You can’t imagine how happy the locals were to see me. They had suffered. They were hurt. They needed my help. Finally, someone was listening to them and showing some compassion:

“We made a lot of efforts to meet and greet the immigrants sent to us, but everybody’s making fun of us on Twitter. Is that fair?”

I knew what they meant. My answer?

=> Thoughts and Prayers

“We’re not used to that kind of populace around here. Our guests are usually highly educated, or at least with loads of money. These people … I don’t know, they’re different.”

Exactly. My answer?

=> Thoughts and Prayers

“I mean, I don’t want to look like someone who complains, but seeing what we saw and hearing what we heard … That were pretty inhumane conditions for me and my family.”

That one was tough. Really tough. I almost cried. But I found the answer.

=> Thoughts and Prayers

Color me proud.

Once again, I came to the people in dire need of my help.

And I’m ready to do it again.

I heard DeSantis has “secured $12 million to pay for migrant relocation.” That’s plenty of people needing my thoughts and prayers.

They can count on me.

Delaware! Here I come.

I right the wrongs. I pray the thoughts. I think the prayers. I am … THOUGHTS-AND-PRAYERS MAN!

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