avatarJ & J (Jessica & Joshua J. Lyon, BSQP, CNP)

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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

Excited to Announce the Upcoming Amazon Short Story: David

This article is hitting on a couple of points in regards to the upcoming book. The book is a brief summary of who exactly King David was as a teen and where he came from, in a story you have never read before!

This upcoming book is a psychological and historical point of view. And this story details what his life in these years can do for you — for your life, your motivation, and your ways of living, even relationships. Life principles are not limited to religion, so forget that this is based on a Bible story, it’s real life.

David book cover provided by author

“When a lion or a bear came, and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after him, and struck him, and rescued it out of his mouth.” 1 Samuel 17 : 34 & 35.

Why My Version is Different

Throughout my story of David, I compare psychological concepts with historical texts to bring you the person. Not take one biblical selection and pretend that no pastor or theologian ever does additional research.

Foremost, David was a warrior

There have been authors that noted David “boasted” about killing a lion and a bear THAT attacked his flock when he told King Saul about these situations. I would like to talk about how this perspective boils the blood of real warriors. First off, warriors don’t give a sh*t about most situations, they just respond the best they can. Some people need to look beyond themselves, I think these writer’s are talking about themselves.

Military veterans don’t tell you their deepest stories, you have not earned them, you really don’t care and we know that, and you were not there in the fire. When we are in the room with a bunch of soldiers, discussing warrior stuff, well — we discuss warrior stuff. There is not gloating or boasting; the facts are told. David was stating that the king was incorrect by using his experience, because the king was incorrect, and David told it the way it was. That is a warrior, through and through. That is how a Navy SEAL takes over a room. By experience.

Example of other books and writers. Many translations say “smote” when David killed a lion(s) and a bear(s). The New Living Translation reads “with a club”. David did not kill anything with no tiny club (he was smaller than his brothers), especially a large Syrian Bear. Which would have been the bear of his era and location — your Bible did not need to tell us that, if we did our research like the Bible says to do (God wants us to realize our life does not reflect anyone else’s). Syrian Bears are not the largest, however. But, look at it. What warrior is that dumb to run at this with a club, much less a teen shepherd?

So, what combat strategy did David use (if he ultimately used a club to kill the aggressive animal)?

Ursus arctos syriacus Hemprich & Ehrenberg, 1828 — Syrian Brown Bear — https://www.biolib.cz/en/image/id421113/

Another reason we know what David used:

Let’s take this to the Meriam-Webster Dictionary.

And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice… — Numbers 20:11

So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David. — 1 Samuel 17:50

And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzza, and he smote him, because he put his hand to the ark: and there he died before God. — 1 Chronicles 13:10

And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost. — Acts 12:23

Smote just means “hit”. With a rock, hand, paper airplane, or whatever. God told David to ONLY BRING STONES when he faced Goliath. So, with stones David “smote” Goliath, then used an object (in this case a sword) to ultimately end the battle. David trained with and was proficient with the items God told him to use, God id not call him to use a spear, use armor, or pretend to be someone he was not.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/smote

This is not rocket science. The Bible tells us everything we need to know. If we study it. If we don’t study it, we’re just a box of rocks. Stupid. Google is a lifesaver. Use it. The key is cross-reference, cross-reference, cross-reference; all pastors will tell you to cross-reference them.

Next

In the short story I discuss how David was born. There are conflicting stories as to whether David was born from a prostitute or his mother (but a different father). I tackle this fact, too, and give you the truth of it. Again, the Bible does not need to give us 2+2, when it brings us all the intel we need and we have basic sciences, like psychology. Even history alongside reading the Bible.

This short story will be hopefully completed on Halloween, not ready for sale yet. Just two months away! Release date is dependent on research speed.

“Thrown to the sheep, forgotten, came out a king” what’s your excuse? A prophet came to the house of David’s father, Jesse and asked Jesse to bring all his sons. Back then, prophets were basically law. So, in this instance when Jesse was asked to bring all his sons, with no hesitation Jesse did not give a rats fourth-point-of-contact about David — to a prophet!

Guess what the prophet saw when David walked in the room? A God-fearing warrior who lived a life defending helplessness with a wicked aim with a Shepherd’s Sling. Imagine what David could do with an army after he becomes proficient. He was one of the greatest kings and warriors to ever walk the planet. He did not kill a leopard with a spear, he took out at least 1 lion and 1 bear before the age of 16 with just his staff, Shepherd’s Sling, and knife (maybe a sword, probably not). I think Spartans came from David.

To look at my other short story publications, go here.

Child of a King Series, provided by author
Provided by author
Haiti Flatlined, provided by author
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