Exceptional People Won’t Look Down on You
Three ways to spot the impostors among them.
Have you ever been in the same class/cohort or office with someone who seems sparkling, personality and achievement-wise, but their presence always makes you question your worth and competency? Being less experienced and achieving than them followed by a hint of low self-esteem kind of adds salt to the wound?
Things you’d possibly do to find out more about how they excel might be observing from afar then approaching them to get to know better.
You don’t plan to immediately make friends with this person. You just want to have a good conversation and maybe pick up some insights from them but somehow they keep ignoring you for no reason and only answer you when things concern them.
They see you as if you’re way below them and you’re not worth their time just because you don’t reach their level yet. Whatever that level means to them.
I had been in that kind of position once. I had the tendency to put others on a pedestal while repeatedly degrading myself because I didn’t quite know who I was and my “why”. The grass always seems greener on the other side when you don’t put faith in yourself.
That clearly opened a very wide gap for self-hate and emotional abuse but thank God for the chances to meet many TRULY wonderful and amazing humans out there, I’m already out of that phase by now.
Those people who uplift you are usually very humble that you wouldn’t know what they are capable of until you become their friend. They also hope to see you do just as well as them.
Meanwhile, more often than not, there are also many “pseudos” hiding among them. I’m talking about the pretentious and sly foxes who don’t hesitate to throw others under the bus just so they can fit into a certain standard of “elitism”.
They seem so perfect when you take a look at their grades or CVs. Usually followed by the bubbly and sociable personality type at the first impression until you talk to every single person on Earth who, more or less, know them personally.
Every bullying victim, enemy, acquaintance of theirs.
They also tend to quickly change their attitudes around you after finding out that you may not be what they expect you to be. Here’s how to spot one and why you should stay away from them.
- They tend to make you feel small and control what others think.
I used to have this classmate of mine whom I once admired for displaying strong dedication and resilience in her academic goals. She’s also a very confident person and easily every lecturer’s favorite student. At that time, I thought it was normal for her to act cynical towards me. I simply tolerated that and kept quiet about it because as a mediocre student with lack of motivation, I felt that I didn’t deserve to be treated equally by someone like her.
She was also often caught gossiping about others a lot, according to the account of my other ex-classmate. “Nah, Monika, she literally has something to say about everyone. It ain’t just you. Even those you think are close to her.”
Gossiping says a lot about the character of a person and this quote may have already sounded cliché by now but I strongly uphold this as the rule of thumb to judge a person’s true character:
Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.
Gossipers are the most pathetic excuse of human beings. Seriously? Out of everything under the blue sky that you can possibly discuss with another human beings, you’d choose spreading misinformation about someone’s life, where they’re unable to defend themselves directly, in order to convince others for how superior you are? I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that this particularly toxic habit is still accepted in today’s society. But I digress.
Exceptionally strong minded people won’t have time for this kind of bullsh*t because they’re too busy focusing on themselves, perfecting their crafts and knowledge. They don’t have to assassinate someone’s character to get to the top because they have faith in their own abilities to reach their goals.
2. Fake it until you make it? More like, fake it until you get caught.
“Fake it until you make it” can only work to a certain extent. You can’t hide your nasty behaviors forever if you are aiming to be extraordinary.
These fakers are like very good salespeople who sell mediocre products. They are nothing more than a group of very convincing fraudsters. It’s like the opposite of Impostor Syndrome.
They don’t really believe in what they do or the products they sell. Nothing about them is ever authentic and I bet they don’t even know themselves very well. Honestly, I feel pity for these people because it might have been the results of poor or abusive social conditioning that they have had to go through since childhood.
Being born and raised as Chinese, it’s not uncommon for us to be taught by our parents that our worth and identity as individuals come in the forms of GPA, money, and social status.
Which is pretty f*cking sad, objectifying and humiliating at its worst, considering that those are man-made concepts that were created solely to maintain order and discipline that may improve our ways of living in a society. Even that is up to debate and subject to changes, but I’m not writing this article to discuss about sociopolitical ideologies. Not for now.
They never do things for themselves. They achieve something just to be accepted by their surroundings. I myself can’t fully blame them for this though because who knows, it might be their only key to survival.
Unless you’re on the same page as them, being around this type of people is emotionally and intellectually very exhausting so it’s advisable to keep some distance away from them.
3. They can’t take criticism properly
It’s all rainbow and sunshine with a hint of awkwardness when you praise them, which is often followed by fake humility;
“Hahaha, really? No, I don’t think I’m that good.”
Extraordinary people would have just thanked you and moved on.
On a flip side, they would do anything to avoid being harshly criticized, including becoming the biggest bootlickers you’d ever know. When they do get criticized, they always manage to find ways to blame others. Not to mention, the emotional outbursts that come after that.
“NO WAY I DO THIS WRONGLY!! HOW DARE MY BOSS SAID THAT TO ME!!”
This is when the gaslighting comes in action.
“This is obviously Meghan’s fault. She didn’t listen when I explained the task to her!”
In reality, they might be the ones with ego so inflated that they expect everybody to read their minds and follow their personal agendas. They don’t trust the capabilities of others to get things done on behalf of them yet they also don’t give a damn about helping to fix the struggles and tension within the team setting. They don’t care about anyone’s growth but themselves.
The audacity to label themselves as “leaders”, just because it looks good on CV.
Conclusion
To recap, if you’re currently in the same fragile situation where you need real guidance to transform your life, here are the things that you should keep in mind.
How to tell apart the genuinely brilliant and inspiring people from the rest: 1. They respect and see you as their equal regardless of who you are or what you have been doing in your life
2. They have more faith in you than yourself because they might have been in the same position as you
3. They don’t mind sharing the tips and tricks to their success because they acknowledge that those “secrets” were once sought from other successful figures before them
4. They practice kindness and humility (even when no one’s looking)
5. They aren’t afraid to speak their minds
6. They don’t do things just to flatter