Eww NASA Delete Those Pictures of Me Right Now

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and pore. I understand that your Perseverance rover captures more detail, but there is such a thing as too much detail. Especially when it comes to my face.Look, I don’t care about “groundbreaking discoveries” or “pivotal space exploration.” I care about my social life. This will ruin me. Pluto had like one photo of her orbiting the sun at a weird angle and she isn’t a planet anymore.I don’t think you understand how annoying Moon is. For real, if a bad picture of me gets out, Moon will never let me live it down. Yeah, she’s glowy and helps your tides or whatever, but have you ever talked to her at a party? She is so self-obsessed. Like I get it you have a million songs written about you, but you can’t habitat life either so you aren’t better than me bitch. Ugh.NASA please I look soooo bad.Just so you know, I was planning on revamping my image this millennia. And I can’t distance myself from “The Red Planet” when there are dozens of images of me looking flushed and rashy all over the goddamn internet.Di

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d Earth send you just to spite me? I know she’s totally still bitter about our breakup. But long-distance is one thing, 292.5 million miles is another. You can just let her know that Phobos and I are very happy together, and Phobos doesn’t get too busy “supporting hundreds of ecosystems” unlike some planets I know.It’s just hard being Mars, okay? Venus is the goddess of beauty, Saturn’s accessories are untouchable, and people damage their corneas just to look at Sun.Meanwhile, my nickname is Ol’ Dusty Rusty.NASAAA can’t you just post the Hubble ones instead? 24 years won’t make a difference when I’m 4.6 Billion years old.Ughhhhh fine whatever just put a filter on it okay?Also, if you even think about posting my age I swear to Jupiter I will kill you.Halle Hoffman is a comedy writer and actor based in Chicago. In her free time, she likes to teach gloomy young men to embrace life’s infinite possibilities before vanishing from their lives forever.</article></body>

I don’t care about “groundbreaking discoveries” or “pivotal space exploration.” I care about my social life.

Dear NASA,

I just want to start by saying I do appreciate you taking the time to do a photoshoot of me. I know it took seven months for you to get here, and it couldn’t have been easy to make it through my death trap atmosphere. It was very sweet of you.

But delete those pictures of me right now. I look hideous.

I’m serious, you can see every single crater and pore. I understand that your Perseverance rover captures more detail, but there is such a thing as too much detail. Especially when it comes to my face.

Look, I don’t care about “groundbreaking discoveries” or “pivotal space exploration.” I care about my social life. This will ruin me. Pluto had like one photo of her orbiting the sun at a weird angle and she isn’t a planet anymore.

I don’t think you understand how annoying Moon is. For real, if a bad picture of me gets out, Moon will never let me live it down. Yeah, she’s glowy and helps your tides or whatever, but have you ever talked to her at a party? She is so self-obsessed. Like I get it you have a million songs written about you, but you can’t habitat life either so you aren’t better than me bitch. Ugh.

NASA please I look soooo bad.

Just so you know, I was planning on revamping my image this millennia. And I can’t distance myself from “The Red Planet” when there are dozens of images of me looking flushed and rashy all over the goddamn internet.

Did Earth send you just to spite me? I know she’s totally still bitter about our breakup. But long-distance is one thing, 292.5 million miles is another. You can just let her know that Phobos and I are very happy together, and Phobos doesn’t get too busy “supporting hundreds of ecosystems” unlike some planets I know.

It’s just hard being Mars, okay? Venus is the goddess of beauty, Saturn’s accessories are untouchable, and people damage their corneas just to look at Sun.

Meanwhile, my nickname is Ol’ Dusty Rusty.

NASAAA can’t you just post the Hubble ones instead? 24 years won’t make a difference when I’m 4.6 Billion years old.

Ughhhhh fine whatever just put a filter on it okay?

Also, if you even think about posting my age I swear to Jupiter I will kill you.

Halle Hoffman is a comedy writer and actor based in Chicago. In her free time, she likes to teach gloomy young men to embrace life’s infinite possibilities before vanishing from their lives forever.