LEADERSHIP MADE HARD
Everything You Need to Know to Captain a Tennis Team…
…You learned as a kindergartener
It seemed like a small ask.
“Would you be willing to captain our tennis team?” Tom, the tennis pro at my country club, asked.
“What’s involved?” I asked.
The response I got back was not honest.
“Not much. Manage the calendar. Figure out who partners with who. Make sure there are good snacks at the end. The women like scones, maybe some banana bread, cheese with crackers, nuts…simple stuff…oh, and always dark chocolate, which they’ve convinced themselves is healthy.”
That all seemed very doable.
So I said yes.
I didn’t know that on almost every middle-aged women's tennis team, there will be a set of divas who believe they’ll make the circuit. These are the women who will make sure to hit their groundstrokes extra hard or slam an overhead right near the net person.
They seem to forget this is club play — that is until they mistakenly hit someone and then will quietly mutter, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”
Except I’m never convinced.
There are also aspirational tennis players who don’t have much game but very much want to play. They take lots of lessons, grab as much court time as they can, and try like the devil to get the divas to hit with them, usually to no avail.
Me?
I am somewhere in the middle. I have game but have no illusions of being better than I am and readily acknowledge the women who bring major skills and presence to the court.
In general, these women fall into one of two categories:
- They played in college and have strong muscle memory. They can still do most of what they did, but just a little slower. Most importantly, they bring confidence.
- Older women who are smart and proud of their finesse. They will dissect their opponent’s game in no time flat and then add the drop shot or the lob to cast more doubt and confusion.
As a personal aside, I love seeing Group 2 beat Group 1, which happens more often than one would think. It’s when I jump up out of my seat and say, “Yay for older, smart women.”
I do this mostly in my head, though, so as not to offend anyone.
To manage the motley crew of former talents, wannabees, and aging smart stars in one team requires the diplomacy of Winston Churchill and the kindness of Mr. Rogers.
In order of importance, I was a:
Psychologist Peacemaker Baker Cheerleader
And, oh yes, a tennis player.
I knew the challenges would be steep early on when the captain of an opposing team took me aside and asked me if one of my teammates was bipolar and having a moment on court.
Focusing on my teammate in question, I understood why she asked.
My teammate was walking in tight circles while she rolled her shoulders and berated her partner. As if that wasn’t enough, she then looked askance across the net at her evil opponents.
Something was definitely going on.
What did I say to the other tennis captain?
Of course, I had no answer. All I could say was, “I don’t know, but if you feel the need, file a protest.”
On another occasion, one of our players clearly called an in-ball out at a critical time in the match. The pressure was getting to her, and it was clearly cheating.
I couldn’t say she had “old eyes” because she was one of our younger players. Instead, I was speechless but tried to look at the offending teammate and let my eyes speak to her.
It didn’t work.
So Tom, the tennis pro, had it wrong.
He knew it, too, but then again, a sucker is born every minute, and I was “born” the minute he asked, and I said, “Yes.”
I actually said yes three times, thinking I would get the hang of it and the job would get easier.
It didn’t.
So it was my turn to find another sucker.
I did.
And when the next sucker in line asked me what did she need to know, I didn’t lie. I referred to the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum.
My abbreviated version went like this:
- Make sure players share: That means partners, tennis balls, and early or late game status on the court (almost everyone wants to be first up).
- Don’t hit: These are the mental jabs — not physical ones — that erode confidence. Instead, tell teammates, “I believe in you,” as opposed to “You need better court coverage.”
- Play fair: Make sure players understand they can’t call a ball out unless it is out, and you’ll be watching. Raise the ante and tell them, “No cookies for you if you cheat.”
- Hold hands and stick together: Win or lose, the best teams are the ones that value each other and play as a team. I added to the new captain in training, “You can use that saying, ‘There is no ‘I’ in team.’”
- Cookies and milk, or seltzer, or wine after match play: All matches should end with good food. It calms the mood and makes everyone happier.
And then I said, “Have fun.”
I knew she wouldn’t.
And then I said to me, “Yipee! You get to actually focus on playing tennis and improving your game.”
I almost felt guilty, but I had served my time and would be a valuable resource and baker for the new captain.
What I didn’t do?
Thank Tom.
He didn’t deserve it, and I should have known from that smirk on his face when he said “not much” that he was hiding a bitter truth.
Strange, isn’t it, that the game of tennis begins with a score of “Love all.”
Thanks for reading my story.
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