Everything I Know I Learned From Waitressing Badasses
International Women’s Day
I worked in the restaurant industry for 27 years. I didn’t work in any old restaurant. I worked in America’s oldest restaurant situated on Boston’s Freedom Trail. It was a hub where history met the modern day, where families and tourists and politicians and famous people rubbed elbows whether they knew it or not. It was a living museum and behind the scenes — it was my first university.
I am honored to have worked with some of the most amazing people I have ever met, mostly women. Today, on International Women’s Day, I am pulled back to the strong women who made me who I am. I remember those who dispensed knowledge, criticism, and mentorship way before it was cool. These were women who worked harder than most men and earned their respect and their paychecks through quick-thinking, fast-talking, and loyalty to their jobs and each other. Working with these women was not like any other job I have ever had. We fought and laughed and loved hard. We built friendships like those of war veterans.
We worked in the trenches that fueled our city’s celebrations, vacations, office parties, and life’s marked occasions. We worked to ensure that those who spent time with us, remembered it, and told their friends. We were waitresses, before they donned us servers, when waitresses earned $2 an hour (and although I’m dating myself, even before that). Our income was tips. We survived on showing you a good time. We earned every penny.
The lessons I learned between these old walls have carried me through my life. The friendships I made have been the most inspirational, supportive, and lasting relationships I have had. I don’t carry with me the sore feet, bad back, or complaints. I carry with me the laughter, tears, and life lessons that were dispensed daily.
Many of these women are no longer with us. I am grateful for having known them and to be able to count them among my friends. I am grateful for the time that we shared together and everything they have taught me. I hope you can apply some of their wisdom to your life immediately.
Preparation is key.
A lot goes in to preparing a restaurant for the day. There is set up and break down and constant cleaning and replenishing. Knowing what we needed was half the battle. The other half was being prepared. When you are caught off guard or reach for something and it is not there, it can set your day back from the start. So, start off reviewing what you have to do and what you need to do it. Keep the staples on hand and you’ll never be caught looking incompetent.
They wouldn’t call it work if it was fun.
Nobody said every day would be a party. Work is work. Some days it is hard. Suck it up.
Late is a sign of disrespect.
Seriously, what makes you think that your time is any more valuable than anyone else’s? If someone asks you to be somewhere at a certain time, there is a reason. If that place is your job, that is the reason. If that place is anywhere else, there is still a reason or a plan. Be on time.
A little lipstick can change your day.
Sometimes you need to fix your hair, put on a little lipstick, and fake it til you make it.
Multi-tasking and organization are keys to survival.
A good waitress never has empty hands. If you go the bar, bring glasses. If you go the kitchen, take back what you need to. This can be applied directly to your life. Think about where you need to be and what you need to accomplish each task along the way. Make use of your time. Group tasks when possible. Save steps. Save time. Save energy. Be efficient.
You can do anything, if you know when it ends.
There are going to be hard days. However, you know that it will end and you can put it behind you. You can get through one bad day. You’ve done it before. You’re a survivor.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Laughter takes the sting out of just about any situation. Look for the humor. It’s there. It is always there.
Now, for other illnesses…Ease cramps with blackberry brandy. A toothache can be soothed if you rub whiskey on your gums. An upset stomach can be cured by bitters and soda, ginger, or even flat ginger ale. For diarrhea, try rice with soy sauce. Drink plenty of water. And the best cure for a hangover is mashed potatoes and hair of the dog that bit you. Good, supportive shoes are a life-saver.
Learn to think on your feet.
There is a solution for every problem. Honesty is key. Communication is gold. Bullshitting is a life saving ability.
Mingle. Mingle. Mingle.
Shake hands and kiss babies. Be quick with a story or joke, a compliment or response. Your social skills will carry you far. Every introduction is an opportunity to network and you never know who you are talking to.
There is great power in the words “how nice”.
When you simply can’t take it any more and can’t find a kind word to say, try “how nice” (Or substitute any two happy words you like). “That’s great!,” “So cool!,” “Thank you”… the trick is to sub out two words of your choice with the two words you really want to say. So, really, you know that every thank you is a big FU. There is joy in interpersonal connections. Sometimes you just have to create it.
Work well with others.
Collaborate. Communicate. Cooperate. You cannot do it alone and you don’t always get to choose your partner for group work. Every one brings something to the table. Identify people’s assets and make use of them. Offer the same in return.
Rub your money on your feet.
Work is hard but, don’t forget, you get paid for it.
The customer is always right, but…
Not everyone is kind. Know your worth. Whatever you do, do it with pride. And do not let anyone make you feel like less than.
Yelp is for Losers.
Nine times out of ten, the person who posts a negative Yelp review knew that they would post a negative Yelp review before they left the house. There was nothing you could have done to have made them happy. In fact, they probably only post negative reviews. What a terrible way to live!
If you can’t play with the big dogs, don’t get off the porch.
Just don’t.
There is an amazing world in your own neighborhood.
Step outside and look around. View your neighborhood as if you were visiting it for the first time. There are great restaurants, shops, and places to visit. There are events and music and arts and culture. Take advantage of the world outside your door. It’s amazing.
There’s no age limit on a little mischief.
Life is hard. Days are long. There is nothing wrong with breaking it up with a little mischief. Some of my favorite days were when we created fun games to pass the time or pulled pranks purely for the fun of it. Ask the new girl to empty the hot water that is piped into the plumbing. Create a game like capture the flag or how many times can you say “meow” before a customer notices. “Are you ready to order meow?”
When given the choice, make memories.
Our days in the restaurant were long but our time on Earth is short. Find joy where you can. If it’s not where you looked, create some. Laugh hard. Take your job seriously and take pride in your work ethic but, in the end, it’s a job. Waitressing and these women taught me that there is a time and a place for everything. Aside from an occasional nightmare where you forget someone’s extra dressing, your job ends when the day is over. Although I’d love to be remembered for what a great waitress, teacher, writer, or administrator I was, I would much rather be memorialized as a great person, mentor, friend, partner, or mother. These women taught me that it is possible to be all of the above — if you are organized.
