Everything I Know About Babies I Learned from My Pet Goat

Kind of…

It’s four in the morning and an angry, hungry bleating has awoken me from slumber.

I look at the clock and realize that yes, it’s that time.

I get up, blearily mix up some formula, put it in a clean bottle with a fresh nipple, make sure it’s the correct temperature, then head toward the sound of wailing hunger.

I open the barn door and shove a bottle into a baby goat’s mouth.

Some thirty-eight years later it’s “déjà vu all over again” (as the late-great Yogi Berra might have said).

A hungry bleating. Mixing formula. Four in the morning.

Yeah, I’ve been here before. Just replace an animal’s stall with a baby’s crib.

Don’t think that this is a complaint. As a confessed morning person, I’m often up early, and I kind of enjoy these little morning rituals.

Like caring for our pet goat Peggy those many years ago, there’s a warm, satisfying feeling in feeding a baby animal — including these odd little things called baby humans. Plaintive noises cease. I witness the sense of satisfaction on the little creature’s face.

As I’m feeding baby Jack, I reflect and realize there are a few other parallels in caring for an infant and caring for a baby goat.

All that poop, for instance.

My god, the poop!

We wanted Peggy (the goat) to be kept in a clean stall, so we frequently took to shoveling out disturbingly large piles of pellet-shaped goat poop. We disposed of urine-soaked straw and laid out fresh bales. It was messy, smelly work — not too dissimilar from changing a series of diapers. How quickly it all piles up.

How important it is to stay on top of it all.

Also, baby goats need company. You can’t just leave them in a stall and ignore them all day. Often, we’d sit in the barn with a book and a radio as we kept Peggy company. Other times we‘d harness her and let her get some exercise in the yard. If we had a family trip planned, that also meant arranging for someone to take care of Peggy while we were gone.

A pet goat is both a joy and a commitment. Sound familiar?

All of this has a certain similarity to caring for a newborn. Early morning feeding, mixing formula, changing diapers with alarming frequency, contact time, having certain limits in scheduling…

… and some kicking — another similarity babies can have with goats.

So a considerable amount of what I know about caring for a newborn I learned from our pet goat.

Mostly.

We also learned some things from the dog

It may be a bit of a cliche, but owning a dog isn’t a bad way to prepare oneself for having a baby in the house. While many of the things I learned from the goat could also be applied to the dog, having a dog also impressed upon us further considerations — such as being away from home.

If my wife and I were going out for an event or chores, we knew we couldn’t be away for more than five or six hours at most because… dog. Max (the dog) would need to go out, or be fed, or just be reassured that we hadn’t abandoned him.

I’m not saying we treat our new son the same way and leave the house for five or six hours with him home alone. Good god, no.

What is this, 1970?

But we do have to take the boy into consideration when going anywhere.

Do we have enough diapers and wipes? Is there a clean blanket in the car? Are we going someplace that is stroller-accessible and has suitable places for either diaper changes or nursing? Is it an overnight stay? Did we pack the portable rocker? More clothes?

More diapers? More wipes? Maybe some emergency formula and bottles?

How about those diapers and wipes?

Do we have enough of those?

Leaving the house was no longer the casual affair it once was. Now it takes planning and preparation. Neither of us are complaining. It’s fun to take the boy places.

Once we got the details worked out, taking both the dog and his boy out to places together is a blast. All we really need to round out the experience is a goat.

For new parents, there are a lot of alien experiences at first. In my case, things like new routines and added responsibilities ended up not being entirely alien at all.

Our pet goat, some thirty-eight years ago, prepared me for this.

She was a good girl.

Cheers!