Everyone Needs a Life Metaphor

Because life is more than a box of chocolates

Forrest Gump’s momma tried to simplify his understanding of life by telling him, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”

Chocolate? Yes, please! I’ll bite… Into this delicious description of life.

Choices? I’ll take the dark chocolate caramel. Wait… Why does this taste like fake raspberry fluff?

Should I choose another chocolate or get out of this box completely?

While this short, sweet and sensory triggering concept reminds us we should always expect the unexpected, we know life isn’t quite that simple.

A box of chocolates limits us to its cardboard walls, and aren’t we continually reminded to get out of our boxes?

Maybe a walk in nature would help? That seems simple enough — as long as it's bug-free, not muddy and can be done in less than fifteen minutes.

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” — Confucius

We complicate life by trying to control its simple cycles and seasons.

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” –Lao Tzu

It would be ridiculous for a tree to stop its leaves from changing from green to red to brown before dropping. And yet that is exactly what we try to do as life’s changes come at us at an ever-faster rate.

Then we further complicate our lives by resisting those changes. We dig into the place we stand, refusing to let go of the existing circumstances, whether positive or negative. We hold tight to the familiar.

“There is so much to learn from leaves who graciously dance in thunder, rain and storm, in heat and merciless cold, dance to a song of their own, indifferent that in time they will curl and die for it is not for them to know but only to dance and be happy.”–Meenakshi Iyer

Our rigid resistance prevents us from freely moving through life’s dance.

While many changes offer positive results, we rarely have the time or space to recognize disruption as an opportunity. The speed and intensity at which changes come at us can feel like we are a meteorologist trying to deliver a live weather report during a tropical storm. We are barely staying upright against the pelting rain of change driving into our faces.

There is a simple tool to help you celebrate life’s seasons and weather life’s storms — the metaphor.

However, not just any metaphor will do. It needs to reasonably reflect the challenges and charms of creating your life.

Do you have one? Do you have a simple concept to lean into when life becomes overwhelming, when you feel stuck, or when you get lost in one of life’s many transitions?

“Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space.” — Orson Scott Card

The Metaphor’s Power

The purpose behind a metaphor is to compare an unfamiliar, complicated situation to a universal and simple concept.

This comparison of life to a road trip or a garden allows you to step inside a safe and meaningful universe where you can explore ideas outside the constraints of your familiar patterns.

A metaphor also allows you to expand your understanding and empathy for the human experience. Using a well-known concept — a garden, an ocean, or a box of chocolates — can help you make sense of life’s endless cycle of changes, like the rough and smooth patches, or the bittersweet sufferings and celebrations.

Metaphors remind us we are not alone on our journey; we are part of the universal story of human existence.

When I mentioned “weathering life’s storms,” did you immediately think of rain, wind, and maybe even lightning? Depending on your current life situation, you may have felt a twinge of pain knowing all too well the current storm you face every morning. Or maybe you recalled your most recent storm: a job loss, a death, a rejection.

Using only a few words, you can relate to the challenges of someone else’s life. Our situations are unique, but the emotions and energy involved in walking life’s sometimes rocky road can quickly connect us to a deeper understanding. A metaphor opens doors to compassion and empathy despite differences in our past or current circumstances.

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” — Charles Dickens

You Need a Life Metaphor

A life metaphor can give you a new perspective on your problems. It can be a source of encouragement, motivation, and gratitude. It can also provide a shortcut for communicating with others about your struggles.

Most storytellers understand the power of metaphors. The Hero’s Journey, a common story structure shared by global cultures, uses the metaphor of adventure to take the main character on a transformative path. The characters (and the reader) venture into unknown places through physical, mental and emotional explorations. Together they face hills and valleys: conflicts, obstacles, setbacks, rewards, trials, dark nights of the soul and, ultimately, transformations.

Sounds like your life, right?

Metaphors are a big part of why we love art, poetry, novels and movies. Each work takes us out of our own life story and presents us with the challenge of understanding another’s perspective. The medium of choice could be oils and canvas, marble and space, lyrics and notes, or characters and words. The arts invite you to exit your life, stage left, and enter the metaphorical life of another.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” — William Shakespeare

We’ve all experienced that revelation when we discover a surprising connection to an unexpected source. It happens when we listen to the lyrics or melody of a song, watch a play or a movie, or read a novel or a poem. A stranger’s words align with the emotions of our own life story and bring a new perspective. That is the power of a life metaphor.

A life metaphor brings clarity to our daily routines outside the pages of a novel or scenes in a movie. It can become like a favorite story we return to for reminders of who we are. The life lessons embedded in the metaphor can help move us forward.

When you search for light in your personal dark skies, you don’t have to wait for the right metaphor to show up as the North Star. Instead, you can turn to your life metaphor. By placing your challenges within the boundaries of your personal life metaphor, you can more easily shift your focus and see the issues in a new light.

“Fix your course on a star and you’ll navigate any storm.” — Leonardo da Vinci

The Daily Power of Metaphors

Finding the right life metaphor to simplify and bring clarity to your daily experiences takes awareness and experimentation. You may need to step back from them to find the patterns and connections with your situation. But because they can powerfully affect your perspective, both positively and negatively, it’s worth giving thought to what works and doesn’t work within the metaphor.

It’s also important to consider the helpfulness of a metaphor based on the situation you are facing and your personal connection to the metaphor:

Experience:

Does the metaphor offer a deeper connection because you’ve lived it?

• You may connect to an ocean metaphor because you’ve lived on or near the sea itself. You can easily relate to currents and riptides, high and low tides, and the hidden creatures that may threaten or inspire you.
• You know firsthand the destructive power of a wave crashing over your sandcastle, but you also have seen the delicate treasures that same wave gently gifts the sands at your feet.

Aspirations:

Does the metaphor connect with your aspirations?

• Perhaps you have an unspoken dream to climb a 14,000-foot mountain in Colorado or walk one of Spain’s Camino de Santiago routes.
• The metaphor of a mountain climb might inspire you to further your education, improve your job situation, climb over or go around obstacles, take in the view on the way to the top, and persist through the disappointment of a false summit.
• The long isolation of your personal journey may more closely relate to the smooth and unpaved trail through the Spanish hills. Not because you’ve already been there, but because you imagine its challenges. You can practice the same perseverance needed to hike over 500 km by walking the similarly long and hard path toward a difficult decision.

Appreciation:

Does the metaphor speak to your appreciation of the discipline and focus required to pursue a goal?

• Imagine your friend shares her Ironman training includes preparing for a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride, and a 26.2-mile run. You may have no desire to take part in an Ironman race, but when you place your goal of a 4-mile daily walk into the metaphor of a triathlon, suddenly inspiration drives you to complete your daily walk. You can not only be there to cheer on your friend in her race, but you have a greater understanding of meeting challenging goals.
• You may never use a needle and thread to create your own bedding, but after examining a quilt made of thousands of perfectly aligned pieces that create a geometric design so intricate you have to touch it to believe it is fabric and not paint…the quilt metaphor prompts you to pursue your dream again, but this time with an eye for precision and the joyful anticipation of creating something worthy of your time and effort.

Metaphor Missteps

Not all metaphors create a positive outcome. It’s also possible the same metaphor could be both positive and negative for the same person at different times.

A Battle

This popular life metaphor is used to inspire strength, endurance, and a fighting spirit. In some contexts, like physical challenges, it can be very helpful. But as a life metaphor, it has its downsides. If a battle represents your life, you are constantly winning or losing. It can turn life into an unending fight where you can never relax or let your guard down. It can create a need to always be right, because “death” is on the line. If we take this too far, insignificant tasks overwhelm us and we lose sight of the bigger plan…peace and community.

“Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.” — Ezra Taft Benson

A Race

This can be a positive metaphor when you look at yourself as the competition. Asking yourself, “Did I do my best today?” or “Am I a better person than I was yesterday?” can motivate impactful actions. More often than not, this metaphor becomes a competition with others. You become part of the “Rat Race” and stay so busy that you never stop running. You are constantly looking for shortcuts and risk prioritizing the win over who you are as a runner.

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin

When long-distance runner Ivan Fernandez Anaya was about to finish a cross-country race, he noticed the race leader, Abel Mutai, slowing down as he approached the finish line. Mutai thought he’d already crossed the finish line and won. Anaya realized the leader’s mistake. He could’ve easily run past the confused leader and won the race. Instead, he slowed his pace and directed Mutai to the finish line.

In an instant, Anaya showed how his life's metaphor of racing went well beyond any single race. Life isn’t about winning or losing any one event. It’s about winning the day and you are your greatest competition. Keep this metaphor’s message front and center and you will win the day.

“Life isn’t a race. It’s a relay.” — Dick Gregory

Pencils and Onions

Some metaphors are simply too small to be metaphors for life.

Single-focus metaphors can be as helpful as a book summary or a motivational quote: they have a point and sometime evoke an emotional response. But it’s important to recognize both their strengths and their limitations.

Pencils are a suitable metaphor for simplifying our understanding of people — both need sharpening; are strong, but can break under pressure; can make a mark, but can also erase mistakes. It doesn’t take long to see how the pencil metaphor comes up a little short on its marks for drawing a comparison to life.

“Pencil in your plans but write your visions in ink.” — Andy Stanley

We can stretch the onion metaphor beyond peeling back the layers of people to discover new depths. The onion comparison can help us find new meaning behind existing layers of life. You might shed a tear along the way, but sometimes it’s okay to cry for no apparent reason. You simply need to get a few layers deeper with yourself to find the reason. People are not meant to live in one layer.

“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.” — Erma Bombeck

Time-tested Life Metaphors

There is a reason stories rely on metaphors. Life is complicated, and metaphors offer a shortcut to understanding.

A Garden

From the moment you understand the basic biology behind plants, you have a comprehensive life metaphor. From understanding that success in the garden begins with the soil, to choosing the right seeds to plant during the right seasons, to recognizing the need for the soil to rest — the garden offers endless examples for simplifying our complicated lives.

Perhaps you need to add water or nutrients (learning or creative projects) to your life to feel fulfilled? Maybe it’s time to prune the vines that are not producing fruit (joy, confidence, honesty) or maybe you need to reduce the sprouts by half so the remaining plants have the space and nutrients to grow?

And what about the weeds… People or activities that drain you of energy and overshadow the plants (projects) you are trying to grow?

“I grow plants for many reasons: to please my soul, to challenge the elements or to challenge my patience, for novelty, or for nostalgia, but mostly for the joy of seeing them grow.” — David Hobson

A House

Consider yourself the architect of your home. You need to find the right location, understand the soil, and determine what will be your foundation. Designing the blueprint requires thousands of decisions.

You will need help.

You can’t be an expert in every aspect of designing your house. Let me repeat…you will need help.

Ask for help.

Because dreaming of a house and creating the detailed and inspiring blueprint won’t get you the house. You will need to be the builder, the general contractor and the homeowner — an endless number of roles to play in order to turn your blueprint into a home and then maintain it.

The challenges will appear as tired muscles, delays, financial overruns, and emotional exhaustion. But one day you step back and see walls and a roof. Flipping the switch for the porch light and seeing it works will light you from the inside.

“You can’t build a great building on a weak foundation.” — Gordon B. Hinckley

A Classroom, A Story, An Adventure

Your personal experiences, aspirations, or appreciations might lead you to using the classroom, storytelling, or world travels as your life metaphor.

The key is finding the one (s) that fit your life. Do you see yourself as a lifelong learner and the world is your classroom? Do you want to write a novel and now you’re ready to start your life chapter starring yourself as a writer? Do you have places your heart wants to go and now you need a roadmap, one with room for planned and unplanned adventures?

“Some journeys take us far from home. Some adventures lead us to our destiny.” C. S. Lewis

The Perfect Life Metaphor

The perfect life metaphor is the one that cuts through the BS we are so good at telling ourselves. It peels away the masks and the roles, allowing us to share our unmasked truth with the world.

However, a life metaphor that works for you today may not work for you tomorrow or in three years. Checking in with the stories you attach to the metaphor is important to ensure it is still offering the new perspectives, motivation and opportunities for growth that it originally provided.

“Everything has seasons, and we have to recognize when something’s time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.” — Henry Cloud

Everyone Needs a Life Metaphor

The garden is my go-to metaphor.

From a young age, I pulled weeds (hated it) in my parents’ gardens. Now I get a perverse sense of satisfaction from pulling weeds. The physical challenge of getting the entire weed out(down to the root) goes beyond freeing up space for my plants to flourish. It reminds me to remove my negative thoughts (including the root) so I can free up space for my inspiring thoughts to grow and bloom.

Planting seeds is my favorite metaphor for experimentation, perseverance and patience — it all starts with the soil(soul).

Weather keeps me humble and reminds me to expect the unexpected. I curse the hailstorms and celebrate the harvests. I’ve learned to dance in the rain and appreciate the life lessons found within a drought. I not only find joy in the daily changes during the growing seasons but also in the anticipation and planning within the seasons of rest.

Everyone needs a Life Metaphor…are you ready to plant the seeds and find yours?

Next Steps on Your Journey

• Create a list of life metaphors using your life experiences, aspirations and appreciations. Explore metaphors that are deep enough to capture life’s complexities.
• Narrow the list to the top one or two that connect to you today.
• Create a list of challenges/obstacles you are facing today.
• Give yourself 10–15 minutes of uninterrupted time to consider 2–3 challenges using one of your life metaphors.
• Consider what new perspectives or solutions the metaphor might offer. No need to fix or solve anything at this moment. Let the ideas germinate and revisit this process over the next few days.

Congratulations! You’ve taken the next step towards using a metaphor for life.

But remember, as easily as we can compare life to a metaphor, we do not restrict life to the boundaries of the metaphor. It’s even okay to eat a piece of chocolate in the garden.

“If you don’t like how things are, change it. You are not a tree.” –Jim Rohn

If you’re interested in learning more about using metaphors to explore your challenges and transform them into creating a life you love, download my free guide: 10 Tips to Finally Do What Matters.