Everyone Must One Day Stand On Their Own Two Feet

Helping others too much hurts you and them

There is something in human nature that makes us want to help others. If we see a stranger fall, we immediately rush over to help them.

Little children would bring home a lost kitten or puppy, and want to keep it, to love and care for it.

All of us want to help those who are in need, especially our families, friends, and acquaintances.

We help strangers when we give to charities.

Is it possible for us to help too much?

Everyone has to learn to stand on their own two feet at some point. If you keep helping someone who makes no effort to help himself, you are hurting yourself and him.

You hurt yourself because it becomes a burden to you, and you hurt him because you deprive him of the joy and pride of accomplishment.

Sometimes tough action needs to be taken to push someone to help himself.

Here are a few ways in which we hurt ourselves and others by helping too much.

• An adult child living with their parents

In most jurisdictions, a person is regarded as an adult on their eighteenth birthday. An eighteen-year-old should either be in school or have a job. If they refuse to do either, they should be pushed out to be on their own.

While pushing out adult children might sound cruel, it will teach them valuable life lessons and skills, and probably force them to do something constructive with their lives. The school of hard knocks often does wonders in these situations.

The alternative is to have them live at home and become financial burdens on their aging parents and society.

I know of a few cases where adults are living with their parents. These adults are employed but don’t want the responsibility of being on their own. Furthermore, the parents’ homes are very comfortable, so why leave?

What will these adults do when their Moms and Dads are no longer around? How will they cope?

Parents who permit their adult children to live at home without very good reasons, are not doing their children any favors. On the contrary, they are hurting them because they haven’t taught them how to stand on their own two feet.

RelativesD

You will be very popular with some of your relatives if you are doing well financially. They will come to borrow money and ask for other assistance, and they will expect you to deliver.

They will make you feel so guilty for being successful that you will fork over the money they want.

Most of the time the loans are not repaid, and they will come to expect the gifts of money anytime they ask.

If you were able to work and become successful, why can’t your relatives? Doling out money to them takes away their initiative to do something constructive for themselves, and depletes your funds.

The simplest way to deal with this is to inform your relatives that you will no longer be loaning them money or giving them gifts of money.

It’s simple but not easy. But it must be done to protect yourself, and you have a duty and responsibility to protect yourself.

I lent money to relatives. They repaid the loans.

Friends and acquaintances

Some of your friends and acquaintances will ask for loans and other forms of assistance.

A very long time ago an older friend who earned more than I did, asked me to lend them five hundred dollars. That’s thousands of dollars in today’s money.

He was broke because the first place he visited on payday was his favorite bar. He was in a tight spot and had no one to turn to. I lent him the money. He did not repay the loan.

An acquaintance that had trouble holding down a job would show up at my place of employment and ask me for money. He was a petty criminal and was trying to turn his life around. I felt sorry for him.

Having him show up unexpectedly to ask for money became too much for me to handle. This ended when he showed up one day and I told him I didn’t have any money on me. He never returned, and I never saw him again.

My wife and I were asked to care for an acquaintance’s young daughter.

This happened a long time ago when our children were young. The request was made by a telephone call from a family member. The acquaintance and the family member were friends and lived in another city. I was stunned and said I would think about it.

We had not seen or spoken with the acquaintance for many years, didn’t know she had married, had a daughter, and then separated.

I discussed it with my wife and we agreed that we couldn’t do it.

To say the least, it was an outrageous request.

A recent example of a grown man who wants his parents to help him forever

Faiz Siddiqui is an unemployed lawyer and graduate of Oxford University and wants his parents to support him financially for the rest of his life. He is 41 years old and is suing his parents. Here is the link to the story.

Everyone has received help from others in life. We have been helped by family, friends, and strangers. I have. We cannot and do not live for ourselves alone.

However, we have to know when our help is doing more harm than good. Everyone has to stand on their own two feet. Don’t be a crutch.

Know when it’s time to end your kindness and generosity, for the benefit of all concerned.

This article was inspired by a comment left on one of my articles by my friend Olivia Marlene. Thank you, Olivia.