Everybody Dies, but Not Everyone Has Lived

To live better, ask better questions

What is life about?

There is no correct answer to the question, therefore most people don’t even dare to ask it. Most people are busy making a living, rather than designing a life. Few people dare to find out what living means to them.

“He who asks questions cannot avoid answers.” — Cameroon Proverb

After asking myself this question, I found a few answers that ring true to me. First of all the goal of the “real-life” should be the experience of the biggest range of emotions possible. After all, emotions are what make us human. Then, living is exploring — not only new places but other people, cultures, viewpoints, and especially exploring oneself. This way we can get through the layers of our socialization so that we can discover what is truly meaningful to us and what makes us happy. That’s a direct result of asking better questions. Moreover, by experiencing emotions and exploring, you will inevitably grow. Growth, in mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional dimensions, is an important part of my life as well. What is life about for you?

What constitutes a life well-lived?

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

— Henry David Thoreau

If you ask Thoreau, he says the value we attach to possessions and status is misplaced causing people to live unfulfilled lives. In the modern marketing-driven world, if we feel a void in our lives, we often attempt to fill it with things like money, possessions, and accolades. We think these things will make us happy and fulfilled. When they don’t, we seek more of them.

But is this what the good life is all about? Making money, spending money, then going back to making more money to spend more money?

I, for one, believe that using your character strength in your work is fundamental to the good life. My biggest strengths are love for learning and zest. I put them to use by reading, discussing, and exploring new ideas and topics. (Well, and by enjoying life to the fullest.) Looking back, I had many jobs that didn’t work well with my strengths (and values), making me frustrated and unhappy. Things changed once I chose to live more and to explore myself.

The second part of living a life well-lived is contribution. That means using your character strength to help others — you might even call it self-transcendence. If you are a good communicator, use that to write or talk to people you meet to help them. To me, there is nothing more meaningful than that. I always try to remember that growing up in a middle-class family in Germany makes me very privileged. That privilege translates into the responsibility to do the right thing, such as leaving your ego behind and contributing to something greater than yourself.

That brings me to the third layer of a life well-lived: gratitude and humbleness. I met so many people walking with their noses in the sky, telling everyone how awesome they are by bragging about what they possess and what they accomplished.

I feel sorry for them.

Because when you base your self-worth on externals, you will never be pleased and fulfilled. If you do things because that’s what society has told you, you will feel empty in the long run. If, however, you decide on being grateful for what you already have, for the richness of life you can experience because you are lucky to be healthy, have a roof, and enough food, you will automatically be happier and humbler. You get what you focus on.

What hinders us from living a live well-lived?

One of the most significant factors at play are the expectations of others. It’s in our genes. When we were hunters and gatherers and lived in tribes, it was essential to have a social standing and be accepted by the group. Otherwise, we would die. Lucky for us, things have changed. We can choose for ourselves, and if that means being questioned or being looked at weirdly: f**k them. If your goal is to really live and to live well, drop the urge to live according to others, and start living for yourself.

The comfort and security of a decent 9-to-5 job is something you get used to very fast. And, for some, it might just be the right thing. But for many, it isn’t. I know so many people that complain about their job all the time, and my advice is always: if you are unhappy, make a change. But most of the time, the pain of working the job is not big enough, and the expected rewards for leaving are not sufficient to spark motivation.

I get it. It’s safe and all, but for how long?

By 2030, 50% of jobs will be eradicated, and 30% will completely change their shape. The skill of the 21st century will be flexibility and adaptability, mostly in the form of learning and reinventing oneself. You better start now because the price of the security will be insecurity in the long-run.

But to be fair, all of this creates fear. The natural fear of the unknown — of “what will happen when I quit that job?”. Maybe even the fear of the answers when asking difficult questions like: “Am I living a fulfilled life? If not, what needs to happen for me to feel happy?” The thing about fear, though, is that it’s often unfound. It’s a mental creation to save us from things that “might” happen. It’s frequently irrational. That’s why I like the technique of Tim Ferris called “fear setting”. It forces you to sit down and reflect on what your mind is telling you to fear, to plan for the unknown, and to see what would be the risk of NOT taking one action. Most of the time, it shows that you are irrational, and this realization releases part of that fear.

If you want to be part of the people who die, but have lived their lives intensively, go on and start asking better questions.

What does living a good life mean to you? Are you happy? What do you want to change? What decision can you take now that will shape your future positively?

Questions you can not answer right away are usually far better than answers you can not question.

Questions will help you to conquer the hindrances to a good life, such as expectations of others, comfort, and fear. Questions will help you to feel, explore, and to grow.

Questions will help you find what is meaningful for you.

Happy living!

Live is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

— Helen Keller