Summary

The article discusses the historical and modern expectations of women in managing household duties alongside their professional lives, contrasting the traditional role of a stay-at-home wife with the contemporary reality where most women also work outside the home.

Abstract

The text reflects on the idealized image of a past era where women were expected to maintain a perfect home for their husbands, a role that has not translated into the modern workforce where women are now expected to balance full-time jobs with domestic responsibilities. It highlights the impracticality of a single person handling the workload of two roles without support, leading to a variety of compromises in family life, such as increased reliance on convenience foods, a messier home environment, or the decision not to have children. The article suggests that the traditional role of a wife, while undervalued and not contributing to the GDP, was crucial in allowing men to focus on their careers. It also points out the double standard in societal expectations of men and women, the economic challenges faced by single parents, and the lack of respect and support for women who choose to stay at home to raise children. The author concludes by questioning the fairness of the current societal arrangement for women, who are increasingly rejecting the outdated "deal" of having to "do it all."

Opinions

The cultural ideal of a past generation presented women as responsible for creating a comfortable home environment for their husbands, a standard that is unrealistic in today's dual-income households.
Modern conveniences have alleviated some of the physical burdens of housework but cannot compensate for the time and energy required to manage a home and family while also maintaining a full-time job.
There is a societal expectation for women to excel in both their careers and domestic roles, often leading to burnout and dissatisfaction.
The concept of "hiring a wife," or outsourcing domestic duties, is a privilege accessible primarily to affluent families, leaving many without adequate support.
The lack of appreciation for the traditional role of a stay-at-home wife is indicative of broader systemic issues that undervalue unpaid domestic labor.
The author expresses a personal positive experience of staying at home with children but also acknowledges the long-term economic consequences, particularly for women.
The article criticizes the changing societal "deal" for women, which now expects them to juggle careers and family life without providing adequate support or respect for those who choose to prioritize family.
There is a growing recognition among women that the current expectations are unreasonable, leading to a rejection of the traditional roles and a push for more equitable arrangements.

Feminism

Every Woman Needs a Wife

Especially straight women

Can you imagine how amazing a married man’s life was a couple of generations ago?

Sure, he had to go off to work every day, but when that man got home, he was treated like a king. Girls were taught — yes, at school! — how to make a nice home for their man to come home to. They were advised to have a delicious dinner ready, to take a moment to arrange their hair and put on lipstick. The children were to be cleaned up and presentable.

Imagine coming home and having your house clean, dinner all ready for you, and for someone to listen to the difficulties of your day.

Obviously, not every household ran like that.

But that was presented as the cultural ideal and that’s what most families aimed for.

Then women went to work, but being a working wife meant something very different from being a working husband. Nobody was there to make sure she came home to a clean house and a good meal.

Women today are expected to do everything their grandfathers did and everything their grandmothers did.

That can’t be done.

Modern conveniences make it easier. Most people in your grandparents’ era (maybe your great-grandparents, if you’re under 30) did hard physical labor. Most workers now work at a desk or other non-physically-challenging jobs.

Housework is a lot less challenging, too, in many ways, thanks to washers, dryers, dishwashers, convenience foods, etc.

Still, nobody can handle the full-time work of two different people perfectly well for long periods. Something has to give. It’s going to be a messy house, lots of take-out, deciding not to have children — something.

Men are expected to do more household chores and more child care, but it’s almost universally agreed that they still do less than their wives. This leaves families overwhelmed.

The solution for some is to ‘hire a wife.’

Well, sort of. Families that can afford it may hire help to clean their house and nanny their children. They may often pay to have their meals delivered. Money can solve a lot of problems.

Unfortunately, not every family can afford a wife.

In many (most?) cases, it’s not affordable for one parent to stay home, nor is it possible to hire someone to do all the tasks an at-home partner would perform. Perhaps a family can afford to eat out or order take-out a few times a week. Perhaps everybody adjusts to more mess and clutter than they’d like.

‘Sorry for how messy my house is.’

How often have you heard a friend apologize for the state of her house? How often have you apologized for the state of your own?

I’ve never heard a man apologize. Have you?

“Excuse the mess. I’ve been so busy at work I haven’t had a chance to catch up,” said no man I’ve ever heard.

This is something only women feel guilty about, it seems.

The lack of a wife has consequences.

How many couples choose not to have children because they are already overwhelmed with the demands at work and home?

How many charities and fraternal organizations have lost membership because neither men nor women have extra time to get involved and better their communities?

How many families eat far too many pizzas and other unhealthy meals because everyone comes home from work exhausted and starving? (Is this why obesity rates are increasing?)

A wife did vital work.

Nobody properly appreciated her, because she did not bring home a paycheck. She got little respect. She made it possible for her husband to shine at work, because he was able to concentrate on his career. That was supposed to be enough for her.

She could pick up sick kids from school. She helped care for elderly relatives. She worked hard and gave up so much, only to be denigrated as someone who sat home watching soap operas and eating bonbons. None of her work was included in the nation’s GDP — one of the many sexist parts of our economic system.

In an ideal world — which we will never have — both men and women would make enough money to be able to afford for one of them to support the other and their children, if desired. And the partner who stayed home would be equally as respected.

Employers wouldn’t refuse to properly compensate a partner who returned to the workforce after a few years staying home. Women are afraid to take time off to care for children because they often are not welcomed back into the workforce — unlike men, who after serving in the military are celebrated for their service and welcomed back into the workforce.

I enjoyed staying home with my children.

That was a really happy time period for me. I believe the eight years I stayed home paid big dividends for my children’s well-being. I always felt good about the things I accomplished during that time period. However, economically, I’m still paying the price. Their father, my ex, is not. (My current husband is an exemplary person. Many men are. I’m not man-bashing here.)

Traditionally, women were offered a certain deal.

Ladies, you’ll marry and have children. You’ll run the household. In return you will always be supported. Your husband can’t ditch you later for someone younger without incurring societal disapproval, and even if he does, he’ll be required to support you for the rest of your life in the manner to which you have become accustomed.

And the women said, “Sure, sounds good.”

Then the deal changed.

Ladies, you’ll marry and have children. You’ll run the household. You will also need to have a job. Your husband may very well ditch you later for someone younger and nobody will blink, but hey, he’ll pay a bit in child support. It won’t be enough to live on, of course, so keep working on that career while also being a perfect mother.

And the women said, “I’m sure I can have it all. I’m marrying a nice guy.”

But then women starting look around and realizing they were not “having it all,” they were “doing it all.”

Now more women are saying, “Are you crazy? Why would I want a bullshit arrangement like that?”

Everyone could use a good wife. But more and more women are uninterested in being one.

About Michelle Teheux

I’m a copywriter, proofreader and editor in central Illinois. Find me on Twitter or LinkedIn.

Have you written a related piece? Or, can you recommend one? Please feel free to drop the headline and a link in a comment. Let’s add to the conversation!

Join Medium with my referral link - Michelle Teheux

Want to waste even more time on my brain droppings? Your membership fee directly supports Michelle Teheux and the…

michelleteheux.medium.com