Even Though Death Came, the Holidays Are Still Approaching

We must embrace this season

Introduction

The holiday season that is approaching is unprecedented. We must distance ourselves from the people and traditions that we have always held as dear. Many chairs around the family table are now empty because we lost so many loved ones this year. Somehow, we must find a way to prepare for the season and simply reach out and touch the joy that it brings. We must allow our touch to become a full and sincere embrace.

I have a heartwarming story that awakens the acceptance of the approaching holiday season during an especially sad times. My belief is that joy can be found.

Memories Bring Happiness

I thought that I started a new Thanksgiving tradition last year. That was my original plan. My home was decorated for Christmas and the caterer prepared a lot of delicious food. My home was filled with family members who enjoyed the holiday together. It was a great way to usher the spirit of Christmas into our home and family.

The plan that I had in my mind last year was to start having these family members and as many others as my home would hold at my house. Last year I thought that I would stop going to restaurants and the homes of families and friends on Thanksgiving because I would become the host.

Had I known what I know now, I would have sat next to my father, just to observe him a little closer. Had I known then what I know now, I would have listened to his stories more closely and listened to his hearty laugh more intently. Had I known then what I known now, Thanksgiving would have been much more than enjoying a meal together. Had I known then what I known now I would have held on to my reflections of that meal more tightly.

My father died within three months of Thanksgiving. Even though an adult child expects their parents to eventually pass away, no one is ever ready when death comes. I was not ready. However, I must be ready for my first Thanksgiving without my father.

I wrote the following story to honor the awesome man that he was.

As you read it, may you be filled with precious thoughts of loved ones that you lost and will miss during the holiday season.

Peace Mixed With Sorrow and Regret

My family and I were with my father when he took his final breath. We were with him when he opened his eyes and looked upward to the heavens as his spirit and soul were peacefully released from his ravaged body. I believe his angel ushered him to heaven at that very moment. The guiding and hardworking hand that was once powerful and huge to me immediately became as cold as ice as he was pronounced deceased. I miss my father and think of him every day.

The days following his passing were extremely difficult for the first few months. Still, some days are easier than the harder days. But somehow I make it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day.

It is the memory of the life that my father lived as a devoted and loving husband to my mother for 62 years, a loving and encouraging father to my sisters and I, and a very proud grandfather that enables me to anticipate the holiday season.

Still, I think about how the holidays will be without him. I can no longer fill his plate with holiday food until it over flows or get him another glass of punch as he often wanted. If I would have realized that last Christmas was to be his last I would have gladly pushed my way through the shopping crowds like he always wanted me to a few days before Christmas without grumbling. He always waited until it the last hours of shopping to ask me to buy my mother gifts from him for Christmas. If I would have know last year would be the last time doing so I would not have complained again. I griped every year of my adult life because that’s what he always asked me to do. If only I would have known. I would have shopped with enough patience that my recollection of my final shopping trip for him would have lasted the rest of my life.

There is sorrow as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach without my father. There are plenty of regrets, too. However, I have a lifetime of enjoyable memories. This is what will give me the peace of mind to embrace the season with contentment.

Conclusion

Many families have been impacted by tragedies throughout the current year. As they grieve the loss of their loved ones, they may also be consumed with regret.

I completely understand. I understand the hesitation associated with confronting the holiday season because my father passed away after a very brief illness on February 15, 2020. All the hoping and wishing for another conversation and another opportunity to spend time with him will not bring him back to this world. For me, I have peace knowing that he is with the Lord. For me, there is added serenity and joy because I was the only family member who spoke to him before we became unconscious. The final words that he spoke were directly to me when he said

“I love you too, Deb.”

While I miss him, his last words and all of the memories of him also brings me peace.

This candle is lit to honor the memory of my father. It is also lit for all the souls who passed away and will not be with their families this holiday season.

I offer a moment of literary silence to them.

May the emptiness you experience be filled with happy memories of your loved ones during this blessed holiday season and forevermore.

Here’s my golden ticket that helps me accomplish my mission.

Dr. Deborah M. Vereen is a retired Teacher and School Administrator. Her website is www.Drdeborahmvereen.com and her YouTube Channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS1DPhBeA29UlybU9jzDkdQ.