Summary

The article discusses the often unseen emotional toll and exhaustion experienced by individuals who are perceived as strong and supportive, emphasizing the importance of recognizing that everyone, regardless of their strength, needs support and understanding for their mental health.

Abstract

The personal essay delves into the reality that even those who are seen as pillars of strength and are consistently supportive of others can feel tired and overwhelmed. It highlights the societal expectation for certain individuals to always be the 'rock' for others, which can be emotionally draining and lead to feelings of isolation when these individuals need support themselves. The author reflects on personal experiences and conversations with a friend battling depression, noting the common misconception that strength equates to an absence of vulnerability. The essay serves as a reminder that mental health struggles can affect anyone, and it advocates for empathy and understanding towards those who are traditionally seen as strong, urging readers to acknowledge and address the emotional needs of such individuals.

Opinions

The author believes that while many people offer support, few genuinely follow through, often expecting the strong individuals to remain unwavering.
There is a perception that being strong means never showing sadness or discouragement, which is both unrealistic and unhealthy.
The expectation to always be supportive and strong can feel like an immense burden, and the author suggests that this pressure can lead to a crisis point for even the kindest and most resilient individuals.
The essay conveys that society tends to overlook the emotional weight carried by those who are consistently relied upon for support, and that a person's external positivity can mask internal struggles.
It is pointed out that people are often not prepared to accept that those who are strong can also have moments of weakness, which can lead to a lack of support when these individuals need it most.
The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing that everyone, including those who are typically strong, can experience mental health challenges and should not be stigmatized for seeking help or taking a break.

PERSONAL ESSAY | MENTAL HEALTH | LOVE AND STRENGTH

Even the Strongest People Get Tired Sometimes

Nobody can be a rock forever

Even a lion sleeps. Photo by Amar Yashlaha on Unsplash

I’ve discovered that, while many folks express the sentiment that they will be there for you, most won’t. People like to talk about themselves, by and large, and it’s tiresome if somebody else who is struggling hogs the limelight.

I was talking to a dear friend recently about her battle with depression. You would never guess that’s a battle she fights daily. She’s one of the most lovely people I know, and it made my heart hurt to hear her almost apologize for it, as if it were a character failing.

She, like me, is one of those people who are always a cheerleader for everyone else; the supportive one, offering a quick smile and comforting words. We’re viewed as strong, and we are.

I once heard my adult daughter tell someone that I was a ‘rock’. (I would have preferred that she said ‘I rock’, but that’s unlikely to happen, and a story for another day). “My mother is a rock. She never cries,” she said. And, although I’d never thought about it before, she’s right.

I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing, but whatever life experience taught me that lesson, I learned it well.

I don’t think people realize how hard that job is, the job to be the one everyone can turn to, the one who knows the answer to the problem, who is unfailingly there. To be the person who never voices a sad or discouraging word.

If you do, you’re no fun anymore. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

And yet we are surprised, shocked, when someone who is always so kind, so nice, so friendly; who seems to have every good thing going for them, decides they can’t do it anymore. And when that soul needs to take a mental health break, nobody ever looks at them quite the same way again.

So is it a mystery that some people can’t face that, and choose another way out?

If you’re the cleaner-upper, people tend to put a lot on your shoulders. Just because it looks easy doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.

I’m the one with all the answers, the one who knows how to make those obstacles go away, that you can tell anything.

I get the blues now and then, but I am not given to deep depression, the soul-eating, destructive kind, thank God. But it doesn’t mean I’m immune to feelings of sadness or overwhelm.

I don’t like martyrs and I’m not one of them. But you know what? Being unfailingly nice, being good, being far stronger than you should ever have to be can sometimes feel like a huge weight hung around someone’s neck.

It’s too much, and yet what is the alternative?

There are no classes in life for beginners; right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult. — Ranier Maria Rilke

I once attended a celebratory dinner for a young woman who worked in my former husband’s office. She had sustained severe head injuries when her car was struck by a train, and made a miraculous recovery. It had been a long and difficult road, made worse by the fact that she didn’t remember her husband. At all.

Her husband was a good man, ever thoughtful and kind — he had devoted himself to her recovery. I noticed him standing off by himself, and went over. He greeted me with his customary sweet smile, and I asked, “So how are you doing?”

This man, whom I barely knew, fell into my arms, sobbing.

I wonder sometimes if it’s not just too much work, too overwhelming, for someone to say how they really feel for once, and have to face the consequences of it.

Because things are expected of us, aren’t they? People expect us to behave a certain way, respond a certain way, to be someone they need us to be, regardless of its impact on us.

It’s not that everyone is selfish or unkind, although there’s more than enough of that to go around. It’s that if just for once, the kind, strong, fearless friend needs to be less than that, it upsets the way the world goes around. People don’t want to hear it.

And so you learn not to do that. That isn’t your role to play. Sensitive people know how to read the room.

We tend to take people for granted, especially the ones we value the most. Remember that even the person who loves you most in this world, who would die for you, gets tired sometimes.

Take time to pay attention and think about those you know, those you love. Look beyond the smile and see what pain might lie underneath it. Try to see the real person there. There was a time in the past where I was teetering on a dark and dangerous edge, and no one ever knew.

I’m the only one who realizes how very close I came.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate you. Be there for those who were there for you.