Yeah, no.

Statements that Don’t Make You a Screenwriter — Even If True

Dunning–Kruger goes to Hollywood

You are not a screenwriter if …

You have a great idea for a story.

You have a ton of ideas for stories.

You wrote a short story.

You won an essay contest in college or high school. (Screenplays are not about words.)

You know a ton of writers. (Actually, play your cards right, and you’re a producer.)

You just need to find a collaborator. You will totally pay them half of any proceeds from the project. (Writer? No? Conman? Yes.)

You went to film school, and you go to several industry parties. You even have agents who say they will read something you send.

You’re a film lover. It runs in your family. You’ve seen more films than any of your friends.

You live in Studio City and temp in Burbank or Culver City.

When you watch a movie, you can predict what will happen. One time you knew a line of dialogue before it was even spoken.

You took a screenwriting class in college and have read more than a dozen screenwriting books.

You used to watch movies with your dad. You have seen all the classics. Your taste runs more old-school … you’re not about these superhero franchise movies.

At your girlfriend’s best friend’s wedding, you sat at a table with a guy who got the one non-WGA assignment two years ago for the Punky Brewster reboot, and he totally laughed at your joke.

You feel you could write something so much better than ______.

You’re a director, and your Uncle Charlie wants to invest* $1,000,000 into your feature film.

* Set fire to

For more life-affirming deep insight into your soul: