Even Hard Truths Have A Sunny Side

How to find peace — despite three of them

Here are some hard personal truths that I have learned through life experience and would like to share with you.

1. Getting What You Want

Hard Truth: No matter who you are and no matter how hard you try, sometimes you won’t be able to get something you really want in your lifetime, (not referring to material things). You can be the most dedicated person on the block, but it still won’t cut it. The older you get, the clearer this becomes.

Sometimes the thing you want has to remain ‘something you want’ in your mind. That isn’t to say you shouldn’t try hard for something that’s difficult to attain, it just means that the world is not designed to satisfy anyone personally and that it’s always good to check how far along you are in a process, so you can see when it’s better to quit trying and stop feeling disappointed.

On The Sunny Side: Firstly, you can be glad, grateful and proud that you desired anything positive in the first place. This might sound strange but, (all Buddhism aside), the fact that you desire something and imagine it in your life, proves that you have passion, vision and hope in your soul, which are wonderful and powerful qualities, and some people can’t even get to this starting point — through no fault of their own.

Personal Qualities

If you already have passion, vision and hope; do everything you can to hold on to and reinforce these amazing qualities in yourself. This means a world of potential and opportunity is open to you. You can decide, whenever you like, to start something new, exciting or meaningful.

Whenever these three qualities play out together, we have better energy, curiosity, and courage. We also feel more alive. If all that isn’t ‘good fortune’, I don’t know what is.

Not Getting What You Want

Secondly, not getting what you want in life can sometimes turn out to be a blessing in the long run — so don’t be too quick to judge situations, as you really don’t know what the future holds for you (or anyone else) even if you are a very self-directed person.

The Unknown Future

Sometimes, the unknown but really favourable is just around the corner, but you can’t see it in advance, and this is why most people don’t consider it.

For example, you could meet a wonderful new friend/find your ideal place to live/meet the love of your life, etc, just by being outside in the world. However, you can’t get excited about it yet, because you don’t know what this wonderful thing is, or what it looks like - but that doesn’t mean it isn’t lining up, just for you!

2. Your Own Value

Hard Truth: You cannot make anybody value, like or love you — Ever. You can’t even make anyone respect you. A common example: When someone has a dreadful boss at work and, despite them being an exemplary employee with good manners etc, they are continually treated like dirt.

As horrible as all that sounds, once you really understand this or have experienced it, at least you know what you (and everybody else) may potentially come across in life and you can then deal with the reality.

On The Sunny Side: All of the above negatives have really nothing to do with you personally and are not actually about you.

How people react to you is of their own making and tells you only about them and how they are feeling at the time. Ultimately, their behaviour/reaction is their choice, whether they understand this or not.

Therefore, it’s best to let go of assumptions and choose not to be influenced or phased by other peoples’ reactions or responses.

Responsibility

We can still care how other people feel but, ultimately, we are not responsible for their thoughts or actions; their negative opinions should not worry or influence us and, strictly speaking, are none of our business either, so we can stop focusing on them.

Natural Love and Respect

On an even brighter note, we also cannot stop people respecting, liking or loving us (and other creatures) that they naturally do!

If you ever meet someone that thinks the sun shines out of you, no matter what you do or say, it is a wonderful thing to behold — and you never forget how special, lucky and privileged that feels.

3. Success and Prestige

Hard Truth: No amount of success, prestige, money or power will make you love or care for yourself more. Many people in the Western world try this route, including someone I knew very well who had every cultural, mental, physical and financial advantage. It’s simply a case of ‘barking up the wrong tree’ — often for the sake of appearances or impressing someone who couldn’t care less.

On The Sunny Side: Self-love is a wonderful inside job that can be hard work but is essential for a healthy spirit. Only you can do it for yourself but the benefit of self-love is that it lifts you up to appreciate your value and helps other people do the same. It is always life-enhancing but never selfish.

The Human Miracle

People may appreciate themselves more if they see themselves as a one-off human miracle with unknown potential — worthy of a meaningful existence; allowing themselves to learn and make mistakes without harsh self-judgment, or a need to feel perfect, righteous or ‘better than’ others.

Since humans are not perfectible, (and it would be deadly dull if they were), it is really up to your compassionate nature to realise that your body and soul is priceless, worth celebrating and caring for, and to see to it that your human light shines as bright and true for as long as possible.

Thanks for reading!

© America Zed. Other writing by America Zed.