Establishing Respect

Dads’ Survival Guide: Parenting

Respect.

Hard to come by. For Dads. And Moms. From our kids. A constant beef among parents. Myself included.

Feels like our kids aren’t listening. Obeying. Following direction. Doing what they’re told. Right away. Not when they want to. NOW.

Instead, they talk back. Complain. Moan and groan. “It’s not fair!” Point fingers. Blame others. Freak out. Throw hissy fits. Temper tantrums. Or worse, ignore us.

Nothing is more frustrating to Dads and Moms than being ignored. A complete and total lack of respect.

Some may say this is typical kid behavior. Particularly, as they get older. Testing boundaries. Establishing independence. Standard part of the maturing process.

Okay. That’s plausible. Except, the question is: Maturing into what?

Bad habits are hard to break. And Dads are on the hook to set it right. If we’re lax about fixing the respect issue now, are we leaving our kids on a harmful path for later?

Honor Your Parents

Honor your Mother and Father. One of the Ten Commandments. Issued by God.

Straightforward. No ambiguity. Clear as God could make it. Children, respect your parents. Period. Important to God. In the order of stealing, adultery, or murder.

Yet, inscribing this commandment on the stone tablets meant bratty tots plagued families in the days of Moses. Among God’s Chosen people.

Apparently, Dads have been struggling with rude, insolent offspring since the beginning of time. Good news. We’re not alone. Not the only Dads feeling frustrated. Like we’re screwing up. Failing. To raise our kids right. Phew.

Unfortunately, realizing we’re not the worst Dad in history doesn’t get us off the hook. Fostering courteous, civil youngsters is still on us.

So, what’s the plan?

Old School

Citing God’s commandments may have worked in the past. May have. But not today. To our kids, God is ‘Old School’. Ancient. Out of touch. So ‘Boomer’. Like us parents. Boomers. Regardless of when we were born.

Yet, there’s nothing Old School about respecting others. And the Boomers are right. One can’t get through life without common courtesy. Deference to authority. Politeness. Manners. Civility. Thinking of others before one’s self.

For the most part, Dads are on it. We’re clear with our kids about how they should act. Appropriate behavior around grandparents. Teachers and Principals. Neighbors. Coaches. Thanking folks. Paying attention when others speak. Looking adults in the eye. Answering suitably. Shaking hands.

And our little ones get it. They’ve learned a thing or two from Dear Ol’ Dad. The tykes can comport themselves properly. Act appropriately. When necessary.

So, if kids know how to be respectful in public, why don’t they behave so at home?

Smart-Alecs

Today’s world is full of bad examples. Movie and TV stars. Social media celebrities. Flouting authority. Deriding the establishment. As a means of expression. Exploring one’s identity. Being true to who we are.

Is this generation of kids getting spoiled by Tik Tok? YouTube? Video games?

Could be. Except that doesn’t explain why obnoxiousness has been an issue since the days of Moses. Or for that matter, our own boorish childhood behavior.

“Don’t be a Smart-Alec.” One of my mom’s favorite phrases. To her sardonic, impertinent eldest son. Yours truly. Who talked back. All the time. Acted disrespectfully. Ignominiously. To my parents. And the rest of my siblings.

Why’d I do that? Because from my perspective, it was no big deal. To me, it was fun. Funny. Sometimes, I was simply fed up. Frustrated. Infuriated. Tired. Or just too lazy to do the right thing.

More often than not, my behavior around the house — with my parents — centered around how I felt. At the time. And that seems to be the root of the issue.

“Children tend to see themselves at the center of their world,” wrote Dr. Meg Meeker in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.

Yep, self-centered. Self-oriented. The world revolving around one’s self. Our kids, obsessed with their own issues. How they see things. How they feel. Driving how they act.

Example to Follow

Are they lost kids? The consequence of bad parenting? By us dads?

Actually, no. Self-centered kids are the norm. Just like the rest of us. Self-centered people. Sure, we can all act respectfully. Courteously. When we want. But truth is, self-centeredness is the default human condition. For all of us. Humans. The Original Sin. Of mankind.

Which may explain why God inscribed a specific Commandment to honor our Mother and Father. A moral imperative. Because God knew, without clear, explicit expectations, children would not do so on their own.

And this is an example Dads can follow. Be clear. Explicit. Establish unequivocal expectations. In no uncertain terms. For our kids. About treating us parents. With respect. The words they use. The tone of voice. Their body language. No talking back. No screeching or screaming. Cursing. Sarcasm. Or derogatory language. Directed at parents.

It’s never too late for Dads to get kids on the right track.

Honor your Mother and Father. No exceptions. Period. With consequences. Severe consequences. That Dads will enforce. Like moratoriums on phones. Gaming. The end of sleepovers. Playdates. Dessert. Whatever privileges our kids covet. They’ll lose. If they don’t demonstrate respect for us parents.

Sounds harsh. Tyrannical. Despotic. And it is. Because respecting one’s parents is that important. A foundation for every child’s future.

And Dads know, being the bad guy today is something our kids will thank us for later. Part of loving our children well. A hard part. But a loving part, nonetheless.

Go, Dads. Go.