Espousing Your Personal Annoyance and Disagreement With A Writer In The Comment Section is Pointless

Which productive steps do you take when you disagree with an author?

Ever read something that instantly made you angry, upset, or stressed out in Medium? Have you ever felt that an article or story you read brought out the worst in you such that you needed to let the writer know just exactly how pissed off you felt?

Please don’t.

Just walk away.

Yep — in my humble opinion — walk away.

If your goal is to make sure the writer knows their article or story made you angry or upset, (no matter how kind, eloquent, or professional you think your comment will land)— I’ll argue that they won’t get it most of the time.

Wow — I’m feeling quite confident in my non-scientific, pulled-words-straight-out-of-the-air moment when I chose the word “most” (of the time)!

And yet — I’m sticking with it. I read an average of at least 20 stories a day on Medium. Doing the math, this amounts to over 500 articles in a month, easily.

You know what? I’ve yet to run into an academic dissertation where an author seeks to prove a theory or provide irrefutable evidence for some thesis statement. And last I checked — none of us is an expert on the lives of any author we read.

For the record, I am a huge fan of quite a few writers here on Medium —to the point where I have read every.single.one. of their stories. That is NO exaggeration. And guess what?

I still DO NOT know them perfectly well. In fact, I’m barely scratching the surface of learning to understand them.

There are layers/intricacies — the pretty and not-so-pretty — that would take years for me to fully understand who they are. When we read a writer’s story, we may get a glimpse into the corner of their soul.

Therefore — when you read ONE article of mine— you still do not know me entirely. Believe me, I would enjoy it if you actually knew me. I am honored that you would even grant me a few minutes of your day to listen to anything I have to say.

Likewise, when I read a story of your experience or thought process, I cannot embellish or add to what you shared and sum up who you are based on that one article.

Here’s what I do know.

Reading an article by a writer tells me how the writer felt at that moment with regard to that one issue. And you know what’s mad crazy about human connection??

We can STILL get it wrong. The intended message of the writer and the message you received as a reader can be unaligned. This is both a beautiful thing and a disaster.

So when you feel targeted, less than, or disturbed when you read a story — how about trying the following?

Stop reading. Do not entertain that which does you NO good. Unfollow the writer. Mute them for all I care. Or ask yourself why is it bothering you and deal with the self-discovery and self-healing path it may take you through.

Write about it!

Life is about choices — choosing to have a 3–6 paragraph discussion in the comment section to convince them that your hurt feelings mattered more than their intent — is pointless. Heck, one sentence berating them is equally fruitless. (Let me be clear: productive, non-confrontational, non-judgmental conversations are powerful. I’ve participated in those myself!)

Being completely transparent about your frustration with an author’s writing may well be an option if you have a relationship based on some trust and longevity with that writer. Once you’ve interacted with that writer a few times, there’s some foundation upon which to build a respectful conversation.

It is a far worse judgment call to lash out at a writer you have never interacted with. It’s perhaps both easier to criticize or defend with criticism against those we don’t know. This, however, doesn’t reflect a position of strength of persuasion to me.

Why not — walk away?

Spread peace, folks.

There are enough misunderstandings and conflicts in the real world — beyond the pages we read here on Medium. Let’s not add to the fire and spread aggravation with personal attacks and vents in the comment section.

Exercise control — stop reading. Click away.

Namaste.

I wrote this draft as a knee-jerk reaction to a comment I received a while ago as an outlet for feeling judged/attacked. I delayed my reply to the writer until I was in a better frame of mind, at which point, I thanked the writer for their comment and applauded their achievement. The writer thanked me and carried on — perhaps oblivious to the mark it left on me.

Their comment was a personal attack. It had nothing to do with my writing or the message of my writing: both of which are valid areas to be criticized critically and constructively. We are here to grow as writers.

In my early days here in Medium, I made a careless brief comment which which irritated the author who snapped right back at me. I immediately apologized for my poor communication skills — which also was neither acknowledged nor accepted.

Both experiences remind me — we cannot always mend disagreements or clear misunderstandings in the comment section. So what would be the point of creating a larger one by passing judgment through personal attacks? Perhaps the better, more challenging skill is — how do we state a cordial, simple disagreement without making it a personal attack?

📚Thank you for reading. How have you handled comments that you felt were taken out of context? Any personal attacks? I look forward to hearing your advice. Happy writing all!✍🏽