Escaping from the Big Baddies, When They Just Want to Love on You

An erotic/horror tale of alien abduction

The year is 2038. We were just brushing ourselves off from the pandemic when the Big Baddies landed.

They were mean. They were green. And they infiltrated everywhere. They were shapeshifters, so it was easy for them. Government. Entertainment. Friends, and friends of friends.

At first, no one noticed. Then the dreams turned to nightmares, and we all had them.

The day it happened

I was packing to save my life, shoving any pieces of clothes I could reach into my duffle bag, when my friend Barb ran into my apartment.

“Clear,” she breathed, not wanting to make any more noise than she had to, I assumed. I also assumed that she was the same person who had left to go check on the car moments ago. Those were both mistakes.

The aliens speak very softly. We all knew this, but when you’re not expecting infiltration, you can easily be taken by surprise.

“Barb,” I whispered, “get as much food as you can carry. Go!”

She ran lightly to the kitchen. I should have noticed the smaller steps, the sense of glee behind the feigned terror. But I did not.

She took the two boxes I had set out and started packing things from the freezer and fridge. What was she doing, I wondered. Those things would melt, or go bad.

“Psst,” I called over to her, reaching down to put the collar on Annie, my mutt. “Cans!”

She acted like she hadn’t heard me, still chipping away at the frozen dinners and jar of opened maraschino cherries.

Then they came at me

Just then, two of the Big Baddies came straight through the closed front door, like it was an opening to a tent, pushing back a flap on one side. They smiled at Barb, who flashed a brilliant orange, then turned into one of them.

“N’uncle,” they all started to chant. This was their word for human. They approached with outstretched arms and grasping, long fingers.

I whirled toward the bathroom in panic, tugging desperately on Annie’s leash. She was transfixed, growling slightly, showing her pointy teeth through her black lips. I’m ashamed to say, I let go of the leash and ran into the bathroom, where I locked the door and threw up into the toilet.

There was no escape. No windows I could fit through. I thought about trying to sever my arms and legs off, then smush my torso through, but my damned beer belly made that an impossible scenario. Not to mention physics.

I heard the sound of an energy weapon discharge in the other room. Annie yelped, and I smelled fried flesh. I heaved again, but my stomach was already empty.

“N’uncle,” they called, as I backed up into the shower.

One of them unzipped the door and pushed part of it back like it was made of canvas. The shortest one entered and ran at me. I screamed. It wrapped its sickeningly long arms around my waist.

“N’uncle, n’uncle, n’uncle,” it murmured, and the room went black.

My new forever home

When I awoke, I was in a dimly lit park.

Or at least, I thought I was. I couldn’t quite make out where the light was coming from. The sun was down and there was no moon, but the whole landscape seemed to glow slightly.

I felt something at my nether regions. I looked down and gasped. A small alien was playing with my undressed, buck-naked backside. I squealed as one of its large bulbous fingers probed into me.

I thought harshly back to what a joke it had seemed that so-called alien abductees had claimed they had been probed in such a fashion. Nerds. Trekkies! Liars! But no. They were right this whole time.

I began to cry, keening softly, wishing that this torture would be over.

More aliens, these quite tall, were drawn towards the noises I was making without my permission. Sniffling, groaning, exhaling, blubbering — they were… concerned?

“N’uncle,” they said together, as one held me to his chest and another tugged at my arms.

“Human! I’m a human, okay?” I screamed.

“N’uncle.” One with a deep voice that scared the ever-living bejeezus out of me said, “You are an uncle to us. We love you. We will keep you as a pet, and make sure you are well-tended.”

Just then, the small alien below chanced on the magic button, and my dick ejaculated. They clapped and danced.

This was going to be hell.

If you enjoyed this short, you might also like my longer sci-fi/horror piece:

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