Erotica Canadiana
What does Canadian erotica look like?
Sometimes I come up with unusual phrases or ideas and head to Google to find out what’s out there. There’s almost always something.
Tonight, I decided to Google Erotica Canadiana.
And it wasn’t nearly as exciting as I thought it’d be.
One of the hits was this link, which I thought had potential, but only consisted of a headline, tiny blurb, and a short, dull audio report:
Can you not do any better than that, Canada? Holding up gay and lesbian publications at the border is so unconstitutional. Let the LGBTQ+ folks have their porn!
And then there was this, which I both want to read and want to shake the person who named it Polite Erotica. As if Canadians don’t have enough of that politeness already! Even our erotica has to be polite?
Then I found this link. It’s very sad that even the the national regulating body for Canadian media wants more Canadian porn on Canadian porn channels:
The article above also mentions that the foreign content was less than 90% closed captioned. How do you caption “unh” and “oooooooh” without being redundant? And now I’m thankful I don’t have to caption porn.
How pathetic is it that even Canadian porn channels can’t supply Canadian porn?
Are Canadians that unsexy that we need to import our sexy times?
Come on! We’ve exported more than just maple syrup and comedians (you have to have a sense of humour to live in a cold climate!). We’ve grown all kinds of sexy people: Elisha Cuthbert, Ryan Gosling, Ellen Page, Ryan Reynolds, and inspired a whole Buzzeed listicle of sexiness:
How have none of these exports given us porn-spiration?
Yet Canada’s Most Famous Erotica Is About A Bear
I kid you not.
In 1976, Marian Engel’s book, Bear, won the Governor’s General Award, Canada’s most prestigious literary award.
It was about a woman and a bear gettin’ it on.
It’s actually about more than that. But because I’ve only read snippets of it, that’s all I know. I’ll let The National Post tell you more:
At least it proves that Canadians aren’t prudes, which is what was beginning to worry me after this foray into Googledom.
Finally, Something Sexy — Er, Kind Of
I poked around Google a bit more and found a link to The Apprenticeship of Duddy’s Privates: An Erotic Parody of Mordecai Richler’s The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz (not an affiliate link).
It doesn’t surprise me so much to find someone writing funny erotica. But it does surprise me to find it about Duddy Kravitz.
But then also doesn’t surprise me that the author only has this one book on amazon.ca. I’m still trying to imagine the person who’d write this, let alone the audience who’d read it. And let’s just say that Buzzfeed list above likely doesn’t apply.
There’s also apparently an out-of-print book of poetry out there called Erotica Canadiana, which I’d love to read if anyone has a copy!
And Now We Get To the Good Stuff
I knew I should have started on Goodreads and Amazon. At least there I could find the bare manchests and sexy covers I expected to find!
Although I do question the inclusion of Shag Carpet Action on the front page (the cover and title are not sexy at all), I do realize that it takes all kinds. We do have harsh winters. So if someone wants to get it on with a shag carpet (where do you even find a shag carpet in this century?), who am I to judge? I’m the one spending far too much time analyzing Erotica Canadiana.
No Bare-chested Lumberjacks But There Was One Surprise
I’ve lived in Canada my whole life and never seen a bare-chested lumberjack. Or even a clothed one, other than on TV. But I was still disappointed not to find any lumberjack erotica listed as Canadiana. I’m sure it exists, somewhere, but, for the purposes of this bizarre Google search, it wasn’t in the first four pages.
Now, on to the surprise, which, admittedly, came from a couple of years back, not this particular Google search. But it’s stayed with me all that time, probably because I’m kicking myself for not being the one to write it first.
I give you: a Weremoose shifter story (not an affiliate link)!
https://www.amazon.com/Taken-Weremoose-Stand-Paranormal-Romance-ebook/dp/B00TSVGE1G
It’s more CanCon than even I can handle!
The Lessons I’ve Learned From My Googling
- Don’t expect Google to spoon-feed you if your requests are strange. You may have to go to the wilds of page 3 or 4 to find anything good.
- Canadians need to step up their erotica game, pronto.
- I’m on a mission now to help with #2.
Once again, after tonight’s Google adventures, I’m reminded I need to make sure my bestie understands the extreme need to delete my browser history:
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