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the population of Cleveland, Ohio! Looking at the Big Picture, who’s going to miss that few people? After all, they’re breeding them faster than we can possibly kill them off.So, yeah. You lose two, three thousand warehouse workers this year. What’s that? We’ve cleared the field pretty nicely you have to admit. For every worker that we take out there are twenty others in line to take their place, protective gear be damned. Am I right?<h2 id="3dd5">Mostly good but let’s not kid ourselves here</h2>We realize you and the other billionaires are taking precautions, but we have to level with you. If we get the chance, we’re taking you out, too. It’s not personal. We’re a virus. We’re opportunistic AF and even if you are making the kinds of (asinine) decisions that result in massive growth opportunities for us, we’re still lingering on doorknobs and light switches in your office. Right now.Yeah, sure, go wash your hands and get some disinfectant wipes. We’ll wait.Now where were we? Oh, right. Precautions. Clue your buddies in to this and make sure they’re on board. Don’t bother with the stable genius in DC. He’ll ignore you no matter what.Oh? You have some questions? Shoot.Heh, we’re not going away. Did the flu go away after wiping out an estimated 50 million in 1918? Please. Jeff, er, Mister B, we’re here to stay. Sure we’re mutating all the time and, sadly, effective vaccines are being developed (it has to be said that we’re big fans of those anti-vaxxers, though). Another unfortunate fact of virus life is that we do tend to lose our virulence as we infect larger and larger percentages of the population. These are the realities on the ground. We’re not kidding oursel

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ves here.You shouldn’t either. I mean, come on, you didn’t get to where you are today by dodging unpalatable truths.The iron is hot, big guy, this is the time to be striking with all you got. Hire more people. Open bigger warehouses (have you seen the scale they operate on in China?) in more cities. Yes, keep them close to the cities. Better opportunities for spread, you see?Oh, we can’t tell you that. No, it’s not like it’s a secret or anything. We don’t even know all the ways we can get up to mischief once we’ve infected a body. We’re kind of flexing our muscles here. No really! We thought we were your basic respiratory bug back when we were starting to hit our stride in China. You can imagine our surprise and delight to discover we’re also perfectly capable of messing with circulatory, digestive, and neurological systems as well. Who knows what else we’re capable of!By all means, yes. Do keep up the drumbeat about restarting the economy! See what you can do to divert all monetary support away from workers now being contemplated by delusional politicians, too. After all, it’s in your best interest as well as ours that we get those couch potatoes and “writers” off their asses and back out onto the subways, into the offices, and certainly into the bars.Thanks for making time for this little chat today. It’s reassuring to have someone with your far-sightedness, focus, and lack of human decency in our corner. I predict that with the help of you and your obscenely wealthy buddies, we’re in for a really profitable haul here for the next couple of years.No need. We know the way out.© Remington Write 2020. All Rights Reserved.</article></body>

Erm, Mister Bezos? The Virus Here.

Can we talk?

Hey, Mister Bezos, how’s things? May we call you Jeff? No. Ok, no sweat.

We need to talk. Don’t look like that. It’s mostly good. For example, we deeply appreciate how you have neglected to supply so many of your workers with protective gear and for forcing them to work in unsafe conditions. Prime real estate for us and, you may have noticed, we are not shy about taking advantage of any situation.

You can relate, I’m sure.

We wanted to check in with you because we feel that you are representative of the current ruling class of the world today. Sure, that ridiculous third-grader in the Oval Office thinks he’s got the power (and we’re very encouraged by his utter lack of coherent thinking and decisive leadership), but you and Mark and Jack and, hell, even Elon and Bill know the score here. You’re running the show now and we have some suggestions.

Don’t let those lily-ass crybabies even think they can start dictating terms to you.

Let’s be frank about something, shall we? This is understandably off the record and we’ll deny it if ever asked, but we all know how expendable people really are. What are we talking at this point, anyway? Not even 400,000 deaths worldwide. Are these people kidding? That’s like the population of Cleveland, Ohio! Looking at the Big Picture, who’s going to miss that few people? After all, they’re breeding them faster than we can possibly kill them off.

So, yeah. You lose two, three thousand warehouse workers this year. What’s that? We’ve cleared the field pretty nicely you have to admit. For every worker that we take out there are twenty others in line to take their place, protective gear be damned. Am I right?

Mostly good but let’s not kid ourselves here

We realize you and the other billionaires are taking precautions, but we have to level with you. If we get the chance, we’re taking you out, too. It’s not personal. We’re a virus. We’re opportunistic AF and even if you are making the kinds of (asinine) decisions that result in massive growth opportunities for us, we’re still lingering on doorknobs and light switches in your office. Right now.

Yeah, sure, go wash your hands and get some disinfectant wipes. We’ll wait.

Now where were we? Oh, right. Precautions. Clue your buddies in to this and make sure they’re on board. Don’t bother with the stable genius in DC. He’ll ignore you no matter what.

Oh? You have some questions? Shoot.

Heh, we’re not going away. Did the flu go away after wiping out an estimated 50 million in 1918? Please. Jeff, er, Mister B, we’re here to stay. Sure we’re mutating all the time and, sadly, effective vaccines are being developed (it has to be said that we’re big fans of those anti-vaxxers, though). Another unfortunate fact of virus life is that we do tend to lose our virulence as we infect larger and larger percentages of the population. These are the realities on the ground. We’re not kidding ourselves here.

You shouldn’t either. I mean, come on, you didn’t get to where you are today by dodging unpalatable truths.

The iron is hot, big guy, this is the time to be striking with all you got. Hire more people. Open bigger warehouses (have you seen the scale they operate on in China?) in more cities. Yes, keep them close to the cities. Better opportunities for spread, you see?

Oh, we can’t tell you that. No, it’s not like it’s a secret or anything. We don’t even know all the ways we can get up to mischief once we’ve infected a body. We’re kind of flexing our muscles here. No really! We thought we were your basic respiratory bug back when we were starting to hit our stride in China. You can imagine our surprise and delight to discover we’re also perfectly capable of messing with circulatory, digestive, and neurological systems as well. Who knows what else we’re capable of!

By all means, yes. Do keep up the drumbeat about restarting the economy! See what you can do to divert all monetary support away from workers now being contemplated by delusional politicians, too. After all, it’s in your best interest as well as ours that we get those couch potatoes and “writers” off their asses and back out onto the subways, into the offices, and certainly into the bars.

Thanks for making time for this little chat today. It’s reassuring to have someone with your far-sightedness, focus, and lack of human decency in our corner. I predict that with the help of you and your obscenely wealthy buddies, we’re in for a really profitable haul here for the next couple of years.

No need. We know the way out.