Episodic Love

Summary

The author reflects on personal growth, the pain of lost love, and the realization of self-acceptance amidst challenges.

Abstract

The article titled "Episodic Love" delves into the author's journey towards self-love and acceptance, emphasizing the importance of humility and positivity in the face of emotional hardship. The author describes a recent walk that led to introspection about past relationships, particularly focusing on a profound connection with someone named Ryan. Despite the pain of this memory, the author finds solace in the realization that beauty is transient, prompting an openness to self-acceptance. The author acknowledges the difficulty in expressing grief and the fear associated with deep love. They also reveal that their mental health episodes, characterized by experiences of lies and deceit, were in fact preparing them for a significant personal revelation. The narrative concludes with the author feeling safe and optimistic about the future.

Opinions

The author values self-love and humility as key components of personal growth.
There is an acknowledgment that beauty fades, which motivates the author to remain open and accepting of themselves.
The author expresses a complex emotional state where grief is overshadowed by pain, particularly in relation to a past deep love with Ryan.
The author believes that their mental health struggles, including episodes filled with lies and deceit, were a form of preparation for current or future realities.
There is a sense of regret for not heeding the signs provided by their delusions, which they now recognize as obvious indicators of the right path.
The author feels a sense of safety and joy, suggesting a positive resolution or acceptance of their situation.

Episodic Love

Author Photo

I love who I am and humility ultimately frees me from lack of awareness and beliefs towards myself. I am trying as hard as I can to remain positive and I believe part of me has shutdown in order to survive. I truly can’t cry. I know beauty fades and that notion alone pushes me to be open and accept myself if I cant reach my goal of feeling self love once again. I will be okay.

I went for a walk today for the first time in a week and found the beach path more quiet than usual. I took this time to pave a painful path through my minds memories of lost loves. Pain dominated while grief barely existed. Ryan and I shared a love deeper than any long walk could help me process. It terrified me and I now feel light and joyous once again.

My episodes have been filled with lies, deceit and tests in order to prepare me for this moment. I did not know I was being shown what may become reality. I feel foolish for not listening to my delusions because I saw obvious signs pointing me in the right direction. I am now safe.