Epictetus: The Calm Switch

Keeping Calm When the World Seems to Bait You

Every day we meet frustrations.

Things often don’t go our way. The news is bad. We get annoyed or sad that the world isn’t bending to our will. We attempt to exert more control and our expectation that things will go well never diminishes. And yet we find ourselves time and again with the same frustrations.

How do we break this cycle?

The first-century Stoic philosopher Epictetus starts from a simple question: what is out of our control?

It’s always a surprise to understand just how much is out of our ultimate control. The philosopher strips away all that isn’t “us” until he’s left with “the will”, the reasoning self under the skin.

When we understand just how little is in our control, we can take solace in the fact that it is the way we take in the world that is in our full control. It’s the self that takes in the world — all the impressions of what is going on around and within us. It’s therefore the self that’s in control of how we feel about it.

While we are never fully in control of what happens to us, we are in control of how we respond. “It is not events that disturb people,” Epictetus taught, “it is their judgements concerning them.” We know this deep down, yet we often find ourselves getting frustrated, sad or angry about things that we have no control over.

Epictetus’s solution to this problem is so influential that the ancient philosopher is a credited influence on the development of modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by its founder Albert Ellis.

There are no surviving writings of the first-century philosopher, every trace we have of his teaching was written down by students, notably Arrian of Nicomedia (c. 85 to c. 145). Having been instructed by Epictetus in 108, Arrian entered the court of the emperor Hadrian and became a notable historian of Alexander the Great’s conquests.

It is through Arrian that we have the Enchiridion — which means “handbook” or “manual” (for life) — a short compendium of Epictetus’ teachings.

Epictetus spent much of his life as a slave. Most slaves in ancient Rome were dehumanised and robbed of their identity and dignity. The name Epictetus itself means “property”. His philosophy was perhaps developed with the practical need to keep sane in such an abject situation. He was lame, possibly as a result of a beating, and literally had no hope of exerting any meaningful control over his own destiny.

His understanding of the “self” is more restricted yet concentrated than the sense of self an average free person might hold.

Many of us would consider our status and reputation part of our “self”. We may also feel the same way about our possessions — our clothes, vehicles and houses — as part of us. They are, after all, ours by law. But we often feel unempowered, that we lack control, what is “us” is at the mercy of forces outside of our control.

Epictetus, on the other hand, was at the total mercy of his master and never truly possessed anything, but his sense of self and the control he possessed is extraordinarily concentrated. He told his students:

“You can chain my leg, but not even Zeus can overcome my will. ‘I’ll throw you into prison.’ You mean my poor body. ‘I’ll have you beheaded.’ Why, did I ever tell you that I’m the only man to have a neck that can’t be severed?”

“You mean my poor body” — here Epictetus separates his will from his very body. As a slave, his body was not his, this is a bitter but also valuable lesson. Our bodies are not ultimately ours, either. If they were, we’d just will away cancer or any other disease.

The things that are out of our control will impinge on our freedom of movement or our freedom of wealth, but they cannot impinge on our freedom of will.

As a slave, Epictetus had more of a sense of his self than anybody else could. No harm can come to the will when we know the will alone is ours. All we need to do is not entrust our peace of mind to anybody or anything but ourselves.

Parallel Intention

This is all easily said, but how is it done? In our busy modern lives, we are constantly goaded, restricted and our plans frustrated.

Epictetus advises us to rehearse our intentions. Whenever we undertake an action that involves many things out of our control, we should in parallel set the intention to “keep our will in line with nature.”

Keeping our “will aligned with nature” is a Stoic idea that essentially means “be rational”. The Stoics believed all things had oikeiôsis, a Greek word that pertains to household and means “possessed of”.

The oikeiôsis of human beings is to reason. No other animal, the stoics reasoned, is possessed of reason. It is a trait exclusive and natural to human beings. So to keep our will aligned with nature is to act with reason.

The philosopher uses the example of going to the public baths, a very important Roman leisure and hygiene ritual. Epictetus told his students that if he planned to visit the baths, he would also plan to keep his will aligned with nature. If his possessions were stolen while he was in the bath, his parallel intention would help him keep his composure.

“You will complete the act with more composure if you say at the outset, ‘I want a bath, but at the same time I want to keep my will aligned with nature’.”

Epictetus would ensure he didn’t lose his composure by saying “Well, this was not my only intention, I also want to keep my will aligned with nature, which is impossible to do if I go to pieces whenever anything bad happens.” He visited the baths to have an enjoyable experience and it didn’t turn out that way, but he also visited the baths to exercise his reason, to keep his “will aligned with nature.”

Suppose you are seated at a restaurant table and it hasn’t been cleaned, minutes pass and the table still isn’t cleaned. You visited the restaurant to have a good time, which isn’t working out well, but you also visited the restaurant with the intention to exercise your reason. You can politely ask the waiter to clean the table. If the waiter is rude and ignores you, you can leave.

Suppose you don’t want to, or you are embarrassed to, you don’t want to make a scene. Is it still worth getting upset? It’s entirely your choice if you get upset, because getting upset or not is the thing that is most fully within your control.

If you commit to exercising your reason — your parallel intention — you will act appropriately and in a calm state of mind.

That is why Epictetus says, “When we are frustrated, angry or unhappy, never hold anyone except ourselves — that is, our judgements, accountable.”

Parallel intentions are perhaps a big ask for every activity you undertake in your busy life, but perhaps you could set the intention to exercise your reason for each day.

As you brush your teeth or dry your hair, simply promise yourself you will exercise your reason for the rest of the day, or keep your will aligned with nature, whatever expression suits you.

Throughout our lives, every single day, we are baited by fate to lose our temper, or to succumb to too much sadness, or to be frustrated and annoyed. Philosophy equips us with the tools to remain calm, to understand that we have full control over how we respond to events, but not the events themselves. Therein lies our true selves and our true freedom.

Thank you for reading, I hope you learned something new.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy my article on Marcus Aurelius and reason: