Enlightmare

A poem on enlightenment

perhaps there is no way I can get enlightened I cannot demand enlightenment I cannot wish it might happen I cannot do such and such and ask existence to give me enlightenment

I can offer help or pretend to be nice to people or even the imaginary god and hope I will get some favor in return

but perhaps I cannot approach enlightenment with the same mentality

and so perhaps I cannot do a damn thing about enlightenment I am completely at the mercy of life or universe or existence

and that is perhaps not just the case of enlightenment even the next breath and even the next moment

no cleverness no willpower no fantasizing no prayers nothing would make existence to take pity on me and shower enlightenment

and I do not know maybe being at the mercy of existence is the only sane way

or it is not even a case of trying to be at the mercy of existence for that would mean I am not already! but I am trying so I should be rewarded with enlightenment — haha

outside of the mental fantasies we are already at the mercy of existence

may grace fall upon you or me in a moment of nakedness — psychological nakedness exposed to existence fully

“Grace tears you away in spite of yourself. You cannot do anything for or against it. It doesn’t know you. It is absolutely merciless, ready to devour. The infinite is always present but only when this armour, this idea of separation, weakens, does Grace seize you. Most people experience the dark night of the soul as a deep depression, a total void of all sense, all ideas. In this emptiness of meaning and purpose the person is eradicated. This is Grace.” ― Karl Renz