VOTING CONCERNS
Empty Nester Runs for US House of Representatives
With time on her hands
Tuesday is the big day! I’m running for the House seat in my congressional district. This has been such a big deal for me ever since five minutes ago when I decided to write my name on the ballot. It dawned on me life is short, my kids are grown, and my husband will be occupied with NBA games on our TV until next year. I said, Stephanie, this is your time.
And it’s your time, friends, to vote for me. I have so much free time on my hands, I would like you to write in my name on your ballot wherever you are. I registered to run for congressional seats all over the place because I like a lot of places.
My point is, I’m beyond ready for this responsibility, so I’d like to be as many congresspeople as I can be.
Why now?
Why do I want to enter politics now that my life is empty of its prior commitments? Shouldn’t I be knitting or boating at this point in my life? Maybe so. Maybe I’m a fool, but is it foolish to want to help people? I remember helping my kids with their homework for many years. Those were the good old days — my boys sitting at their desks, me hovering over them answering questions, giving support, and serving snacks.
“Sweetheart, what are you working on? Do you need my help?”
“I’m good.”
“But don’t you want my input or advice?”
“Mom, I’m in high school.”
“I was in high school once too, you know. Don’t feel bad if you need my help.”
“Fine. Let g(x, y, z) = e −(x+y) 2 + z 2 (x + y). Suppose a piece of fruit is sitting on a table and at each point (x, y, z) in the space surrounding the fruit, g(x, y, z) gives the strength of the odor of the fruit. Suppose a certain bug always flies in the direction in which the odor increases fastest. Now, suppose the bug always flies at a speed of 2 feet/second. What is the velocity vector of the bug when it is at the position (2, −2, 1)?”
“If bugs are near fruit, sweetheart, that means the fruit is overripe.”
“Mom, leave me alone.”
It’s only natural
My point is I’m a natural-born helper. And while math is one of my strengths, voting is not math. It’s symbolism. Here are the two possible symbols you need to be concerned with on Tuesday when you vote for me.
What you need to do is put one of these symbols inside this symbol —
Does this make sense? If not, I can come to your polling place and help. I’ll fill in your ballot for you — no worries. Text me. Now that my kids are grown and gone, my time isn’t eaten up by math tutoring and taxi service. Tuesday my schedule is open, but soon I’ll be busy writing legislation. I might also be knitting. I heard nothing gets done in DC. If that’s the case, it’s because folks are making baby blankets.
Did I mention I used to have kids?
If I get elected, I’ll meet a lot of children. It’ll be wonderful. They’ll be voting on my legislation.
I love kids.
So, vote for me. Sometimes in politics, there are bad apples, and you don’t want that. Do the math.
Fruit flies.
Thanks to Amy Sea for editing. I would vote for her in a heartbeat.
See http://math.colgate.edu for the fruit fly Calculus problem. Do you know the answer? I don’t.
