LIFE LESSONS, SELF-EMPOWERMENT, WRITING
Empowering Oneself Alone
An introvert’s happy place
It’s scary to put myself out there to the world to share my life perspective, truth, fiction, stories, and images of myself and my body, but developing my personal growth through creative writing and exercise are intrinsic pieces of who I am.
Whenever I’m anxious about exposing myself through my stories, fitness adventures, or certain social situations where I feel overwhelmed by people, noise, or activity, I remove myself safely, leave an empty spot and create a new space — alone.
To be at peace with myself spending time alone is empowering. No one is watching, listening, or judging. I can breathe, think and wonder.
Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own — Oprah Winfrey
There are powerful benefits of spending time alone, and I find that solitude is just as valuable as maintaining strong, supportive social connections and relationships.
5 Powerful Benefits of Alone Time
1. Builds Mental Strength
According to studies, healthy time spent in solitude can improve stress management, life satisfaction, and happiness. Some people who take pleasure in spending time alone experience less depression. After spending time alone in nature, I feel refreshed, less stressed, and have renewed mental strength to write, parent, or tackle my next task.
2. Sparks Self-Creativity
In solitude, my brain is alone — unbridled to wander, explore and think. Working alone enables me to flourish creatively and challenge myself to explore and embrace new ideas without the stress that the social pressure and limitations of working in a group can put on me. I may be compelled to fit in or agree with the crowd — instead of speaking up to share my true thoughts.
Being alone liberates my honesty, authenticity, individual thought process. It also helps get me into the flow of writing or creativity, without doubting my own adequacy.
“Flow is an optimal state in which you feel totally engaged in an activity…In a state of flow, you’re neither bored nor anxious, and you don’t question your own adequacy. Hours pass without your noticing.” Susan Cain, Author of Quiet
3. Prioritizes Self-Interests and Improves Memory & Concentration
Being alone gives me the power and time to focus on my interests, needs and helps foster personal development. It gives me the freedom to make my own creative decisions without worrying about what others may be thinking, feeling, or judging. It also helps with focus on tasks with better concentration, memory retention, and recall of information without outside distractions.
Introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation. — Susan Cain
4. Strengthens Relationships
People need a healthy balance of social interaction and relationships and time spent in solitude. When I practice self-care and alone time outside my relationships, it gives each person time and distance from each other. When we reconnect, it gives me a fresh perspective, renewed energy, and patience to listen. We may or may not agree on certain things, but it strengthens our love, empathy, and communication with each other.
“To develop our real selves, we need time alone for thought and meditation. To be always giving out and never pumping in, the well runs dry.” — Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Author, leader of women’s rights movement.
5. Empowers Me to be Me
Solitude helps me make choices without outside influences and distractions. For example, walking in the forest, wading my feet in the river, or sitting on a beach log gives me time to appreciate nature and be alone with my thoughts, emotions, and reflections and develop insight into who I am.
It helps me understand my feelings, needs, and fuels my self-purpose. It opens up space to make sense of what inspires me, makes me function, and enables me to find contentment in the present moment.
It empowers me to shine as an individual with self-awareness, self-love, and inner self-confidence and gives me satisfaction and joy.
“I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” — Henry David Thoreau
My Life-Changing Moments During Solitude
It was during thoughtful, focused moments I spent alone and asked myself what I truly needed in different areas of my life that I made three life-changing decisions:
- Family: I chose to follow my heart, take a chance, and kept trying to get pregnant after suffering two painful miscarriages. Instead of obsessing over my fear and the risks associated with geriatric pregnancies beyond my control, I kept trying and eventually became a first-time mother at age 40 and gave birth to a healthy boy.
- Fitness: I chose to fight for who I am to better my health, strength, and self-confidence by embarking on a personal fitness journey. Instead of giving in to my self-doubt about my physical and mental capabilities, I persevered with exercise and overcame my self-doubt. I eventually competed in three first-time-ever mountain races in 2019 and entered the international 2020 Ms. Heath and Fitness Contest. I mastered various physical skills I didn’t think I could do, such as mastering headstand, crow pose, crossing monkey bars, and swimming in the ocean during the winter, at age 50!
- Writing: I chose to create and launch my creative writing blog as an emotional and creative outlet. Instead of procrastinating and letting fear get in my way because I was afraid of readers and family members criticizing, judging, or discouraging my writing efforts, I eventually stopped obsessing over what people thought. That’s when I pushed myself to write with vulnerability and publish braver stories.
Because I listened to my true self when I was alone — I learned what I needed, why I needed it, and figured out how to fulfill those needs. Solitude gave me the space and quiet courage to try.
“We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly — spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order”. — Susan L. Taylor, Editor, writer, journalist
Being Alone is Not Lonely
When I’m alone, I ask myself questions about self-purpose, reflect on what matters, figure out what is trivial, and let go of what may be impeding my personal growth. Sometimes the answers will come, sometimes they don’t, but my mind becomes calmer and clearer.
Spending time by myself is not selfish or lonely; it’s self-care, self-love and honors my self-worth.
“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” — Ellen Burstyn.
I’m an introvert by nature, and it’s taken decades of self-nurturing to become confident in my skin and let people see me. But sometimes, I love the electricity of meeting new people, videoing my cartwheels and cold ocean swims to inspire others, and dance like nobody's watching. This makes me wonder if I’ve grown into an ambivert.
Either way, I couldn’t function or recharge without my alone time. It’s how I empower myself to re-energize as a parent, life partner, and as a woman to create, embrace my fitness and writing challenges, and unleash those stories in my head from the past and present.
Spending time alone builds mental strength, sparks creativity, prioritizes self-interests, improves memory and concentration, strengthens relationships, and empowers people to become their authentic selves.
“In solitude, the soundless dialogue which the soul holds with herself finally becomes audible.” — Jennifer Stitt
An Introvert’s & Writer’s Happy Place
Solitude empowers your individuality to make you shine as a person and inspires joy.
Writers are often considered introverts who shy away from people, social activity, and speaking out. The silence of alone time can be a writer’s happy place — but writers still need to be heard.
Because that’s how we make our footprint in the world.
“Spend some amount of time alone every day.” — Dalai Lama
Questions for Readers:
- What is one of your favorite ways you spend your alone time?
- What is one situation where you feel you need alone time or an escape and why?
- How do you feel emotionally, mentally, or physically after you’ve spent time alone?
- What is one way you make your footprint in the world? Is it through writing, music, art, parenting, teaching, volunteering, fitness, your job, or something else?
Gratitude for answering these questions and your reading time, Mary Chang Story Writer.
About the Author
Mary Chang is an award-winning short story fiction writer, memoir writer, and blogger. She’s also a parent, fitness enthusiast and recharges herself with alone time. Her writing is inspired by exercise, parenting, writing, humor, life lessons, and people.
Fueled by cartwheels, laughter, and encouraging others to shine. Read her blog at www.marychangstorywriter.com.
You can read her most popular Medium stories here.