Empathy vs. Sympathy — The Difference Makes All the Difference

Our Divine Power of Love

There are many word embedded in the richness of the English language that have subtle but distinct meanings. Sympathy and Empathy are two such words.

Both are positive and well-meaning, but to empathize with someone is to “walk in their shoes” — to understand and share their feelings. It is a deeper form of compassion than sympathy, which is pity or sorrow — neither being particularly empathetic.

Empathy is of the heart and sympathy is of the mind.

Both are compassionate, yet one is from the inside out and the other is from the outside in.

As humans we are sensitive to this difference. In some cases sympathy can feel demeaning even if it is unintentional, while empathy is rarely misunderstood and almost always appreciated.

So what makes one effective and the other controversial?

Here is what I have learned so far:

1. You cannot fake empathy — sympathy you can buy in a greeting-card store or a flower shop, but empathy takes an emotional connection that is often grounded in deep awareness and friendship.
2. Empathy has to be genuine, a pouring out of the heart, not just sympathetic words and nods.
3. Empathy takes feeling and affection — a hug is good, if appropriate, for it can be worth endless words.
4. Empathy is a confirmation of the other’s point-of-view and a validation of their emotions.
5. Empathy should not be rushed — sympathy can be a couple words and you’re done, not so with empathy.
6. Empathy is about healing while sympathy is more about dealing.
7. You sense empathy — you hear sympathy.
8. You have to stop for empathy but only pause for sympathy.
9. Sympathy can be public, but empathy is personal and often private.
10. To empathize is to be one — to sympathize is to remain two.
11. Empathy takes active listening while sympathy can be active without listening — think card and a postage stamp.
12. To sympathize is good but to empathize is great.

Those are some observations to date on my lifelong journey of empathy versus sympathy. But one thing is certain, either is much better than apathy.

A Final Thought: Empathy takes love — sympathy, not so much. And apathy is love’s absence.

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