Emotional Intimacy — Building Strong Bonds with Your Children

Summary

The article discusses the importance of emotional intimacy between parents and children, emphasizing the role of communication, genuine interest, and shared activities in building strong family bonds.

Abstract

The author reflects on the significance of emotional intimacy, typically associated with marriage, in the context of parent-child relationships. Recounting a personal experience of estrangement from their eldest child due to a lack of open communication, the author emphasizes the necessity of authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings to prevent such outcomes. With a focus on their two teenage children, the author outlines strategies for fostering emotional closeness, including maintaining constant communication, showing interest in their daily lives, and dedicating time for shared activities. The author, despite a busy work schedule, prioritizes engaging with their children through homework help, conversations about their interests, and family bonding through games and music. These efforts are depicted as not only strengthening current relationships but also laying the groundwork for the children's future healthy relationships.

Opinions

The author believes that emotional intimacy with children is crucial and can prevent heartache if nurtured through open communication.
The author suggests that demonstrating love and balancing discipline with rewards is key to a healthy parent-child relationship.
The author values the role of active listening and spending quality time with children to understand their world and interests.
The author acknowledges the challenges of online learning and the importance of parental support in this context.
The author expresses that bonding with children helps them to open up and share their feelings, which is essential for their emotional development and future relationships.
The author conveys that small gestures of love and attention, such as noticing a sticky note, can have a profound impact on children and the parent-child relationship.

Monday Prompt: How to Reclaim Emotional Intimacy (authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings)

Author with children on hiking trip in 2019

Emotional intimacy is usually associated with marriage. But when I think about emotional intimacy I think about the relationship with my children.

I have three children. The first was from a previous marriage that did not end very well. I was quite young when I had her and I guess you could say we grew up together. We were close… or so I thought.

Then one day she betrayed me. Broke my trust. If she had only opened up about her feelings, a lot of heartache could have been prevented. On both sides. I haven’t seen her in two years. Forgiveness is hard, and I pray every day for a forgiving heart. Maybe one day. But that’s another story.

Building Strong Bonds

All that is left for me is to build strong bonds with my other two children, my son and last daughter. They are both teenagers. Witnessing what happened between my first daughter and I, they have grown very close to me, especially my last daughter. She has developed a deep connection with me.

The good thing is they talk to me, and I encourage them to do so all the time.

Children are very sensitive. They need to know they are loved, and once that love is demonstrated, they will give it in return. I don’t mean spoil them, just try to establish a balance between discipline and reward. My children pour love on me, and I do the same with them.

So how do we claim emotional intimacy with our children?

1. Through constant communication. We need to talk to them.

2. Show genuine interest in their daily activities. Find out about their day.

3. Spend time with them. Make the time, somehow.

Spend Time With Your Children

As a full-time worker I have to make the time to spend with them. For instance, when I get home from work, the first thing I do is go look for my daughter (when she does not come running out to meet me when I pull into the carport). I ask about school. Online learning is difficult for her so I support as best I can like helping with homework. I also enquire about her friends. There is always a story about one of her friends.

Then I go look for my son. When I ask how his day was, I hear about all the things he learnt on YouTube; especially about cars. I listen even though I have not a clue about what he’s talking about. He loves the look of confusion on my face.

Sometimes all three of us congregate in my son’s bedroom where we chat, play UNO or board games. Other times we play music and have our own little party going on. We have so much fun together.

One day my daughter berated me for not looking at a sticky note I had on my home office desk. When I opened it there were the words “Mommy I love you”… with a few hearts at the end. It touched my heart. All I could do was hug her and say I’m sorry for not noticing. I was forgiven.

We can claim emotional intimacy with our children when we bond with them. It helps them to open up and share their feelings. It also sets a foundation for them to establish healthy relationships when they get older.