Summary

Emma Holiday outlines the Five Stages of Transgender Assimilation, which are Awareness, Understanding, Acceptance, Support, and Normalization, as a framework for the potential reactions of cisgender individuals to transgender people.

Abstract

Emma Holiday, a 65-year-old individual in the process of transitioning, presents a personal perspective on the progressive stages cisgender people may experience when assimilating the reality of a transgender person's identity. These stages start with the initial Awareness of non-binary gender existence, leading to a willingness to learn and challenge preconceived notions. The Understanding stage involves acquiring knowledge about gender incongruence and developing empathy. Acceptance is when a transgender person is recognized and treated as any other human being, acknowledging their identity as part of their existence rather than a mental condition. The Support stage is characterized by active assistance to transgender individuals in managing the challenges of transitioning. Finally, Normalization occurs when the relationship between cisgender and transgender individuals becomes ordinary, with the transgender identity no longer being a focal point of the interaction.

Opinions

Emma Holiday views outright rejection of transgender individuals as a non-starter, attributing it to societal and religious influences that perpetuate ignorance or willful denial of facts.
The author criticizes "gender flat-worlders" for their refusal to acknowledge the reality of transgender experiences and for abdicating responsibility in their prejudiced views.
Emma emphasizes the importance of education in dispelling transphobia, suggesting that knowledge leads to the dissipation of prejudices.
The writer believes that empathy is a key component of the Understanding stage, where cisgender individuals start to relate to the psychological distress caused by gender incongruence.
Acceptance is described as a pivotal point where transgender individuals are no longer seen as having a mental condition but as people with a birth defect that can be addressed.
Support is not just passive acceptance but involves active participation in helping transgender individuals navigate societal challenges and their personal transitions, such as offering makeup tips or beard care.
Normalization is seen as the ideal where the transgender identity is integrated into everyday relationships, and transgender individuals are regarded as just another person without special attention to their gender identity.
Emma Holiday uses writing as a form of therapy to process personal thoughts and experiences, aiming to find self

Emma’s Five Stages of Transgender Assimilation:

Awareness, Understanding, Acceptance, Support and Normalization

Ellis Island: the first step in American assimilation

As someone who is in the process of transitioning and still not fully committed to coming out at this stage of my life (I’m 65), I am trying to understand the potential reactions that friends and family members will have if I do and what predictable stages of progress I can expect.

Outright rejection is the easiest one and is not even a stage; it is a non-starter. Socialization and religious dogma have conspired to support rejection as the spontaneous reaction for most people. It is reinforced by either a lack of desire to try to understand or a militant rejection in spite of facts. Those individuals I call the gender flat-worlders. They deny facts and support the fiction that absolves them of any mature responsibility for their decisions.

Similar to the Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler, I have my Five Stages of Transgender Assimilation. I am using “assimilation” in two ways:

- the process of taking in and fully understanding information or ideas, and

-the process of when “they” becomes “us”.

So here we go.

AWARENESS: Awareness is the first stage. It is the moment that a cisgender person becomes aware that gender is not binary for some individuals and begins to challenge their own understanding of gender. They are willing to learn and begin to educate themselves. As their ignorance disappears, any transphobia left simply melts away. (Transphobia is a dislike of or prejudice against a transgender person).

UNDERSTANDING: Understanding is the second stage. It when a cisgender person gathers knowledge of the reality of gender incongruence and then that morphs into an appreciation of the psychological distress that results from that incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. They start to empathize.

ACCEPTANCE: Acceptance occurs when the cisgender person begins to internalize their recognition and belief that someone is just someone who is transgender and begins to treat them as a normal human being with a birth defect that can be cured not a mental condition that can’t.

SUPPORT: Support occurs when a cisgender has move on from simply accepting that someone is transgender. They begin to help their transgender friend or family member deal with the extraordinary difficulties that transitioning and being transgender cause. They help lift the weight and pain that Society inflicts on transgender individuals and simply offer a shoulder. That help can include help with their gender transition, like make up tips or beard care.

NORMALIZATION: Normalization is when the cisgender person and transgender person begin to have normal relationship, for example, a cis woman and a trans woman go clothes shopping and stop for a glass of wine or a cis guy going out for a beer with a trans guy to watch a football game after working out at the gym. These are stereotypical binary examples but I am using them to simply make the point.

Ultimately, the cis person forgets the trans person is trans and the trans person just becomes… a person.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.

Please also read:

The Transgender Pain

The Pain

emmah1017.medium.com