Stop running away from your anger

Don’t run from your anger and don’t try to bury it. Now is the time to embrace it.

by: E.B. Johnson

When we are confronted with our anger, it can be an unpleasant and uncomfortable experience. We’ve been taught to fear our anger, and to avoid it at all costs. It figures into our views on gender and even our views on self. It has the power to stir and transform entire nations, yet we fear it more than we seek to understand it.

Our anger can be a transformative force for good when we stop running from it and start embracing it. Anger comes from a primitive, purposeful place, and it’s our job to see it for what it is and redirect its power in our lives. When we allow ourselves to stop running from the anger and the pain that’s stirring within us, we can often find the energy and the inspiration to change ourselves (and the world around us) for the better.

Our anger is just another emotion.

We are living in the midst of a world in flux. Everything we have ever known is changing, and it’s changing at a pace that’s faster than we’ve ever experienced it. Now is the time to re-invent yourself and embrace the life you were always meant to lead. That means accepting who we are, though, and accepting our emotions too. This especially includes our anger, which can be a transformative force for good in our lives when learn to understand and embrace it.

Our anger serves to protect us, and it does so by inspiring action within us. When we are angry, it can be hard to prevent ourselves from standing up for ourselves and for others; it forces us to confront and demand our needs. We have to learn how to reshape it, though, and channel it into positive proactivity the opens the door to opportunity.

Stop running from your anger. Stop being embarrassed of it and humiliated by it. Your anger has just as much value in this life as your love and your happiness. Only when you give it a seat at the table, will you start to find the balance between your complicated emotions? Never lose sight of your purpose and never lose sight of your limitations and boundaries. Your anger can transform your life in the best possible ways. You just need to figure out how to reshape your perspective around it.

Your anger is justified, and this is why.

Anger — uncomfortable as it might be — can be justified, and it can be healthy. When we’ve been wronged or are in danger of being injured or slighted, our anger rises us to protect us and inspire action. These are just a few of the instances in which you might experience such justified rage and aggravations.

Response to a threat

The primary reason we become angry is in response to a threat. When someone or something gets in our way and shows an intention of harm, it causes us to bristle and emotionally react in ways which inspire physical action. The less control we exert over these reactions, the more harmful they can become, which then reinforces our negative perspective of anger in the first place.

Lies and betrayal

Being lied to or betrayed by someone that we love, or respect is hard to understand. It hurts us in deep places, but once that pain has receded we often find ourselves bubbling with rage. That’s a fair emotion to feel. After all, you have been cheated in many ways. The real power, though, is learning how to spot the anger that arises from such betrayal and listen to the truths it is attempting to reveal to you.

Failing to be seen or valued

When the people who are important to you fail to see you for who you are, or they fail to value your authentic self — it can lead to a resentment that festers into honest and justified anger. We have a right to be who we are and lead the lives that offer us fulfillment. We have a right to be accepted and comfortable in our own skin. If you’re angry because you feel like your friends or family don’t allow you to be who you are, you have a right to be angry and a right to be hurt.

Discrimination (of any kind)

We are living in a world that has been ripped open and exposed for what it truly is. Among the horrors we can count among these revelations, discrimination like racism and sexism reign supreme. Discrimination (of any kind) results in a righteous anger or aggravation — depending on the level of discomfort you are subjected to. The more these hardships are perpetuated, the more this anger builds; often inspiring action that has the power to transform entire nations (for better and for worse).

Blatant disrespect

Being disrespected is not an enjoyable experience, and it can cause us to react in some sharp and ugly ways. Blatant disrespect is unnecessary, yet it happens all the time. Part of gaining your power as a healthy, well-adjusted adult is developing the skills you need to deal with such disrespect. Rather than hiding the anger we feel from such instances, we have to learn to embrace it and the information it is revealing to us.

Not getting a fair share

When you don’t get your fair share of something that is rightfully yours, it can cause some serious irritations that inspire you to react (or take action). Think of it like a generation passing down a poor deal to their heirs, or a teammate not getting a fair cut of the rewards — despite their work. When you put in energy, time, or money, but you don’t get anything in return, it can make you frustrated enough to walk your way right into new and better horizons.

Why your anger can be empowering.

Once you know your anger is justified, you can start taking advantage of its motivational and empower aspects. Don’t think your anger can free you from your pain? These are just a few of the ways embracing your anger gives you the power and skill to build a better life.

Creating a problem solver

Anger makes us better problem solvers, though this isn’t something we always consider right away. When things get upset or denied to us, it causes irritation. This irritation (when listened to) often then pushes us to find new avenues to getting what we want. New doors open up, and new skills present themselves as we become more determined to push ourselves toward our goals and future objectives.

Gaining a sense of control

Perhaps one of the best ways our anger empowers us is by giving us a sense of control. When we take carefully thought-through action and combine with a sense of purpose — we shift lives more directly toward our dreams and the things that we need. The more calculated action we take, the more we gain control of both our environments and our mindsets. Our anger helps us to protect our needs and those things around us which are rightfully ours.

Safeguarding values and beliefs

There is, maybe, nothing that gets us more angry than an assault on our personal beliefs or values. Our values and our beliefs are light guideposts that direct the course of our lives. They send us in the direction of the people, places and experiences that bring our lives meaning and fulfillment. So, when they’re attacked, we take it extremely personally. This can result in us standing up for ourselves and the people and causes we believe in. Over time, this can result in major change for the world.

Driving forward toward goals

Because anger can be such an action-inspiring emotion, it drives us toward our goals even if we don’t realize us. When we embrace our anger, study it and listen to it, it leads to calculated action that is both precise and efficient. These actions push us forward and open up the doors to new opportunities. They inspire us, give us courage, and make it possible for us to believe that we have the power to defeat any darkness in our lives.

Forcing optimism

Sometimes, you get angry because you get fed up of not having or getting what you want / need in this life. This causes you to become hyper-focused on what you want — infusing a burst of optimism which might otherwise have been lost while you remained placated. Anger, though sometimes uncomfortable, has an uncanny way of helping us to focus on the good things that we want from ourselves and from the world; then allowing us to insist on them for ourselves and for others too.

Inevitable self-improvement

When you embrace your anger and welcome it as a valued member of your emotional pantheon, it leads you to inevitable self-improvement. Think about it. Look back at the last time you were so angry, you felt physically compelled to get up and do something about it. For example, the last time someone called you a name, or hurt someone you loved. Now, imagine that person was your depression, or the fear of failure that keeps hold you back. Imagine then if you were that inspired to take action in the name of their humiliation and defeat.

The best ways to reshape the way you see anger.

Stop running from your anger. Stop burying it deep down inside and shutting it away. Learning how to tap into your anger for positive change is one of the best things you can do for yourself, but this takes conscious commitment and the understanding that we need to think things through before we leap into action (for ourselves or against others).

1. Transform your perspective

First, you have to shift the way you see your anger. So many of us were raised to believe that anger was a bad thing that should never be shown to others. It was often taught as something dangerous, or something unseemly. It is just as valid as all the rest of our feelings, though, and sometimes a more powerful catalyst for change. It’s all in the way you decide to see your anger, and how you decide to take action within in.

Rather than seeing your anger as something negative, or something to hide, start to see it as the bringer of important information which you need to heed. Each time you get angry, stop and ask yourself why. Is this coming from the event at hand? Or does your anger come from some deeper projection of pain, loss, and dismissal?

The more regularly you question where your anger is coming from, the better you will get at spotting the habits that keep repeating; or the reactions that are holding you back in life and love. Record these events and the resulting thoughts in a journal. Notice when your anger arises and notice the results of the normal way you handle it. What would happen if you took a radically different approach? What would your life look like tomorrow if you used your justified anger for action — rather than hiding it away?

2. Embrace the motivation

Justified anger is powerful in that it usually comes with a great deal of motivation to take action. This motivation moves us to stand up for others and ourselves, in ways that drastically change our environments and society in general. That is not to say we should lash out and act on our rage. To the contrary, embracing the motivation means getting comfy, sitting with your anger and thinking up a master plan of how to act next.

Embrace this shift in perspective as the motivation to get to the root of your issues and conflicts. Explore the things in your environment that are causing your anger to bubble up and bubble over. Are there patterns to be explored? What action can you take in this moment to change those things?

Look for small ways to act first. Maybe you can verbally stand up to someone who is giving you a hard time at work. Perhaps you can use that anger to pick up the phone and call your local Senator. Whatever action you decide to take, give yourself time to think it over and move only when you know you have the most effective course of action. Never leap before you’re sure of where you want to land. Think through your anger and think through the paths to resolution that bring you the best results.

3. Decide on means of expression

Once you’ve had a chance to think through your anger and consider where you want to move it, you have to decide on how (or if) you’re going to express it. Sometimes, this expression comes down to having a simple conversation with someone who has offended you. Other times, it means confronting darkness and taking dramatic action for your own self-preservation. You have to decide on an appropriate means of express for both your needs and the situation.

While all anger is important to analyze, not all anger is worth expressing to the people around us. There are times when our anger isn’t actually worth communicating, and there are other times when our anger is worth minimal action. If someone has slighted you, or forgotten to live up to an expectation — while your irritation might valid — your lashing out is not. Think through it and react accordingly.

This is yet another layer of addressing our anger and processing it before we react within. The more we practice this skill, the more in control of our feelings we become. And it’s not just with our anger. As you learn to master your rage, you will learn to the ability to master your sadness, your grief, your happiness. All of these emotions are intertwined and can feed off of and into one another. To master one is to learn the strength to gain control of the rest and therefore increase our emotional intelligence.

4. Take calculated (and careful) action

When it comes to the big instances of anger or upset, there is often more action required than simple expression. It is possible that you are angry because someone has betrayed you. It is possible that you are angry because someone has introduced hatred into your life. In these moments, we must understand the power of calculated and careful action.

If you’re dealing with an individual and personal situation, defend yourself with respect — but don’t sit by the sideline and allow things to continue as they are. If you’re angry, you’re angry for a reason. Address that anger, say what you need to say and know that you are also allowed to take even greater action in order to protect your wellbeing.

Listen to that anger when it tells you that it’s time to leave. When someone has pushed you to the brink, take a step back and look at reality for what it is. Is this person needed in your life? Is whatever opportunity they can offer you worth this emotional turmoil? Is their hatred worth your energy? Your time? When we listen carefully to our anger, it can often lead us away from these people and environments; spurring action like re-location and dramatic shift in social circles.

5. Understand the differences

Perhaps the more crucial part of learning how to reshape the way we see and engage with our anger is to understand the nuanced differences in it. Though many forms of anger can be justified, not all forms of anger are helpful at the moment or throughout our lives (just as we change, so do our emotional needs). Once we understand these differences, we can better judge what is worth acting on, and what is worth letting go of.

There are big differences between anger and rage, pointless explosions and controlled burns. General anger results from minor irritations and disappointed expectations. Rage occurs when we experience emotionally traumatic or life-altering events that upset our plans. Pointless explosions, though, occur when we fail to control our anger.

Once we master this emotion, though, we can enact controlled burns that change our lives for the better. Our ancestors didn’t run away from fire because it was hot and had the power to burn down entire cities. They embraced and learned how to control it for their own betterment. Without that fire, humankind would not be what it is today. Our anger is the same. It is a power that lies deep within us which, when we learn how to understand it, empowers us to stand up for what’s right and take action to protect our wellbeing.

Putting it all together…

Everywhere you look these days, you are confronted with various pictures of anger. In many cases, this anger is superficial and reactionary. In many other cases — it’s justified. What can we do with our justified anger? We can learn to tap into it and reshape it for positive transformation in our lives.

Shift the way you see your anger and start appreciating the value it brings to your life. Look for the root causes behind your frustrations and embrace them honestly and without judgement. Stop seeing it as something to be hidden, and see it as the motivator it can be. Embrace that motivation, but always give yourself space to analyze your emotions before springing into action. Once you know what you’re angry about, voice your concerns and take whatever steps need to be taken to bring you ease of mind. Worries voiced, you can start to implement deeper action that can further reaffirm your boundaries and help reassure you that a similar situation can be handled in the future. Understand the differences in the stages of your anger and become the master of this emotion by confronting it like a compassionate friend each and every day. Our anger doesn’t make us broken. It makes us strong.