Embracing My Asian Side

Summary

The author, a mixed-race individual with a Filipino mother and Caucasian father, navigates their self-identity and cultural heritage, ultimately embracing their Asian side more deeply later in life, influenced by their partner and a personal desire to connect with their roots.

Abstract

The article "Embracing My Asian Side" delves into the personal journey of a mixed-race person born and raised in America. The author recounts their experience growing up in a diverse neighborhood, yet feeling caught between their Filipino and American identities. Despite their mother's efforts to ensure they assimilated into American culture by primarily speaking English at home, the author felt a disconnect due to their appearance and cultural differences. They faced racial biases and stereotypes, which led to feelings of anger and disenfranchisement. The author's partner played a pivotal role in encouraging them to explore and embrace their Asian heritage, prompting the author to learn more about Filipino culture and language. This journey of self-discovery has allowed the author to authentically connect with their Asian identity, finding a balance between being American and embracing their Asianness.

Opinions

The author acknowledges the importance of their mother's decision to speak English at home to facilitate assimilation into American culture.
There is a critical view of the racist undertones in American society, particularly the biases associated with accents and the notion that "White" has a specific sound.
The author values individuality over racial stereotypes and is against making universal statements about groups of people.
They express a desire to learn Tagalog to communicate with family and to immerse themselves in their cultural heritage.
The author appreciates the support of their partner in embracing their Asian identity without fetishizing it.
They have actively sought out Asian media representation to feel more connected to their Asian roots.
The author identifies as Asian-American, recognizing both parts of their heritage as integral to their identity.

Mixed Background

I was raised in a pretty diverse, working-class neighborhood. It’s not like I wasn’t exposed to different cultures and people from different backgrounds. It’s just that I was always stuck in between with my own self-identity. I was the son of a Caucasian father and a Filipino mother. I had a bit of a combination of Filipino culture with the idea of American culture. The main and primary language spoken in our house was English.

Mom is a First-Generation Filipino-American

My mom made sure of this even though her first language was Tagalog. She would talk to her friends on the phone in Tagalog but always addressed her husband and her kids in English. She wanted to ensure that our first language would be English and that we could assimilate ourselves into American culture. I mean, I guess I get it. She was a first-generation Filipino-American immigrant who had children with a Caucasian-American military serviceman who she had met overseas. She wanted her children to be more like the culture they were born into instead of a culture thousands of miles away across the Pacific Ocean.

Cultural Differences

I got exposed to many of my mom’s cultural differences early on and understood what it meant to be Filipino but I always felt different from her. While my mom had a foreign accent and mispronounced the most random words, I spoke perfect English and had a very “American” accent because I was born and raised there and English was my first language. I most certainly looked more like my mom than my dad but because of these differences, I felt more similar to my dad. I was very comfortable growing up being able to pass as someone who was not foreign, at least not in person.

American Racist Undertones

Looking back on this now, it makes me angry and disenfranchised. I want very much to be able to speak my mom’s language and to have an accent so that my looks match how people would perceive that I sound. This also made me very aware at an early age that many Americans have unchecked biases against people who look different than them. I hated hearing people say that because I sound proper and speak perfect English that I sounded white even though they said I didn’t look like it. The notion that “White” has a sound is racist.

I’ve never told any of my friends, White, Black, or Brown, that they sound like a certain race. I’ve gotten to a point now that when any stereotype is made about any type of race, I point out that we are all individuals and the differences we have aren’t racial. I can’t imagine thinking like a person who thinks that universal statements about groups of people are okay to make.

My Partner’s Role in Helping Me Embrace More of My Background

Oddly enough, it was my partner that got me around to embracing my Asian side even more. He’s White. He’s not fetishizing my Asian side or wanting me to be more Asian because he’s into Asians like that. He just wants me to be true to myself. This is why I’ve started learning even more about the culture that my mom left behind in the Philippines and tried to shield away from her kids so long ago.

More Asian Cultural Exposure

I’m considering learning Tagalog as another one of my language courses at this point so that I could have a conversation with my mom and some of my relatives in their native language. I think it would be very awesome and I could authentically connect with relatives I haven’t really had a chance to interact with much outside of social media. I’ve started watching more Asian media, movies, music, and TV.

I looked through Netflix to watch movies and shows with more Asian representation even if it wasn’t necessarily Filipino. I just wanted to see more people that look like me on TV. I started watching shows like Kim’s Convenience and movies like Crazy Rich Asians. Darren Criss is half Filipino and half White like me but I look more like Karate Kid star, the late Pat Morita.

Asian-American

I’m embracing the Asianness of my background and in my appearance. I’m definitely American for sure. I’m also Asian. You could say I’m Asian-American. I’m leaning into my Asian identity more and I feel like I’m finding another side of my life that I had left largely undiscovered for most of my life, including all of my childhood.