Embracing Love — A Journey Beyond the Need for Approval

Dancing Elephants Prompt Relationship Column

As an author and spiritual explorer, I often reflect on the intricate nature of love and happiness. In my journey, I’ve learned that happiness isn’t tied to being loved by others but to learning to be a source of love ourselves.

Happiness — A Product of Love, Not of Being Loved

In a world where we often equate happiness with being loved, we overlook a profound truth: our capacity for love is the real source of joy. This realization is the cornerstone of my writings and teachings.

Understanding True Love — Beyond Need and Dependency

We grow up believing that being loved is essential to our happiness. But when our relationships falter, this belief leads to deep suffering from a perceived lack of love. However, this view needs to be revised. True happiness comes from within, from understanding and practicing the art of being loving.

This type of love is constant, unwavering, and deeply rooted in our essence. By giving love freely, we open ourselves to receive it in abundance, fulfilling our deepest desires without getting entangled in confusion.

The Illusion of Counterfeit Love

Our journey to unshakable happiness isn’t about seeking love from others but being a source of love. Relationship pains often arise from what I call ‘Counterfeit Love’ — a mix of misconceptions, illusions, and unrealistic expectations about love. This counterfeit version, often mistaken for love, is an amalgam of emotions like excitement, infatuation, and attachment. It’s a love dependent on others’ approval and validation and fleeting.

Dispelling the Myths of Counterfeit Love

· Mistaking excitement and infatuation for love.

· Creating and falling for an idealized, fantasy version of love.

· Equating the craving for approval with love.

· Objectifying others to fulfill personal needs.

· Seeking control or desiring to be controlled in relationships.

· Using relationships to boost status, security, or self-esteem.

Unveiling Real Love

Real love is not a transient feeling; it’s a constant presence. It’s not dependent on someone else fulfilling our needs or desires. Real love is the foundation of our existence, and as we learn to build on this foundation, we embark on the unshakeable path of love.

The Folly of Chasing the ‘Perfect Person’

Our society is obsessed with the idea of the ‘perfect person’ — a belief that once we find this ideal partner, all will be well. This pursuit often leads to disappointment and heartache, as it’s rooted in a sense of incompleteness and dependency.

Redefining Perfection in Love

Consider who your ‘perfect person’ is. Write down their qualities, and then reflect on how you need to be to attract such a partner. You might find amusing discrepancies between your current self-perception and the imagined standards for your ideal partner.

This exercise reveals how our ideals about the perfect person or relationship can lead to unrealistic expectations and eventual pain. It’s important to recognize that these ideals often serve more as ego constructs than genuine desires for connection.

Embracing Love as a State of Being

Instead of seeking the perfect person to complete us, let’s focus inward. By becoming a source of love, we transform our interactions and perceptions, making everyone we meet a ‘perfect person’ in their unique way.

Let’s embrace this holiday season with a renewed perspective on love. Let’s be the ones who love, opening our hearts and finding joy in the simple act of loving, free from the constraints of needing to be loved in return.

Wishing you a season filled with genuine love and inner peace.

While we are speaking of Love, here is a lovely piece from Garima Sharma:

And a Christmas poem from Buddhi Ruparathna:

Here is a delightful piece with poetry, wonderful musical interlude, and deep thoughts from Enes Cevik:

If you enjoyed this story, Follow, Subscribe, Clap a lot, Comment, and/or Share.