Embrace Failure Like You Embrace Doing What Sucks

Because failure, like broccoli, is damn good for you.

“If you never fail, you’re only trying things that are too easy and playing far below your level… If you can’t remember any time in the last six months when you failed, you aren’t trying to do difficult enough things.” ~ Eliezer Yudkowsky, via MoveMe Quotes

Failure sucks

Let’s get that out of the way right from the get go. It would be naive and hypocritical of me to say otherwise. Because I know the feeling of failure… and it sucks.

But, so do most other things in life that are damn good for you. Working out sucks; eating broccoli sucks; disconnecting from news and social media sucks; reading personal growth books sucks; meditating sucks—until it doesn’t.

Have you ever regretted a workout that you completed? I haven’t. Have you ever regretted eating broccoli? Disconnecting from your TV or your phone? Reading that personal growth book? Meditating? I can’t think of a single time when I’ve heard someone say they have.

We don’t regret doing things that were done for our future selves.

We only usually regret doing things that were done short-sightedly for our past selves—the things we did to appease our short-term desires that were immediately pleasurable. Once we understand this, we might be able to reframe how we look at what “sucks.”

Embrace the suck

If it’s true that most of what “sucks” in the moment is actually appreciated later and most of what’s immediately pleasurable is actually what we regret—maybe we should start embracing the suck and start second guessing what’s pleasurable? …Failure included.

See, when we can learn to start embracing failure, what we’re really doing is learning how to embrace the pain of growth. Because it’s no secret that growth is pain—many people just ignore this fact in hope that growth might happen comfortably instead. But, what’s really happening when we’re hoping for growth while cozying up to comfort, is that we’re cozying up to complacency instead—growth’s arch nemesis.

The power in learning how to embrace the pain of growth is that in doing so, what we’re actually doing is learning how to embrace the possibility of our best future self. The one that we imagine in our minds that represents the full manifestation of our potential. The one that has overcome the obstacles, confronted the challenges, and has outgrown the problems of our current reality.

Because the only thing holding us back from realizing our full potential, is our fear of failing and somehow crumbling in the opposite direction. But, that’s where you have to remind yourself of the reality in doing what sucks. Like cardio or kale or writing, failure is only a temporary pain that provides later benefit—even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

Embrace the failures

Failure isn’t “losing” or “crumbling”—it’s learning. Many of us have been so programmed to avoid failure, that we’re willing to sacrifice almost any potential gain to steer clear of it.

We’ve been taught that anything less than an “A” is unacceptable; not having a certain number of “likes” means we’re a loser; not fitting a certain mold means we’re an outsider. And so we conform, ease up on the challenges, and stay within our comfort zone.

But, it’s precisely when we avoid failure at all costs that we inevitably avoid success at all costs, all the same. Just like we already know that we have to embrace the suck when it comes to doing what we know is healthy for us, we need to learn how to embrace failure when it comes to doing what we know will be educational for us.

Failure should be sought not fought.

Sara Blackely, billionaire founder of Spanx, was actually encouraged to fail by her father when she was a child. She describes how, “At the dinner table, instead of asking about the best part of our day, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something to tell him, he would be disappointed. When we shared whatever failure we’d endured, he’d high-five us and say, ‘Way to go!’” What a truly incredible gift to have been given.

A gift that would have allowed her to feel more comfortable with failure; to better embrace failure rather than vilify it; to more quickly engage in trial rather than hastily avoid error; to more openly stumble through mistakes with a dependable support-system rather than stress-system; and to more remarkably fail her way forward to success.

What does it take to be successful?

Success can be a tricky word to define, but let’s assume, in this context, that it’s having realized your full potential. If you reverse engineer your way back from an image of you as being the almighty bearer of realized potential—what would each step along the way look like?

In my mind, it looks like a path that was immersed in trial, packed with error, filled with insight, and challenging at every step along the way. Not challenging enough to lead to burnout or quitting, but challenging enough to shape the coal of potential into the diamond of what could be.

For what is the difference between those who are successful and those who are just beginning? The successful have failed more times than the beginners have even tried. Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back from realizing that ideal you—fail forward. Don’t fight away the idea of trial because you’re scared of error—embrace trial. And don’t imagine failure in worst case scenarios—image living a life where you never get to realize your ultimate success.

…And give failure a damn big hug and get back to work.

You just read another post from In Fitness And In Health: a health and fitness community dedicated to sharing knowledge, lessons, and suggestions to living happier, healthier lives.

If you’d like to join our newsletter and receive more stories like this one, tap here.