HUMOR
Elon Musk’s Extraordinary To-Do List
☐ Celebrate April Fools with the humans.
ELON’S TO-DO LIST:
☐ Celebrate April Fool’s Day with the humans. Play a prank on Jerry, he deserves it. He only worked 109 hours last week. — Defecate in his shoes? ✓✓✓
☐ Name next company after another famous old person. Einstein? Lincoln? ̶H̶i̶t̶l̶e̶r̶?̶
☐ Create brand of cologne called “Elon’s Musk”. Make it attract bears. — And money.✓✓✓
☐ Send Jack Ma a birthday gift. Flaming bag of dog shit?
☐ Harass another hero on Twitter. Firefighters? Nurses? — Kanye West?✓✓✓
☐ Practice humanity at least twice a week this month.
☐ Find out why it’s so great to ‘drink the Koolaid’ — Make Jerry drink it first.✓✓✓
☐ Call Mark Zuckerberg ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶. — a bitch. ✓✓✓
☐ Try human food on Wednesdays.
☐ Get a tattoo. Consider butterflies. Young attractive females seem to enjoy this. Ideal location? Above fecal exhaust port?
☐ Create a Hyperloop from closest Taco Bell to master bedroom toilet.
☐ Smoke more pot with Joe Rogan. Buy weed company to impress him. Name it ‘Dank Musk’ and sell it to hippies.
☐ Make sexual intercourse at least 3 times. Preferably with humans.
☐ Give Bezos a Tesla with upgraded sound system. ***Reminder***— upgrade = wiretap.
☐ Invent time travel.
☐ Use time travel to modify to-do list for efficiency. — And to get laid more.✓✓✓
☐ Write standup comedy routine. Make jokes about Elon-gated penis. Pick up chicks with your hilariousness.
☐ Become Ironman, but cooler. Carbonman?
☐ Create real-life Avengers, call them Men-X. Have them fly Space-X jets.
☐ Have 7th child through immaculate conception. Become e-Jesus?
☐ Make a funny on Twitter. ̶C̶o̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ Definitely use Jerry as butt of joke.
☐ Create an EDM song called “Don’t Doubt Ur Vibe” and release on Soundcloud ✓✓✓ — complete
☐ Create “An Exciting Company”. Look into legal places to sell narcotic stimulants.
☐ Walk uphill both ways to prove Grandpa Musky wrong. But where to get 5 feet of snow in California?
☐ Create a will. Send ashes to space. — If Neuralink becomes successful, no need. Will never die.✓✓✓
☐ Cats + lasers = fun
☐ Cats + lasers + AI controlled cat brains =way more fun. And possibly winning WWIII
☐ Slap Jerry when he’s not looking. Repeat next month. Or daily?✓✓✓
