Elon Musk Called Me Out When I Wrote About Him

I apologized and it made me a better writer and person

That’s Elon Musk waving at me on his way into the HBO Emmy Awards party in 2013. A few months before I took that picture, Musk and I spent 45 minutes on the phone. We talked because I wanted to apologize for something I did. Musk kindly accepted my apology. The experience made me a better writer.

I treated Musk poorly and unfairly during a period in my career when I routinely wrote things I regret. I wrote them to get attention without regard to the people I was writing about. Musk is the most high-profile person to call me out and set me straight. Seven years later, I’m still super glad he did.

In this article, I detail what happened and relay the lessons I learned from Musk that made me not only a better writer, but also a nicer and happier human.

In 2013, I attended SXSW. I went to a Q&A Musk did with TED’s Chris Anderson. I wrote about the experience as a columnist on financial media platform TheStreet.com:

Right around the middle of the talk, Anderson pointed out that Musk has five children. Musk replied in the affirmative, saying that “kids are awesome” and everybody in the audience “should have kids.” Musk then said, however, that he doesn’t see his kids much, adding, “I do email while I’m with my children. And I keep a nanny around — so they don’t kill each other.” He also made the absurd claim that his kids are at an age where they do not require his undivided attention.

I argued that if former Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer said the same thing the media would have ridiculed her, yet very few outlets even mentioned Musk’s comments. Earlier that year, the media hammered Mayer for banning work-from-home at the company:

(Mayer) got trashed endlessly for a whole week as… anti-working Mom because of the work-at-home thing and her move to, reportedly, pay for a nursery adjacent to her Yahoo! office. Meantime, Musk makes comments that are just absolutely brutal in comparison and there’s nary a peep.

While I was probably correct on the Mayer comparison, the way I went about it was wrong. I ran hard with the Musk “story” beyond one article. I went after him on Twitter. I goaded Musk. I wanted him to call me out. If somebody of Musk’s stature mentions me, it — in my mind at the time — benefits me.

There’s no such thing as bad publicity! Except there is. Hacks think there’s no such thing as bad publicity. I was little more than a shameless hack.

Musk replied to one of the tweets I directed @ him. I can’t, for the life of me, find the tweet. At the time, I had other issues with Tesla, the company. Before I knew it, Musk’s assistant reached out via email to set up a call. By the end of the day, we set a time. The next day, my phone rang, and Musk’s assistant patched me into the founder and CEO — I imagine it’s what it feels like to get connected to the President (present office holder excluded).

Musk wasn’t demanding an apology. He just couldn’t figure out why I was going after him, and so aggressively. Ahead of the call, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. I figured Musk might scold me and hang up — end of conversation. So I made the decision to apologize before he had the chance.

Here’s how the beginning of the call went. I’m paraphrasing, given that this took place more than seven years ago:

Elon Musk: Rocco!

Rocco: Elon Musk! How are you?

Elon Musk: I’m fine, you?

Rocco: (Nervous). Good. Listen, I just want to say I’m sorry for the article and going after you. I made it personal. I have been doing this for a long time. You write a lot of articles and say a lot of things and sometimes you just miss. You go over the line. I did this time and I’m sorry.

Elon Musk: It’s all good. Let’s talk about something else! Do you have any questions?

And that was it. He couldn’t have been cooler. I don’t think he was trying to, but he also couldn’t have made me feel any worse. Here I was rallying around a non-story for several days, making it personal. And, here he was, graciously accepting my apology like it wasn’t even necessary. Without missing a beat, Musk stayed on the phone talking about Tesla like a tenured professor for the next 45 minutes. I have never had a more informative call with a CEO.

Musk has said and done a lot of things since that phone call. All of this aside, the primary thing I learned was, going forward, I wanted to be the person humbly accepting the apology, not the one sheepishly making it. While I’ve had my share of interpersonal stumbles since then, the interaction with Elon Musk set me on a course to be better, as a writer and person.

Following the call, I apologized publicly in a follow-up article:

Whether I was right or wrong about Musk (or neither), I was out of line. I took one comment Musk made in front of a sell-out crowd at SXSW and ignored everything else he said. The thing he said about parenting his kids rubbed me the wrong way and I ran with it. That’s the type of thing so many members of the media do to people on a daily basis. I did it. And I am angry with myself for falling victim.

The Musk incident highlights several lessons writers should keep in mind when they consider overarching approaches to their work and before every article they write. I do my best to live by these tenets as a writer and person because you really can’t separate the two.

I want to be the person humbly accepting the apology, not the one sheepishly making it.

Don’t Be the Writer Who Rips Everybody

It’s even more difficult to cut through writing on the internet in 2020 than it was in 2013. It was hard then, just not the way it is today. There’s so much content. So many people saying some variation of the same thing, or often, saying the same thing the same way. We’re all trying to figure out how to make our mark, draw in readers, and cultivate an audience.

It’s tempting to do what I did in and around 2013. I took the easy route. Most of what I wrote had a negative component or was wholly negative. I ripped companies. I trashed CEOs. I got personal. I looked for anything I could exploit and turn into provocative fodder. It’s not that I didn’t do good work. I did. I can show you examples. But most everything had an edge. Too often, it went over the line. Too frequently, it was all bombast and no substance.

It’s easy to be the writer who rips everybody. Eventually, it will get you in trouble. At some point, somebody will call you out the way Musk did me. Beyond that, when you spew vitriol you get equal amounts in return. The comments sections of articles I wrote were battlefields. A large segment of readers truly hated me not because we disagreed, but because of how I went about expressing my opinions. It’s not fun to be widely hated. It hurts.

I’m a much more positive writer today. I take my preferences and experiences and package them in a way I hope will help at least a few people be better at something — whether it’s investing, writing, or living the day-to-day. Take your experiences and knowledge and find a way to bring positivity into your writing. Ask yourself, “how is this going to help the reader be better” or simply make them feel good for the few minutes they spend reading my article.

Here, too, you get what you give. It doesn’t hurt. It feels absolutely fantastic.

Think Before You Make It Personal (Then Probably Don’t Make It Personal)

I didn’t only trash Musk in those days. I made a short career out of going after Apple CEO Tim Cook. It was so bad Cook blocked me on Twitter. I loved Steve Jobs so I decided to hate Tim Cook because I figured it would be good for pageviews. And it was. But it wasn’t worth it.

Tim Cook seems like a hell of a guy. I admire and respect what he has done at Apple and outside of Apple as a human being. But you would not have known it throughout 2012 and 2013 when I routinely trashed the guy in my articles.

Before you write something about somebody ask yourself how you would feel if they wrote something similar about you. Also, consider how the other person might feel if they read what you’re about to write. It could be something you would be fine with. But not everyone will react like you. Have empathy before the other person needs it. It’s humanity 101 — think before you speak. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have a problem with someone and express it. It just means don’t get personal. I wrote an article once with the headline “If Steve Jobs Were Alive, He Would Fire Tim Cook.” Beyond being flat wrong and blatantly stupid, it was a low blow. Tim Cook knew Steve Jobs. I’m sure he loved the guy. And here I was mindlessly stoking a fire that didn’t exist just to generate interest and attention.

If You Have a Problem With Somebody, Talk to Them About It First

Sometimes you’ll have an issue with someone and it’s absolutely warranted. Sometimes you need to call people out. You might even need to do it with strong words. With few exceptions — like the President probably — you should attempt to get in touch before you write something even a bit inflammatory.

It’s actually pretty easy to get ahold of most people you want to talk to via social media, email, or even the telephone. If nothing else, you’ll get an assistant on the phone so you can gather information or provide a heads up for something you’re going to write. There is not an executive I haven’t been able to get a hold of — and this includes names as big as Musk. That’s not a humblebrag — it’s just to say hit people up. They’ll appreciate it. And you might end up getting a better, even more positive story out of it in the process.

Ideally, have the guts to run what you’re going to write by someone, particularly if it gets personal or otherwise sensitive. If it’s merely an innocent difference of opinion, there’s probably no need, but if it’s something that might upset you, it doesn’t hurt to check-in.

You never know what the other person is going through. And you don’t know the other person’s perspective unless you ask. The latter was the case with Elon Musk. He owed me nothing, but he provided context around his parenting comments. Context I should have sought prior to going after him in an article and on Twitter. On our call, we spent most of the time discussing Tesla. He actually gave me a scoop I was able to write about. There’s nothing better than making an honest and genuine human connection.

I can’t stress enough — you’ll feel better if you take a positive approach to writing. I used to cut people down for a living. It started wearing on me. That’s the beauty of the Medium platform. A majority of authors appear to truly want to disseminate information and experiences as a means of helping other people. You can get noticed by adopting this style. Take it from me, you’ll not only get noticed, but you’ll also feel better about yourself at the same time.